


Apartment 103

by protectginozasquad



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Fluff, M/M, Mutual Pining, Neighbor au, past emotional abuse
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-04-10
Updated: 2018-04-25
Packaged: 2018-06-01 11:42:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 13
Words: 39,587
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6517216
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/protectginozasquad/pseuds/protectginozasquad
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Daichi is reeling from a bad breakup. A really, really bad breakup. He isn't sure how to deal with his new, empty apartment, but a neighbor with a kind smile brings him a welcoming gift.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. I Don't Know Who I Am Without You...

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry to make Kuroo the bad guy in this. He isn't the worst ever, but he didn't treat Daichi very well. Good thing Suga is here to save the day! I'm not sure where I'm going with it, but hopefully it is cute.

“I’m just not ready to move on,” Daichi said to the bare wall of his empty kitchen, turning on the faucet. The water was cool and clear as it ran against his skin. This place was distinctly his, something long unknown to Daichi, to have a place to call his own and no one else’s. 

“I mean sure, Kuroo is a controlling, manipulative, scheming bastard, and _sure_ ,” he sighed, “it’s better this way and _obviously_ it was the right choice but goddamn...” 

He turned to survey the living room of apartment 206. It was a small apartment, the living room and kitchen had no separating wall between them, but a bar for the kitchen was set where a wall should have been. Off to the side of the kitchen was a short hallway, leading to a bedroom and bathroom. It wasn’t much, but to Daichi it seemed huge in its emptiness. 

Daichi had little to furnish the place with, so had settled for upending his two suitcases in the middle of the living room. His belongings sat in a disenchanting pile, mocking his solitude in their sparse quantity. 

Once he turned the faucet off, Daichi was frustrated to realize he had no dish towels. No towels at all, in fact. He went to the pile of belongings that he did have in the middle of the room and snatched the nearest t-shirt he could find, wiping his fingers dry on it. 

“He gets the apartment, the towels, the bed, the coffeepot, as well as basically keeping my heart,” Daichi continued his rant with venom. “I should say good riddance, shouldn’t I? I finally did it this time, I finally escaped his clutches, and now, for some godforsaken reason, all I can think of is the warmth of his goddamn hugs and-”

A knock sounded on his door, making Daichi yelp in surprise. He hadn’t told anyone he was moving, not even his family yet, partially because he wasn’t sure he could keep himself away from Kuroo. Daichi might go crawling back to him yet. After all, he had never successfully left before. 

Another knock, a bit louder, kept him away from thoughts about the well-furnished apartment he had just come from, kept him grounded on the space which, while empty, was his. 

Confused and slightly ill at ease, he made his way to the door, hoping that his monologue had been quiet enough to stay within the walls of his apartment. Maybe he had irritated a neighbor by pontificating too loudly. 

Sawamura Daichi was reeling from a bad breakup, a really, really bad breakup. It was an even worse relationship, if he stepped back to think about it. Which he did. Incessantly. 

He took a deep breath as he put his hand on the door handle. He needed to stop thinking of Kuroo, right this instant. 

“Welcome!” A voice brighter than the afternoon sunshine that flooded Daichi’s eyes rang out as he pulled the door open. 

“Uh, hi,” Daichi blinked in the light, eyes adjusting to the daytime. He hadn’t realized that none of his lights in his apartment were on. 

“I’m Sugawara Koushi,” Daichi’s eyes focused on a smile in front of him, as bright as the voice it belonged to. 

He gaped, unbelieving. Of what, he wasn’t sure, but it didn’t quite seem real. The sunshine was too bright and the smile too genuine, maybe. Sugawara had round, welcoming hazel eyes, with a mole just underneath the corner of his left eye. His pale, silver-blond hair looked like it would be soft to the touch. He was clothed casually, in jeans and a loose-fitting sweater. Daichi thought this must be some kind of mistake.

“You can call me Suga,” the smile supplied when Daichi didn’t answer. “I live on the first floor.” 

Daichi finally realized he ought to say something back, and sputtered, “I’m Daichi - Sawamura, uh, you can call me Daichi.” 

“Daichi,” Suga said the name slowly, as if it were a piece of clothing he was trying on for size. “Welcome to the building. I’ve been here quite a while, and I saw that you were moving in. Just popped by to say hello. Ah, and a welcoming present, too.” 

Daichi unglued his eyes from the brightness of Suga’s own and the sincerity of the smile to glance down to Suga’s hands. His neighbor held what looked like a tiny fern. 

“It’s a succulent,” Suga said with a bit of color in his cheeks, “it’s silly, but I do love them, and I have far too many. They’re hearty, and require no expertise whatsoever!” He said this almost defensively, and Daichi felt a smile creep across his own face. The warmth must be contagious. 

“It better not,” he felt himself saying, unsure that it was really his own voice at first. “I’m not exactly a gardener.” 

Suga didn’t hesitate. “Don’t worry, you don’t need to be. I know how moving can be, and I know it takes a while to get anything together.” He paused. “I just thought having a bit of life in a new place might help with the fresh start, or whatever it is you’re here for.” 

Daichi felt his eyebrow quirk upward. This guy was either very nosy or very intuitive. 

“Ah!” Suga shifted on his feet. “I’m overstepping my bounds!” He bowed slightly, holding the fern out in front of his face. “I do that a lot! I’m sorry!” 

Daichi laughed for the first time in what felt like years. 

“Actually,” he said, glad when Suga raised himself from his apologetic stance, pointedly ignoring how soothing it was to see those hazel eyes again. “I am indeed here for a fresh start.”

It was nice to say it out loud. It felt like commitment to the new life. Even if it wasn’t everything, it was a start.

“It’s been a clunky takeoff so far,” Daichi continued, “so as long as I can’t fuck it up by forgetting to water it every fifteen minutes, something like this might just help.” 

He held his hands out to take the tiny plant. Suga’s brow wrinkled, perhaps in sympathy, and Daichi wondered if he should have kept his troubles to himself. 

But when their fingers brushed for just an instant, Daichi enjoyed the warmth of the fleeting contact, and a question flitted through his mind:

How long had it been since touch was not something for him to fear? A weight tugged in his chest as Daichi asked the silent question to himself. He was angry at himself for taking so long to be here, to start to be his own again. 

“It only needs to be watered once a week or so and it prefers some sunlight, but otherwise doesn't require much attention,” Suga was saying when Daichi tuned back in. “You shouldn’t have trouble with it.” 

Daichi sighed loudly, as though he could expel his inner demons that way. “That’s a relief. I’ll have you know I’m not exactly famed for keeping green things alive.” 

Suga laughed, and Daichi had never heard something more beautiful. “I’m not either, actually. Maybe that’s why I like succulents so much, since I finally discovered a plant that I don’t murder within a few days of acquisition.” 

“Acquisition?” Daichi raised an eyebrow. “What are you, an explorer of new lands or something?” 

He was rewarded with another laugh. 

“Like I said,” Suga didn’t respond to the tease, “welcome. It’s probably a boring apartment complex like any you’ve lived in before,” Suga’s hands moved to rest on his hips in a painfully endearing domestic gesture. “but I find this place soothing. So the name’s Suga, and I’m in apartment 103 downstairs. Moving is a pain in the ass, so if you can’t find your forks or pillowcases, feel free to stop by.” 

Daichi felt relaxed in his new neighbor’s presence. 

“Would you like to come in? I, uh, I don’t have anything to sit on or anything,” it was a lame offer, hastily put forward. Daichi was suddenly conscious of the heap of his belongings piled less than gloriously in the middle of the apartment, and was almost glad when Suga declined.

“I couldn’t possibly impose on your first day in. I’ll let you get settled.”

As much as Daichi was genuinely disappointed to be turned down, he could see from Suga’s face that the neighbor was trying to be the hospitable one. He was actually trying to save Daichi from the embarrassment of being a rotten host. How silly. Daichi hardly had things to settle in. Two suitcases, a cardboard box of books, two plates and an old mug. 

“If you need a cup of coffee or tea or a drink before the day’s out, though,” Suga flashed teeth in his smile for the first time, and Daichi had to say he liked it. “I’ve got the afternoon off. I’ll be home.” 

“That’s quite an array of offers,” Daichi said before he thought better of it.

Suga winked. “I’m a versatile man, Daichi. See you!” 

With that, Suga turned on his heel and walked with a spring in his step towards the stairs to head to the first floor. Daichi didn’t even notice he was staring until Suga actually got to the stairs and turned towards him. 

Daichi fumbled with the succulent as he moved quickly to the shut the door because he could not be caught staring. Was he staring? 

Once he was safely inside, he placed the plant on the counter. “Well, I guess I made a new friend, didn’t I?” At least now he was talking to something living. Daichi figured it was an upgrade from ranting at the faucet. 

“I guess it’s time to unpack whatever I actually managed to swipe from the old place.” 

Daichi sighed, because a part of him knew Kuroo would say something silly right about now, make him feel at ease. It was a gift Kuroo had, to make Daichi comfortable. Like so many of the good things about Kuroo, it almost overshadowed the manipulation. Almost. 

Still, he didn’t like how he was holding on, the way he could imagine what Kuroo was doing in the warm apartment that Daichi had called home for so long. He knew well enough that there was nothing for him there. He needed to let go. 

“It sounds so much easier than it is,” he said to the plant before dragging himself from leaning over the bar to sit amongst the meager heap of belongings. With a deep, sad sigh Daichi began to sort through them.

It didn’t take very long for him to move the few things he had to the places where they should be. He took his clothes to the bedroom and folded them. He opened the closet, hoping to find some built-in shelves, but was disappointed. He placed the clothes on the floor of the closet and shut the door. 

His two plates, one fork, one spoon, and one mug took up no space in the kitchen. The cabinets looked positively bare. 

No place had ever seemed lonelier to Daichi. 

+++ 

The one good thing about the bedroom was the windows. They were spacious and in the day, he was sure, would let light in. It was night, though, and the spacious windows did nothing to make the floor more comfortable. 

As the darkness in the window deepened, Daichi laid beneath a blanket with one pillow. It was a soft pillow, which almost made the ground feel even harder and colder. Just as he was turning his music down to make what he was sure would be a pitiful attempt at sleep, his phone chirped. 

For all the reactions Daichi had to the message, surprise was not one of them. 

[10:38 Kuroo]: How's the new place treating you? 

He blinked, heart beginning to ache with loneliness. The phone chirped again. 

[10:39 Kuroo]: It's colder here, without you 

It took everything from within Daichi not to answer immediately. 

Daichi loved Kuroo, he had for a long time. But what Kuroo demanded Daichi had long ago realized he couldn’t give. It didn’t matter, though, at a time like this, on the hard floor of an unfurnished apartment, all alone. This is how it was, every time they split. Kuroo wormed his way back into Daichi’s heart before Daichi had time to kick him all the way out. 

This time must have been different. Daichi had moved all the way out physically, this time. It’s not like he had much to move, much to call his own. The past five years of his life were a blur, and he didn’t know when he stopped buying things for himself. 

When he and Kuroo first moved in together, it was nice to be taken care of, not to worry about anything other than school and work. After Kuroo and Daichi graduated from university, things started to go to hell. Kuroo got more controlling, and Daichi got more isolated. Work was demanding and free time was spent only with Kuroo. The fights seemed normal. Daichi hadn’t known anything else. It’s hard to realize you’re being trapped when the trap set for you is made of love and hidden beneath a veneer of safety. 

Daichi had never been safe. He realized that now. But he had been loved, at least, whatever someone like Kuroo could offer as love. For a long time, it had been enough to keep Daichi there. And still, that almost-love called to him as his phone chirped a third time.

[10:41 Kuroo]: You could come by, if you wanted. Have a drink to celebrate your new place.

Daichi groaned, angry at himself as he began to type a response. He felt himself preparing to get up, to head for the door. He started thinking about where his keys were, his shoes. 

_[10:41 Daichi - draft-]: I'll be there..._

Before he could finish typing, unbidden, an image from earlier in the day, flitted through his head. The smile from the neighbor floated into his mind’s eye and he was able, just barely, to toss his phone just out of his reach without sending the message, facing down, sound off. He found solace in the memory of that smile, so disarming and innocent. 

Surely it didn’t mean anything. 

But it did keep him there, under his blanket, on the hard floor. It kept him from returning the old pain, helped him sit with the new one, the pain that meant he was getting better. That smile, at least for the evening, helped him move one step closer to escape. 

“Suga, huh?” He whispered. He turned to his pathetic excuse for a side table, the old cardboard box his books had come in, and saw the shadows playing on the leaves of his new succulent. 

He would move it to the sunlight in the morning, but for now, it was something living, something definitely not Kuroo, to keep him company.


	2. ...All I Know Is That I Should

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Daichi gets some much-needed equipment for his empty apartment and makes some new friends.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really want Daichi to be happy, I promise. Things are getting better for him! Second chapter title is the finished line from the song Where I Stood by Missy Higgins.

Daichi woke the next morning on a hard floor, amazed that he had managed to stay there, sleep through the night without giving in to Kuroo. He had never been so happy to be on a floor in his entire life. 

He turned to the plant that still sat next to him on his makeshift nightstand. “Well, thanks, I guess,” he mumbled pathetically. Daichi wondered if he would get a chance to talk to Suga again anytime soon. The memory of his welcoming smile had made all the difference in the world the night before. 

He pulled himself up from his makeshift bed on the ground - not very difficult, considering how uncomfortable it was. Maybe it was time to invest in an air mattress. Or a regular mattress. He wasn’t sure yet. 

Daichi ambled to the closet and picked out some loose-fitting, comfortable clothes. It’s not like he needed to look good for anyone. His stomach growled as he made his way to the bathroom. He was hungry, gross, and severely under-caffeinated. This day was not getting off to a good start. 

As his luck would have it, the hot and cold faucets were backwards, which took him at least half of his shower to figure out. Even then, they were incredibly sensitive, so the water was either ice cold or burning hot. 

“This is unbelievable,” he called to the plant. “Is Suga’s apartment like this?” 

Of course, no answer came. 

Half an hour later, a still-grumpy Daichi retrieved the plant and managed his way into the kitchen, where he was greeted by nothing but an empty fridge. He placed the plant in the window just above the kitchen sink. It seemed like the ideal place for his inanimate, silent talking partner (listening partner?), easily accessible with that bit of sunlight that Suga had mentioned the plant would need. 

After opening his fridge for the third time, he decided it was time for some grocery shopping and definitely for some long overdue coffee. 

He slipped his wallet into his pocket and took one last look at his new place before putting a hand on the cool metal doorknob and turning it to open the door. 

It was empty, quiet, and lonely. It was his. 

As he slid into his car, old but reliable, and shifted into drive, he felt a weight lift off of his shoulders. Every time he went anywhere, Kuroo had hounded him like a watchdog. 

_Where are you going? Who are you with? When will you be back? I just want to make sure you’re safe. I just want to make sure you’re all mine._

Daichi didn’t have to tell anyone where he was going. He decided to turn the radio all the way up. Kuroo hated that, said it made a scene, attracted the attention of other drivers. This morning, Daichi couldn’t have cared less what other drivers thought of him. 

He stopped first at a drive-thru coffee stand only a few blocks from the apartment. Daichi ordered a coffee, something sweet and indulgent, handed over too much money and told the barista, eyes bright and eager, to keep the change. 

Next stop: Target. That air mattress was sounding pretty damn good as Daichi cracked his back at a stoplight. His neck was killing him. 

The aisles of Target were so wide, each shelf holding a world of possibilities. Daichi was on a pretty tight budget, but it was still nice to look for himself. He could purchase decorative things that weren’t green or navy - the only colors Kuroo ever deemed acceptable. 

Not sure why, Daichi bypassed the smallest size air mattress, even if it would be good for his budget, and good insurance to keep Kuroo away. If Kuroo didn’t have somewhere to sleep, there’s no way he would come over. At least, that’s what Daichi hoped.

Unbidden, another thought came to him: Suga’s face flitted through his head ever so fleetingly, and Daichi pushed the thought away as quickly as he could. No way. There was no way he was buying a mid-sized air mattress - air mattress! - as though someone would give him the time of day. Pathetic. 

He bought black sheets and a comforter with small stars on it. To hell with propriety or what anyone else thought. This was his, and it was comfortable, and he liked it. He did have to admit that it was hard not to reach for the plain forest green comforter. That’s what he would have bought only a week before. Years of conditioning, old habits, they were indeed hard to break. His last purchase was a cheap coffeemaker, not nearly as good as his old one. Like everything in his life right now, it was small and probably would be easily broken.

Daichi sighed as the checker raised an eyebrow at his purchases. 

“Rough week, buddy? Looks like you just got kicked out.” 

Daichi couldn’t even bring himself to be annoyed. The checker wasn’t exactly wrong. It had been a rough week.

“Something like that.”

His final destination was the grocery store, a supermarket that was in between Target and the apartment complex. His budget was running low after his splurge on the star comforter, so he settled for the basics: eggs, bread, milk, coffee, a vegetable or two, and a ridiculously large tub of ice cream. It’s not like he was really doing this whole on-his-own thing successfully yet. 

+++ 

All of his things were definitely going to take more than one trip to get up the stairs. He took the groceries first, proud to turn the key and open the door to his space. Immediately he noticed the emptiness, the lack of presence, the way silence could be so very loud. 

He missed the companionship. He missed the safety Kuroo provided, and cursed himself for feeling like that was any kind of safety. 

“What a joke,” he muttered to his plant. “As if he could protect me. I needed protecting from him, anyhow.” 

Trying to ignore the emptiness in his chest, Daichi went back out the door to get another load of his things, but was stopped at the bottom of the stairs by a large couch, being dragged very ungracefully by two boys. 

“Maybe it would be easier if I was on the top end!” 

“Dumbass, the stronger person has to pull, and we both know that’s me!” 

“Yeah, but pushing it is pretty hard, too!”

“Um, hey,” Daichi said. They were completely blocking the stairs, so he had no choice but to talk to them. They stared up at him, surprised. 

A tall, dark-haired boy was tugging the couch from the top, and at the other end, pushing hard was a shorter boy with spiky, unruly red hair. They were both sweaty and breathing hard, and the shorter boy, for his part, looked at Daichi like a welcome distraction. He smiled broadly.

“I haven’t seen you around.” 

“I’m, uh, new.” 

“Ah. Well, I’m Hinata! Hinata Shouyou.” 

He looked like he had the radiance of a tiny sun. He looked far too happy to be actually pushing what looked like an obscenely heavy piece of furniture up the stairs. Daichi found himself smiling without even knowing why. 

“Sawamura Daichi. I go by Daichi. Nice to meet you.” 

“This is Kageyama!” Hinata gestured to the taller man with an enthusiastic nod of his head. Kageyama glowered briefly before smiling. The smile looked a little unnatural on him, but Daichi thought that maybe that could be a bit endearing. 

“Do you guys need some help with that?” 

Kageyama shifted the couch around against his torso. “Actually, that would be amazing. Hinata’s old roommates let us have it, which I guess was nice of them, but I think it’s mainly because they didn’t want to have to move it.” 

“Kenma’s too small to move something like this!” Hinata shot at Kageyama. 

“What? Just because I’m bigger I have to move your shit?” 

“You said it would fit perfectly in the living room!” 

“I did no-”

“So,” Daichi cut in, “what would be the easiest way for me to help?” 

“If you could get the other end with Hinata and guide me up, that would probably work best,” Kageyama and Hinata snapped out of their bickering so quickly it seemed to be as easy as breathing for them. 

“Sure thing.” 

Daichi squeezed down the stairwell to position himself on the end of the couch next to Hinata. 

“Ready?” Kageyama asked. Daichi and Hinata looked at each other before nodding resolutely. Daichi felt a little twinge at the fleeting feeling of camaraderie. 

“Alright... one... two... three!” On Kageyama’s count, they lifted it up, and with a great deal of grunting and moaning hoisted it up the steps. They stopped for a micro-break on the landing. 

“Let’s power through it!” Kageyama was strangely motivational about it. 

“Your count, Kageyama,” Hinata called from behind his edge of the couch. 

“One... two... three!” Another big heft, a doorway, and a few bruised elbows later, the three of them set the big couch down in the living room of apartment 209 with a heavy thud. 

Daichi sat on the floor, leaned back, and breathed heavily. Hinata laid back with him, chest heaving. Daichi noticed how he felt at ease around the strange couple, especially Hinata, as if it were completely natural to be laying on a stranger’s floor. With his back on their soft carpet (he couldn’t help but think theirs was significantly more comfortable than his), he moved his head to scan the room. 

“This is nice.” 

The framed photographs dispersed throughout the room, a well-fitting but simple carpet, two minimalist paintings. His short interaction with Kageyama hadn’t led him to believe that there could be good taste involved, but here it was. 

“Thanks,” Kageyama seemed a bit surprised. “It’s not much, and dumbass here’s still got to fit all his shit in.” 

“You’re so vulgar,” Hinata’s reply was disdainful. Daichi pushed the name-calling to the back of his mind, told himself it didn’t matter. 

“So how long have you lived here, Kageyama?” 

“About a year and a half or so,” Kageyama answered, scooting over to where Hinata and Daichi lay on the floor. 

“What do you know about Suga?” Daichi asked as casually as possible. 

“Suga? He’s really great!” Hinata answered before Kageyama could, so the taller boy got to his feet with a crooked smile. Daichi sat up from the floor, attempting not to look too eager for information. 

“I am only just moving in, you know?” Hinata looked up at the ceiling. His eyes were wide, full of life and sincerity, the kind of life Daichi hoped he could get back.

“But I’ve basically been living here for a few months now, even though my stuff has been in my own apartment. Suga treats me like I belong, though. I used to be shy, especially when Kageyama has to go to work and has to leave me here by myself. I used to sit in the apartment and just be quiet, you know, not wanting to disturb anyone. I’m not even sure how he knew I was there, but one day, he knocked on the door and introduced himself.” 

Daichi smiled fondly, remembered Suga’s gentle way of putting someone at ease on their own doorstep.

“Yeah, he did something like that yesterday. Invited me over and whatnot.” 

“Invited you over?” Hinata quirked an eyebrow. Somewhere in the background, Daichi could have sworn he heard Kageyama snort.

“Uh,” Daichi suddenly felt exposed, like he had something to hide. “S-sure, you know, in case I needed anything.” 

Hinata narrowed his eyes, and Daichi felt his heart skip. Surely this kid couldn’t guess. It’s not like he had anything to hide, anyway. It was just a stupid plant. It hadn’t done anything to Daichi’s aching heart, certainly not. 

But Hinata’s scrutiny was gone as quickly as it had come. 

“I guess that makes sense. Suga would know that I have everything I need here, since Kageyama already lives here with all his things. Still,” he looked at Daichi with complete innocence and no ill-intentions, and said simply, “I wonder if it means something that he invited you.” 

That’s what caught Daichi about Hinata. Daichi sensed that Hinata was someone who told things the way they were. 

“I dunno,” Daichi replied dumbly, staring at the wall behind Hinata’s head, hoping the sunshine boy would miss the way Daichi didn’t want to make eye contact. 

“Hey, dumbass, get over here,” Kageyama’s harsh voice jolted Daichi back into reality. He was on the other side of the living room, pulling books out of a box. “I thought you were going to help me set up your giant-ass bookshelf. I didn’t even know you could read.” 

Daichi flinched at the condescension in his tone, but he tried to ignore the curling pit in his gut. There wasn’t any need to project. He didn’t know anything about Hinata or Kageyama. These were only people in the apartment complex. Nothing to be overly concerned about. Besides, despite the growl from his boyfriend, Hinata simply rolled his eyes. 

“I should be going,” Daichi suddenly felt trapped and desperately in need of some fresh air. 

“Okay! Apparently we still have work to do anyway,” Hinata shot a side-eyed glare at Kageyama’s back. “Well, I know this isn’t my place exactly, but come over anytime! What number is your apartment?” 

“206.” 

“You’re only three doors down! Awesome!” 

“Hinata, come on! I don’t have all day.” 

“Fine, fine,” Hinata waved as Daichi stood and headed towards the door. 

As the door closed behind him, Daichi swallowed the lump in his throat. They must be happy, Daichi told himself. Why else would they move in together? 

He tried not to let images of the day he moved in with Kuroo flood through his memory, but they came anyway: the excitement, the anticipation, the silly things that come with adapting to a new living space, he remembered it all. 

_“Are you sure we don’t need two sets of silverware? Isn’t it good to have extra?”_

_“Do you doubt my hospitality, Dai? This is gonna be our happy place. We share things here.”_

Daichi should have known the warning signs: the need to possess, to share, to act like there was no separation between their identities. It had started so early. Kuroo made the rules from the beginning. It seemed normal, right? The place was Kuroo’s, so of course he made the big decisions. He made the money, too, so what right did Daichi have to say he wanted something a different way? 

_“Hey Kuroo, where should I put my bookshelf?”_

_“Get rid of yours. We don’t have room for another bookshelf. We’ll make space on mine.”_

_“My mom gave this to me.”_

_“Dai, stop worrying about it. It’s old anyhow. There’s room on mine.”_

Maybe it was a stupid thing to be fixated on, the little ways that Kuroo had trimmed Daichi down and made him dependent. Kuroo probably hadn’t meant anything by it, Daichi told himself. It’s not like Kuroo meant to be this way. He just was.

Daichi didn’t want to hear Kuroo in his neighbor’s voice. Kageyama seemed fine, but Daichi knew what things could lie beneath the surface. He wondered absently if he looked as happy as Hinata the day he and Kuroo moved in together. 

He resolved not to meddle, but to become friends with Hinata. It had been a while since he’d had a real friend, anyway. Maybe Kageyama would grow on him. Maybe he could learn to stop living with ghosts. 

Daichi figured that was impossible, but he could hope, at least.


	3. An Air Mattress as Complicated as Feelings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Daichi runs into his neighbor.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hiatuses just keep happening left and right, but I finally did it! Daichi and Suga meet again, yayayayayay - I can't keep them apart because I am weak. Suga has such a soft spot for the big nerd that is his new neighbor. Enjoy!

Filling up an air mattress really shouldn't be this complicated. 

After an hour and a half of cursing, sweating, and flopping around on and off of the mattress, Daichi finally had the air compressor blowing at a fairly steady rate. It was loud and obnoxious, and his apartment was starting to get impossibly hot. 

Daichi really needed an air conditioner, but Daichi couldn't afford an air conditioner. 

It wasn't not quite summer yet, and coaching jobs were always more sparse in the summer. He was lucky that the rich moms who want their kids to succeed are never opposed to private coaching in the summer, but it's nothing like being attached to the public schools that employed Daichi during the school year. 

It wasn't exactly the best of times for him to strike it out on his own.

Not for the first time and not for the last time, Daichi pulled out his phone and pulled up Kuroo's information. His finger hovered over the 'call' button, and Daichi felt his throat tighten. 

He threw the phone to the other side of the room, a strategy that was turning out to be more helpful than he might have thought, and curled up next to the slowly inflating air mattress. Daichi blinked the tears away as they came, but the hole unfurling in his chest was impossible to stop. 

Was being with Kuroo really worse than this? Daichi didn't know if he could survive the loneliness. 

The apartment's emptiness was too oppressive, so Daichi turned the air mattress inflator off, and headed for the door. He would finish inflating the air mattress later. Where he was going to go, he wasn't sure, but he had to get out. He didn't bother to retrieve his phone from the other side of the room. Only bad things could come from it when he was in this kind of way. 

+++

Libraries had always been a place of solace for Daichi. He walked through the aisles, absently running his fingers across the bindings, some old and soft with wear, others glinting a crisp newness. This was a new library branch for him - a different city library that he had never ventured to. 

He wandered around the building, reveling in the different kind of silence it provided. It was a kind silence, not oppressive like the empty apartment.

Daichi eventually started picking through the books, looking for something new to read. It had been a long time since he had read any non-fiction. He settled on a few memoirs, and with a sigh gathered them up to take them to the front desk. 

He was feeling a bit less lonely now, accompanied now by stories of those who had gone before. With a book and a bit of dinner, he would make the night his own. The books were heavy and substantial in his hands as he walked to the front desk. He started flipping through one, the gentle sound of turning pages calming his whizzing mind. Soon the person in front of him walked towards the door, and he put the books down on the counter.

"Are you ready to-" 

Daichi barely held in a gasp when he met the eyes of the library worker. 

It was Suga. 

"Well fancy seeing you here!" A grin brightened Suga's already lit up face, filling in a tiny crack of the gaping hole in Daichi's heart. It was just a smile, nothing special, nothing meaningful, but at least it was something other than the ache. 

"H-hey," Daichi said, scratching the back of his neck. He stood uncomfortably for a few seconds, before shifting his weight on his feet and realizing he should probably say something. Suga was watching him with round, bright eyes, as though curious how Daichi would handle this. 

Really, he couldn't get more awkward. 

"You work here?" He finally managed. 

"I'm a librarian," Suga nodded, deftly swiping the books from under Daichi's hands with another almost-too-subtle-to-be-real brush against Daichi's fingertips, just like when he had handed over the plant. "Do you have your library card, good sir?" 

Daichi's heart stopped. 

"Well now that you mention it," He rifled through his wallet, hoping against hope that he wouldn't have to ask for some help, "I think it got left at the other place." 

As Suga tapped a finger against the books, humming, Daichi half expected him to say that he would have to leave without the books. 

It's what Kuroo would have done, with a crooked smile that made Daichi think it must be okay.

"Well, I guess that's that," Daichi made an awkward, abrupt move to leave, only to feel a tug on his sleeve. He jumped at the tiny bit of contact and barely stuttering out a "w-what?" as he looked back at Suga. 

"You should be in the database, silly," Suga smiled again, and it wasn't crooked at all. "Daichi Sawamura, right?" 

Daichi nodded, surprised that Suga remembered his full name. 

"I've got you right here," Suga said with a triumphant click. "Should I print you a new card, or are you going to pick it up from the 'old place'?" Suga's tone was a little too knowing. 

"You should just print me another one," Daichi said quickly, dipping his head deferentially. 

There was a pause.

"Aw, don't look like that," Suga tapped him on the shoulder. "I overstepped my bounds again! I didn't mean anything by it. After all, we're neighbors now, and neighbors look out for each other."

When Daichi looked back up, Suga winked at him. 

"I'll print it out for you, okay? Let me hop to the back room for just a minute." 

Daichi noticed the spring in Suga's step as he walked, the way the cowlick in his forehead bounded up and down as he went towards the room. Daichi couldn't deny how adorable he thought that was. 

When Suga walked back, the realization was even worse. Now, not only was his cowlick amusingly moving with each step, but the shine of Suga's eyes only added to the appeal. 

"Now, I don't mean to impose but," Suga cleared his throat, "are you doing anything this evening?" 

Daichi barely restrained his jaw from dropping. It was so long that Daichi had been invited to do anything that he said without thinking, "I don't really do things." 

He felt like he should clap a hand over his mouth, run to his apartment, hide under his pathetically deflated air mattress, and never speak again. 

But Suga laughed, bless him. "Good to know I can have you all to myself then," he winked again. 

A thought dawned on Daichi, loud as a car alarm. Was this guy actually _flirting_ with him? A blush crept up his face, regardless of what Suga meant or didn't mean by it, the thought of someone flirting with him made him so flustered that he almost forgot how to speak. 

He actually did forget to speak, because Suga spoke again after a pause. 

"Why don't you come over later tonight?" 

"I'd like that!" Daichi said quickly. He actually would like that. No matter what Suga said or did, Daichi felt drawn to him. He felt a little stupid, answering so eagerly. He had to be the most awkward man alive. 

Despite it all, Daichi found himself smiling a little. Hinata may have been right. There might be some meaning in Suga's invitations. All Daichi knew is that he wanted to be around Suga. Suga made him feel something he couldn't remember feeling for a very long time. Maybe it was safety or curiosity or excitement. Daichi didn't even remember what those things felt like, so he couldn't say for sure. 

Suga scribbled something on a sticky note and attached it to Daichi's new library card before handing the shiny new card to Daichi, along with the books. 

"I get off around five. Does dinner sound good?" 

"You don't need to-" 

"I'm cooking regardless, and it would be nice to cook for someone other than myself. I insist, if it isn't too rude." 

Daichi sighed. Was this feeling called relief?

"Dinner sounds nice." 

"Bring something to drink, and come over anytime after 5:30." 

Daichi kept smiling. It was a good feeling. 

+++ 

Unbelievable. 

He was actually, truly _agonizing_ over what to wear. 

Something casual, he told himself. Nothing that would give the wrong impression. Suga was simply doing something neighborly. 

"There's nothing to get worked up about, after all, we're only neighbors, right?" He called to the plant. "You know him better than I do," he continued pathetically. "Give me an idea of what this means." 

Of course, no answer came. Daichi finally settled for some plain khaki shorts and a light blue t-shirt. Kuroo hated that shirt, and Daichi loved it. Despite having it for a number of years, it was so soft it may have been new. Daichi pulled it on, considering this another small victory. 

_"It doesn't look good with your eyes."_

_"I like this shirt."_

_"But ~I~ don't like this shirt. Who has to look at you?"_

_Kuroo had poked and prodded him, chuckling, and Daichi laughed along with him. It was just a joke, right?_

_"You have to look at me."_

_"Exactly," Kuroo ruffled Daichi's short hair, and Daichi knew he must be wrong to feel hurt. "Why wouldn't you want to be considerate of me?"_

Daichi knocked on the door of apartment 103, sucking in a breath as he heard someone grasp the handle. 

"Daichi!" Suga's smile greeted him after the door creaked open. "Come in, come in!" 

The first thing Daichi noticed was the cool air flowing from Suga's well-placed air conditioner. The second thing Daichi noticed was that Suga's apartment smelled amazing. Something delicious was sizzling on the stove. Daichi wondered how Suga managed to get so much out of an electric stove. Not that Daichi was much of a cook himself, but Kuroo often spoke of how lucky there were to have a gas stove. Daichi wouldn't forget something like that. 

"Ah, I'm sorry, it's going to be a few minutes," Suga walked from the doorway back to the stove, throwing in a handful of some herb. "Go ahead and have a seat, the bar stools are pretty comfortable."

Daichi sat on a stool on the other side of Suga's kitchen island. The set-up was a lot like Daichi's, but it looked much, well, better, being that it had actual furniture and wasn't a vast empty prison-looking space. 

"I'm not in any rush. It smells amazing. Is that curry?" 

"It is indeed. I hope you don't mind a little bit of heat in your food. Are you sure you don't have an early morning to rush off to? I know it's the middle of the work week." 

"Summer isn't exactly the busy season for me." 

"Is that so?" 

"Oh, yeah, I'm a, uh, I'm a high school volleyball coach. We don't really have a lot of work during the off season." 

"A volleyball coach? You don't say?" Suga leaned forward, interest clearly piqued. 

"Most people don't find that quite so interesting," Daichi responded with raised eyebrows. 

"I played a bit of volleyball in high school," Suga said sedately as he went back to chopping an onion. 

"Did you?" It was Daichi's turn to be interested. "What position did you play?" 

"Setter." 

"Ah! Such a good position. The control tower of the team, some have said." 

"You really are a coach, aren't you?" 

Daichi laughed, free and easy. "Sorry, it's kind of like breathing to me." 

"Yeah," Suga paused. "I miss that kind of thing sometimes. The camaraderie, the excitement, I don't know." 

"There's something special about it," Daichi sighed. "I coach boys and girls volleyball. Sometimes they have me coach other stuff, like basketball. Once they had me coach golf. That was a disaster." 

Suga returned the laugh, it was musical and light and Daichi thought he could listen to it forever. "Could it really have been a disaster? You seem like you'd be good at that kind of thing." 

"At golf? That's laughable. You clearly don't know me very well." 

"I'd like to though," Suga said before coughing loudly.

Daichi's heart skipped another beat. He had to be imagining things. There was no way this soft, sweet, angelic librarian with an adorable mole that Daichi just now noticed wanted anything to do with Daichi, no way in hell-

"I don't mean to push though," Suga spoke again and Daichi realized with horror that had forgotten to respond. 

"N-no! It's not that!" He stammered, backtracking quickly. "It's just, that I, um, well..." 

Maybe he would feel better if he said it. Maybe hearing himself say it out loud would cement it in his brain, so he would stop feeling the ache. 

"I came here to get away from my old boyfriend," Daichi said simply as he stared down at the countertop, trying to memorize the pattern in the wood. What was he thinking? He knew better than to say such honest things like that. All that came from honesty was arguments. What a fool he must be, to isolate Suga like this so early on. 

"Ah, I see," Suga's reply was soft, almost kind. "Well, like I said, I didn't meant to push you." 

Daichi looked back up, the familiar fear creeping up in him. Honesty had never met with much success before. It was so easy to hurt Kuroo, Daichi had lost the ability to voice his feelings so long ago. 

But when he looked up, Suga's eyes were as soft as the reply had been. He looked sad. 

"I didn't mean to dump that on you," Daichi fidgeted with his hands. 

"I sort of asked without meaning to, which I shouldn't have done," Suga brushed the chopped onion off the cutting board and onto the pan on the stove. Pops and sizzles claimed the noise in the room momentarily, as silence sat between Suga and Daichi. 

"I'm sorry," Suga said, and Daichi swore he was hearing things. 

"No, I should be the one who's sorry," he said quickly, unconsciously falling back upon old habits, apologizing for things that weren't his fault. 

"Hmm," Suga ignored Daichi's apology and reached out so that his hand hovered over Daichi's arm, which was shaking, Daichi suddenly noticed. "Would it be okay if I touched your arm?" 

Daichi couldn't remember the last time he had been asked permission. A lump rose in his throat as he nodded, drinking in the kindness of Suga's eyes. 

"Thanks," Suga said before lightly putting his hand on Daichi's forearm. "I want you to know that I want to get to know you, but not for anything other than who you are. I don't need anything from you, okay?" 

The ache in Daichi's heart eased just a little bit more. "Okay," his whispered, his voice quiet and small. 

"I don't know what he did to you, Daichi, but I want you to know you didn't ask for it," with a gentle squeeze, Suga released Daichi's arm and walked back over to the pan. "You deserve better." 

Daichi didn't know what to say, so he sat, reveling in this new space, this kindness. 

"Shall I open the wine?" Suga asked, voice still soothing and soft. 

"Yeah, why don't you," despite the quick change in conversation, Daichi found himself speaking easily again, the lump in his throat gone. 

He didn't feel exposed or embarrassed, the way he always did when he and Kuroo had conversations of any substance.

Suga poured each of them a glass of wine and stirred the pan. "I assume you played volleyball as well, if you're so apt at coaching." 

"I did," Daichi sipped the wine, felt it swirl on his tongue.

"Position?" Suga glanced up from his work. 

"Wing spiker." 

"I bet you had a solid receive, didn't you?" Another subtle wink from Suga sent a flush up Daichi's face. 

"I w-was told that anyway." 

Suga laughed as he began ladling the curry onto two separate plates. "I tease, I tease. Well, I'm sure you're hungry, waiting all this time." 

"I'm just happy to have something to eat, honestly," Daichi replied as he acquired a fork and napkin. "Where do you usually eat?" 

Suga slid both dishes across the bar so they were in front of Daichi. "Usually I eat at the couch or here on the bar. Do you mind?" Suga walked around the island and pulled out the stool next to Daichi. 

"I don't mind at all," Daichi said truthfully. Sitting next to Suga sounded nice. 

It hardly occurred to him that they would be sitting close together, and an electricity he wasn't ready for shot through his arm as their elbows bumped. Suga didn't seem to notice at all, and happily sunk his fork into his food. 

"How rude of me," Suga spoke suddenly through a mouthful of food, obviously upset that he had forgotten something. He chewed before swallowing loudly, then reached for his wine glass. He held it up towards Daichi. 

"A toast to new beginnings," Suga said, a twinkle in his eye as he looked, happily, at Daichi. 

Daichi paused, dumbstruck, before breaking into a large smile himself. Forget the ache in his chest, because as of tonight, whatever his relationship with Suga actually was, he wasn't on his own anymore. At the very least, he had a friend. 

Daichi clinked glasses with Suga.

"To new beginnings."


	4. He Broke Into My House

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A slice of Daichi's coaching life, and Suga's best friend pushes him not to be afraid.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I borrowed the line about telling Yui the storybook version from the slam poem "Trigger Warning" by Karina Stow.

Daichi was just thinking about how much he was enjoying being outside on this sunshine-filled day when a volleyball decided to connect with his head, swiftly and with force. Honestly, the fifth grade girls he was coaching really shouldn’t be this strong. 

“Sorry, Sawamura-san!” A small girl apologized loudly, swaying nervously back and forth on her feet, if Daichi wasn’t mistaken. 

He rubbed his head where the volleyball had hit, but smiled at her. 

“It’s all right, Yui,” he hoped he sounded sincere. Yui was the most energetic and enthusiastic of the troupe, and he appreciated her spunk, even if it didn’t always result in the best fate for him and his head. 

Yui made Thursday morning private lessons much better. There was no denying that most of the girls who showed up to practice were dragged to it by their rich parents with high expectations. Daichi felt sorry for everyone involved: for the girls, that they were being put up to something that they didn’t want to do; himself for having to try to make them do something remotely like volleyball for three hours every Thursday morning all summer; and for Yui, who actually wanted to practice and improve, with no real partners or summer team to speak of. 

“It’s about time to clean up, girls!” Most of them happily started gathering up the volleyballs, as the cars of their respective mothers pulled up into the lot outside the volleyball court. 

Almost all of the girls had piled into their cars, when his spunky favorite came up to him, eyes wide and bright, yet somehow concerned. 

“Sawamura-san, are you alright?” 

Yui’s perceptive instinct was one of the things that Daichi admired about her. It’s what made her a natural choice for setter, but it sometimes backfired on him. She could see far too much; on the court, in her friends, in Daichi - it was unsettling. 

“I don’t know what you mean, Yui-chan,” he shouldn’t even try. She would know better. “Of course I’m alright.” 

“You seem sad,” she was blunt, blinking at him in confusion. “It’s okay to be sad.” 

Daichi let his smile droop ever so slightly. He bent down on a knee to ruffle her hair. 

“You’re a good kid, Yui-chan. I am a little bit sad. Thank you for noticing.” 

“Did something bad happen to you?” 

Daichi sighed. He didn’t believe in lying to children, but he still told her the storybook version. Looking deep into her sincere blue eyes, he opted for a metaphor.

“A bad man broke into my house-”

Yui gasped, interrupting him. “Sawamura-san, did he hurt you?” 

Daichi swallowed. Storybooks told lies. 

“Of course not, Yui-chan.” _Yes he did._ “I’m your strong coach, after all,” Daichi grinned wide for Yui, a sunken pit rapidly expanding in his stomach. He cared about Yui too much, he didn't want to lie to her - but children should be spared reality, sometimes. 

“O-okay,” she seemed to accept this. “But are you safe where you live, Sawamura-san? He’s never ever coming back?” 

A soft sound, almost a chuckle if not for the sadness, escaped him. “Yes, Yui-chan. I moved to a new house, and I’m safe there now.” 

“Okay. You should buy an alarm, or get a watchdog, just in case.” 

“I’ll think about it, okay?” Daichi gave her hair one last ruffle before stranding up. “Don’t forget to practice this week. We’ll work on receives next week.” 

“Receives are boring!” Yui crossed her arms over her chest, turning her nose up. 

“Boring or not, receives can make or break a team. Even a setter needs to know, because the setter has to remain in control no matter what the situation is.” 

“Fine,” she huffed, but relented. 

“I’ll see you next week, Yui-chan,” Daichi pushed her gently in the direction of her mother, who had arrived during their conversation. Daichi he bowed at slightly. Yui’s mother, Asuna, was a kind woman with tired eyes, always so silently grateful. Daichi knew that Yui must know something of sadness to have picked up on his so easily, but he wasn’t the prying type. He simply taught Yui to be the best she could be. That seemed to be enough. 

+++ 

“Kou-chan, what’s gotten into you? You’re quieter than usual. And you’re taking forever to make my drink!” 

Suga jumped in the kitchen, almost spilling the drinks he was pouring. He looked over at Oikawa, who rolled over on Suga’s couch, stretching out like a lanky, dramatic cat.

“No I’m not!” he protested, vaguely aware that his voice had climbed a few octaves. “I’m just thinking. I’m always thoughtful!” 

“Ooooooh, Kou-chan is flustered!” Oikawa popped up, clearly satisfied with his stretch as well as Suga’s new demeanor. With a sly grin, he continued: “Has the day finally come? Will I finally get to witness what I’ve been waiting for all my life?” 

Suga rolled his eyes, dropping lime slices into their respective gin and tonics, and walked into the living room. “I haven’t the slightest idea what you’re talking about, Tooru.” 

Oikawa winked. “You know exactly what I’m talking about, Kou-chan. The day when you get that little flush in your cheeks that I see now and that little jump in your voice that I heard just then. Those telltale signs can only mean one thing.” 

Suga’s chest squeezed ever so slightly, but he tried to maintain an air of disaffection. He passed Oikawa his gin and tonic and shrugged, sinking down against the couch next to his friend. 

“And what exactly could they mean?” 

“Kou-chan has a crush!” Oikawa proclaimed triumphantly. 

He should have been prepared for it, but he wasn’t. Suga took a full swig from his drink as he frantically thought of a reply, but ended up coughing. When he recovered, Oikawa had a smirk covering his features fit to beat the devil himself. 

“See, you and I both know that I know when these things happen. There’s no reason to deny it.” 

“I still don’t know what things you’re talking about.”

Oikawa was not to be deterred. 

“Who is he? Is he a library patron? Or a subordinate?” A dramatic pause followed before: “Wouldn’t that be just delicious, a story of how you can never be together while Kou-chan remains in a position of power and maybe you will give up those glamorous library privileges, oooooooh such a story,” Oikawa sighed dreamily, closing both eyes before opening one of them experimentally and surveying Suga. 

“Okay, so not a library patron or subordinate.” 

“What are you talking about?! I didn’t say anything!” 

“Oh, Kou-chan, sweetie, you don’t have to. You know that. I can read you like an open book. That adorable little face of yours might fool most people, but not Oikawa Tooru!”

As if all the powers in the world were conspiring to ruin Suga, at that very moment, Sawamura Daichi walked by his living room window, which sat opposite of the couch where Oikawa and Suga were. It was a mistake, but Suga let his eyes follow his new neighbor, dressed in casual workout clothes and god he must have been coaching volleyball -

“Today is the luckiest day of my life!” Oikawa cried out, making Suga cringe as he was abruptly brought back to reality. 

“W-what are you talking about, Tooru?” He stammered helplessly.

Oikawa threw his head back and laughed, as he hopped up to run excitedly to the window. 

“Shut up, Tooru,” Suga’s voice climbed another octave. “You don’t know what you’re talking ab-”

“But you’re so obvious! Why do you keep insisting you can hide things from me?” 

“Tooru, don’t-” 

Oikawa’s face was pressed all the way up against the glass. Suga thanked all the powers he knew of that Daichi had already passed by and wasn’t looking back. 

“Victory is mine, Kou-chan. Not only did I get it out of you in record speed, but I got a nice look at your new crush and his fabulous ass. No wonder you’re all in a dither. Oooooh and now he’s walking up the stairs _~~Kou-chan you really are missing a great view~~_ ” 

In a gesture of defeat and a hunger he kicked himself for, Suga pounced to stand next to his friend by the window. Oikawa couldn’t have been more right. Never had Suga been glad that the stairwell stood between his room and the garden area in the recreational section of the apartment complex. Long had he lamented his lack of a proper view, but this, this was exactly the kind of view he was interested in. 

“Let’s run after, Kou-chan! I can think of a million excellent excuses.” Suga looked sharply as Oikawa reached for the doorknob. 

“Absolutely not,” he grabbed his best friend’s collar; they collided roughly as Oikawa was forced backward from the door. 

“But I want to see if the brains match that ass. I can’t have you going for some nitwit muscleman. It’s been so long since you’ve been with someone-” 

Suga flicked Oikawa’s ear, hard. 

“Mean, Kou-chan!” Oikawa rubbed the side of his head, wrenching his collar free from Suga’s vicious hold. “As I was saying, it’s been so long since you’ve gotten any that I’m worried that maybe your standards have dropped,” Suga flicked him again. 

“OW! Here I am, looking out for your well-being, and all you do is inflict violence upon me? How horrendously you treat me.” 

“You can’t meet him.” 

“I let you meet Iwa-chan as soon as I met him,” Oikawa’s voice was stern, features somehow scrunched into an absurd pout. 

“That’s…” Suga swallowed, “different.” 

Oikawa sighed, slumping over before dragging himself back to the couch and flopping on it dramatically. Despite all that, though, he sat back up, ready to listen and be The Supportive Best Friend He Was Occasionally Capable Of Being. 

“Okay, what is it, really?” 

Suga sat down next to him, relaxing back on the couch. He was happy that the teasing had subsided, at least for now. 

“I’m not sure exactly,” Suga picked up his drink, swirling the ice around, condensation collecting on his fingers, “but I get the feeling he’s escaping something. He said he came here for a fresh start. It seems like this is good for him, like whatever he’s getting away from was hard to leave. I don’t want to get in the way of his new life.” 

Oikawa, blessedly, said nothing for a while. He contemplated the ceiling, sipping his own drink thoughtfully. 

“He’s here for something new, just like you were once, right?” 

Suga didn’t like where this was going, “I’m sure it’s nothing like that.” 

“Even still,” Oikawa looked him in the eye seriously, “you know what this is like. As much as I am betraying the part of myself that needs you to get laid so you can stop being so uptight,” he flipped his perfect bangs dramatically as if to ease the tension, “I think you’re being respectful by not immediately trying to hit that ten out of ten absolutely perfect ass - since that’s what it is.”

Oikawa was peppering the conversation with lightness, but Suga still felt heavy inside. 

“He seems hurt enough already. I don’t need to get in there and make it worse.” 

“Kou-chan,” Oikawa’s face was dark with a furious seriousness and his voice was light like an angel. This was the scary Oikawa that Suga always listened to, whether he wanted to or not. 

“You couldn’t hurt a fly. So listen to me when I say this: do your due diligence to feel okay about this and don’t rush into it. Give him space if you think he needs it.”

“I-” 

“But don’t be afraid.”

Suga opened and closed his mouth a few times. Oikawa’s eyes crinkled around the edges, as they always did when he empathized too well. 

“You’re too good, Kou-chan.” 

“I am not. Don’t say that.” 

“Don’t be mean to my friend.” 

Suga rolled his eyes again, but felt himself relax. “I’m going to give him all the space he needs.” 

“If months go by, I really will introduce myself without you there. You wouldn’t want that to happen, would you?” 

It was true. Suga never knew what to expect when Oikawa was on his own, without Suga or Iwaizumi to keep him in check. “Okay, okay! No introducing yourself.” 

“What’s Mr. Perfect Ass’s name?” 

Suga tutted impatiently. “His name is Daichi. Don’t call him silly things.” 

Shrugging, Oikawa sipped the last of his drink. “I’ll do what I want until you convince me you have the right to tell me otherwise. I thought you weren’t going to interfere.” 

Suga glared without much conviction. 

“If you’ll excuse me,” Oikawa stood up, smoothing his hair and still rumpled collar, “Iwa-chan and I are going out for dinner. I know I said I won’t rush you, but I would dearly love to have someone to double date with, so… get a move on, Kou-chan. For my sake.” 

+++ 

Daichi swallowed, shifting to get as comfortable as possible on his semi-inflated air mattress, as he pulled up Suga’s contact information. Suga had said he wanted to see Daichi. Surely that meant he wouldn’t be opposed to Daichi texting him, right?

It was like he had forgotten how to ride a bicycle. He hadn’t met a new friend for almost five years now. Sure, there were the moms and dads of his students, occasionally a nice coworker at the high school, but he never saw them outside of work. Kuroo liked having Daichi all to himself. 

It had seemed so normal, Daichi wondered how he let himself get this isolated. He should have seen it. 

Shaking his head, he started typing out a text message. It was now or never. 

[4:52 Daichi]: Hey Suga! It’s Daichi. I was thinking it should be my turn to host you. You’ve beat me to it twice, but I won’t let you get the best of me this time!  
[5:07 Suga]: Sorry, I just hopped out of the shower! 

Daichi was blushing before he realized he was even wondering just what that would look like; Suga, ash-blonde bangs wet against his forehead, smelling like sweet bath soaps and warm water. 

He needed to reply before it started to look suspicious. 

[5:05 Daichi]: Not a problem! Just thinking you should come over sometime soon.  
[5:05 Suga]: There’s no need to rush! I’m sure you’re still getting set up. I know how long moving can take! I’d be happy to have you over here again, if you’d like. 

Was that a smile that Daichi felt on his face?

[5:06 Daichi]: My apartment might look kind of like a prison cell but I promise only wholesome activities occur here. You know, like cooking and binge watching Netflix.  
[5:06 Suga]: I’ll take your word for it ;) 

The blush returned to Daichi’s cheeks, and he was glad Suga wasn’t here to see it. How silly, to be blushing over a text message. 

[5:07 Daichi]: Is there a night that works best for you?  
[5:07 Suga]: I host book club at the library tomorrow night, but Saturday would work for me. 

Daichi swallowed. Weekends usually imply, you know, _date_ night? Is that what Suga was going for?

[5:08 Daichi]: Book club on a Friday night? You sure are wild.  
[5:08 Suga]: Oh, I’m a wild one. The old ladies at book club will tell you all about it. So Saturday?  
[5:09 Daichi]: Saturday it is.  
[5:09 Suga]: Yay! :) :) :) 

Daichi told himself he didn’t notice the extra smiley faces. That would be a stupid thing to notice.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah, yeah, i'm sao trash and Yui/Asuna are not mine but they seemed to fit, so, oops.


	5. Glass Shards Seem Invisible Until They Cut You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _"Fine. Go. You'll be back."_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> my kagehina children are ~adorable~ please love them with me
> 
> also daichi my heart hurts for you pls accept suga's love

The plastic grocery bags rustled in Daichi’s fingers as he walked from his car to the stairwell. He might be jumping the gun a little, going grocery shopping for Saturday dinner on Friday morning, but it’s not like he was _eager_ or anything. He just wanted to be prepared. 

Daichi could hear a familiar bickering as he came up the stairs. He stiffened at a tone he recognized - both from hearing Hinata and Kageyama interact earlier, and from somewhere inside him, a memory only a week old. 

“Dumbass, did you seriously leave your keys inside again?” 

“It’s not like you remember them all the time!” 

“Yeah, but I never forget them when we leave together and only one of us has a pair of keys, you idiot!” 

Daichi was tired from practice but his heart beating quickly. The tone, the setting, the feeling, it was all too familiar. Daichi stepped on the last step and cleared his throat. 

“Daichi-san!” Hinata positively beamed, turning away from Kageyama and running immediately to Daichi.

“Hinata,” Daichi smiled, the soft one he usually reserved for Yui, “are you guys having a problem?” He tried not to ask this too threateningly, but there was no helping the sharp glint of his glare as he shot a look towards Kageyama. 

Kageyama seemed not to notice at all, and stepped towards both of them. Hinata didn’t flinch, as Daichi would have. 

“Dumbass here forgot his keys when we went to do laundry, and now we’re locked out.” 

To Daichi’s surprise, Hinata retreated from Daichi to bump backwards into Kageyama playfully. 

“Kageyama-kun, maybe this is an opportunity! Maybe we can hang out with Daichi-san?” Hinata waggled his eyebrows. 

“Don’t impose, dumbass,” Kageyama’s voice was gentler now, not so annoyed and harsh, and despite the insulting name, he reached a hand out to ruffle Hinata’s unruly hair. “Besides, weren’t we going to play a card game?” 

Daichi was surprised to hear a bit of pleading in Kageyama’s tone. 

“We can play a card game any old time!” 

“Does the landlord have keys?” Strangely, Daichi wondered if he was intruding into something good, something special, and gave them an out. 

Hinata’s expression darkened. “I hate talking to Ukai-san,” he pouted, reminding Daichi exactly of Yui. They could be siblings. 

“He seemed nice enough to me,” Daichi said, perhaps a bit too chastising. 

“Maybe to you! But you’re a real resident with his name on the lease. Ukai-san hated me for staying with Kageyama for so long,” Hinata reached behind him, it seemed unconscious, linking fingers with Kageyama, who turned pink at the contact.

“He didn’t hate you,” Daichi noticed the way Kageyama gingerly squeezed Hinata’s hand. Kuroo never did that after calling Daichi names; no expressions of tenderness when Kuroo was annoyed. 

“He certainly likes me better now that my name is on the lease.” 

Kageyama rolled his eyes, fluffing Hinata’s hair with his free hand. “Whatever you say, silly.” 

Daichi’s eyes widened. The bickering was a front, apparently, and the way Hinata’s wrinkled brow eased at the touch confirmed to Daichi that maybe - just maybe - he was seeing things that didn’t exist; that every relationship wasn’t destined to end in empty apartments and broken picture frames. 

Daichi broke his favorite picture of him and Kuroo as he walked out the door. 

_“Why would you do something like that, Dai?” Kuroo’s voice dripped malice as Daichi stared down at the glass shards, sharp but almost invisible, littering the floor by his feet._

_“What does it matter?” Daichi snapped, fire welling up in his chest. He wouldn’t let Kuroo hurt him anymore._

_“When you come back-”_

_“I’m not coming back!” His voice rose, and Daichi felt everything swim around him. He was letting his world crumble, because his world was sucking the life out of him._

_Kuroo ignored this, mouth set in a hard line, because he knew he was right. Kuroo was always right. Daichi had always come back before._

_“When you come back, I’m never letting you frame that picture again. I know it’s your favorite, and you can’t have it anymore. You broke it.”_

_“I’m not coming back,” angry tears gathered in his eyes, and Daichi wished he could control his emotions, for once in his life._

_“You will, Dai. You won’t make it on your own. You can’t afford that shady hotel for long anyway.”_

_“I got an apartment.”_

_Kuroo’s eyes widened. After a pause, “You’re lying.”_

_“I’m not,” it felt like victory._

_But when Kuroo walked towards him, Daichi flinched instinctively, and he remembered how weak he was. Kuroo’s arms reached towards him, either to hurt or to comfort. Sometimes Kuroo comforted him during arguments._

_“Don’t touch me,” Daichi spat, voice quiet but sharper than it had ever been._

_Kuroo stopped short, pulled his arms back, crossing them over his chest as he narrowed his eyes._

_“Fine. Go. You’ll be back.”_

_The tears started to spill down Daichi’s cheeks, and he flung the messenger bag over his shoulder, picked up his suitcases._

_“Goodbye, Kuroo.”_

“Kageyama doesn’t want me to intrude, but I don’t care what he thinks, Daichi-san,” Hinata’s voice rang in Daichi’s ears, and he realized he was shaking. 

“I’m sorry,” Daichi looked up, blinking as though confused, “Can you say that again?” 

“Dumbass here wants to impose himself into your place, but I’m just going to get Ukai-san-” 

“I would love it if you came over,” Daichi said quickly, surprising himself. He really would love it. It seemed impulsive, but he didn’t care. He didn’t need to calculate his life anymore. He could be impulsive if he wanted. 

“Oh,” Kageyama said simply, “alright. We will then. We still need to get into our apartment though, so you two go ahead, and I’ll just run and get Ukai-san.” 

“Good,” Hinata smiled at his boyfriend, “then I don’t have to talk to him.” 

“For the last time, Ukai-san doesn’t hate you.” 

“Well, it feels like it.” 

Daichi smiled, feeling a strange urge to ruffle Hinata’s hair. He didn’t. 

“Sometimes it’s easy to feel things even when they aren’t true, isn’t it? I don’t really have much in the apartment though.” 

“That’s okay!” Hinata practically bounced up in the air. It was amazing how one person could radiate so much joy. It was infectious. 

“Okay, come inside then,” Daichi opened his door and held it behind him for Hinata. When the door shut, Daichi asked, “How did you and Kageyama meet?” 

“Ah well, we’re were both in university when we met. We lived in the same dorm. It was pretty fun, actually, but it got too expensive for both of us,” Hinata frowned. 

“Sorry,” Daichi fumbled with his keys. With no table, there wasn’t anywhere to set them down, so he slid them back into his pocket. “I didn’t mean to bring up bad memories.” 

Hinata’s frown straightened out almost immediately. “No, no. It’s better this way. We both got jobs we like and…” his voice trailed off as he looked around, surveying the apartment for the first time. 

“What?” Daichi felt suddenly self-conscious as his still mostly empty living space was scrutinized. He expected Hinata to make fun of it, the lack of furniture, no decorations to be seen except his solitary plant. 

Instead, Hinata exclaimed loudly, “Coooool! Your apartment looks just like ours, only bigger!” 

A knock sounded on the door. 

“Come in!” Daichi called. 

Kageyama poked his head in. “Of course it looks bigger, dumbass, we have shit piled everywhere in ours, while Daichi-san here has the good sense not to collect needless shit.” 

“Stop swearing so much,” Hinata stuck out his tongue. 

“No,” Kageyama stuck his tongue out in reply. Really, they were sort of like children. 

“I don’t really have much for you guys to sit on,” Daichi motioned vaguely to the emptiness by waving his hands.

“I like sitting on the ground!” Hinata declared brightly before sitting amazingly quickly, on Daichi’s carpet. Wordlessly, Kageyama nodded in assent before joining Hinata on the ground, sitting close enough that he could reach his arms around and pull Hinata into him gently. 

Daichi joined them. 

“Daichi-san,” Kageyama spoke, absentmindedly running his hands through Hinata’s mussed hair, “when did you move in?” 

“The same day I helped you move your couch,” Daichi surveyed both of them, reveling in the strength of their closeness. Even from their small movements around each other, it was obvious that they drew on each other’s energy. He could see safety between them. 

It made the empty hole in his chest smaller. 

“You know, we have some extra furniture since Hinata moved in,” Kageyama was saying when Daichi tuned back into the conversation. 

Daichi looked at him in confusion. Kageyama went a bit pink. 

“I m-mean, nothing nice or anything,” Kageyama stammered like he didn’t know how to articulate the kindness he felt. 

Hinata sighed, letting his head rest on Kageyama’s shoulder. “What he’s trying to say, Daichi-san,” Hinata gestured easily, as though translating Kageyama to the rest of the world was a normal part of his life, “is that we have some things we don’t need and we were wondering if you wanted to have them.” 

“You want to give them to me?” He probably sounded stupid for asking something so obvious, it had just been so long since someone had done something for him with no strings attached, he couldn’t remember that was something people did. 

“Only if you want them, of course,” Kageyama muttered quietly. 

Daichi hoped he didn’t look surprised. He felt a small smile tug at his lips. “As you can see,” he said with ease this time, “I’m pretty sparse on living equipment, so if you’re sure you don’t need them-” 

Hinata punched the air and lifted his face from Kageyama’s shoulder to smile up at his boyfriend. 

“I told you it was a good idea!” 

“It was my idea, so of course it was a good one,” Kageyama snapped, cheeks still slightly reddened. “And don’t interrupt Daichi-san when he talks!” 

“Kageyama has lots of good and kind ideas, he just doesn’t want anyone to know how nice he really is,” Hinata said with a wink. 

An hour later, Daichi’s apartment looked much less sparse with a loveseat (with Hinata’s new couch, they just didn’t need the extra seating), a coffee table, and a floor lamp. The lamp was silly, with multi-colored lightbulbs (“sorry it looks so childish,” Kageyama had said. “I love it,” Daichi had replied). 

After Hinata and Kageyama left, Daichi laid experimentally on the loveseat. It was comfortable, just big enough for one person stretched out or two sitting close together. He felt a bit more comfortable about the prospect of Suga coming over the next day now that his only living room possessions were upended suitcases. It looked much better than the last time Suga had come to Daichi’s doorstep, with his silly plant and sincere smile. 

+++

[04:30 Suga]: Have you started cooking yet?

Daichi felt this was a little too accusatory. He had just gotten out of the shower after a long day in the sun. Water dripped from his hair to his eyes as he typed out a reply. 

[04:31 Daichi]: Not all of us are master chefs  
[04:31 Suga]: That’s not what I meant :P  
[04:32 Daichi]: What exactly did you mean then?  
[04:32 Suga]: I was thinking that maybe possibly only if you wanted of course I could take you to my favorite thrift store. They have plates for 25 cents each! I bet you need some dishes. 

It was true. Part of the reason Daichi hadn’t started cooking yet is because he had no kitchen implements with which to cook. He hadn’t exactly thought that through when he had invited Suga over, and the girls had one of their few summer volleyball tournaments all day. He had acquired the necessary groceries for dinner, which was a good first step, but certainly didn’t cover all the needs. He didn’t even have a microwave.

[04:33 Daichi]: Book clubs and thrift stores, you sure are something.  
[04:33 Suga]: What’s that supposed to mean? 

It meant that Suga was clearly an angel dropped out of heaven, who was way too precious for Daichi. 

[04:34 Daichi]: Full disclosure. I have ingredients but no cooking utensils.  
[04:34 Suga]: I’m perceptive, Daichi. I may have guessed that. So, thrift store?  
[04:35 Daichi]: I’ll be ready in 20 minutes. 

+++

“Put that basket down, I’m getting a cart and we can share,” Suga smiled pleasantly as he tugged a rickety cart out of the line. Suga had to put up a bit of a fight to get it out, but he won in the end. 

“If you’re sure,” Daichi said, happy at the idea of _sharing_ something with Suga. 

“To the kitchen implements!” Suga raised his fist like they were about to march out for battle. “Don’t laugh at me!” He pouted when Daichi giggled. 

“Sorry,” Daichi said with a sheepish grin. 

Suga’s pout relaxed into a smile. By the time Daichi realized he was staring, it was too late. 

Perhaps to spare Daichi, Suga simply winked and turned to push the cart forward, presumably in the direction of the dishes and kitchenware. Daichi trailed behind him, surprised at how enthusiastic Suga was about kitchenware. Or maybe it was the thrift store. Suga pushed the cart forward, and occasionally would step up onto it with one foot, the other hanging precariously over the floor. 

“You’re going to hurt yourself, you know,” Daichi chastised from behind. 

“Ooooh, is that your coach voice?” Suga answered without looking back. 

Daichi sighed. “Of course not.” 

“I bet it is,” Suga teased. 

“You don’t look like you need any coaching for thrifting.” 

“Damn right I don’t!” Suga slowed his pace, and did turn back this time. His hazel eyes were round and full of happiness. Daichi felt like this was a special happiness that Suga was allowing him a little window into. 

“Okay, tell me what you’re cooking for dinner and we can shop appropriately.” 

“Sugawara Koushi is a man on a mission,” Daichi laughed. 

In the end, they found a nice set of four dishes and bowls, four sets of silverware, two cups, a skillet, and a cookie sheet.

“All for $7.25!” Suga looked proud as he waved the receipt in front of Daichi on their way back to the car. 

“Uh, do you want to keep that?” Daichi asked with a smirk. Suga turned pink and couldn’t manage a reply. “You’re a nerd, you know that?” 

Suga nodded resolutely. “I will keep it. It will remind me of our adventure. Maybe I’ll put it on my fridge,” he pulled out his wallet and tucked it in. Daichi felt his heart skip a beat. What a silly commemoration. 

+++ 

“You got some furniture!” Suga said as he and Daichi came in with their precious thrift store purchases. 

“Kageyama and Hinata, you know, in 209?” 

“Ah, yes, the bickering old married couple. I love those little dorks,” Suga said, features soft and fond. 

If Suga thought they were happy, Daichi decided he wasn’t going to worry about them anymore. He remembered the casual touches between them, the easy way the bickering dissipated into normalcy. 

“Yeah, since Hinata moved in recently they had some extra furniture. It’s not much but I really appreciated it.” 

“Oooh, they gave you the color lamp!” Suga grinned. “Hinata bought it for Kageyama last year for Christmas, and Kageyama’s been looking for an excuse to get rid of it ever since.” 

“Kageyama doesn’t like it?” 

Suga laughed, a light jingle. “Hinata didn’t used to be good at buying presents for Kageyama. He’s figuring it out more now.” 

It struck Daichi that Kageyama hadn’t simply tossed it out or made Hinata get rid of it, even if he didn’t like it. Kuroo threw away Daichi’s things often, without reason or permission. Kageyama, instead, found a way it could be put to good use, and had asked Hinata if it was okay. Daichi was starting to get the picture that beneath the glowering look and the gruff remarks, Kageyama actually had a heart of gold.

Daichi’s dinner was simple, an easy spaghetti with homemade meatballs. It was the first thing his mother ever taught him to cook, and it had never failed. 

Suga did have to run to his apartment and get an extra dish to boil the noodles in because Daichi forgot that you can’t saute sauce and boil noodles in the same pot, but they got through it and he was no worse for the wear. It was refreshing, how a simple mistake ended in both of them laughing, not someone laughing at him. Daichi was used to being laughed at, not with. 

They ate on the floor in front of the coffee table. 

As dinner came to an end, Suga slurped the last of his noodles, sauce landing dramatically on his nose. He rolled his eyes, exasperated. 

“I’m sorry I’m such a sloppy eater, Daichi, you must be ashamed of me.” 

Without thinking about it, Daichi reached up with his napkin and wiped the sauce of the edge of Suga’s nose. It seemed like the most natural thing in the world. As soon as he realized what he was doing, he turned bright red and jerked the napkin back. 

“Y-yes, Suga, you’re s-so uncivilized,” Daichi stammered his tease out, willing his blush away with everything in him because _you shouldn’t just touch someone like that you stupid useless lump_ , “w-with your book clubs and succulents and, um, and...” 

Daichi’s phone buzzed loudly on the coffee table, cutting through the moment. Daichi would have been grateful to be spared his stammering idiocy, if it weren’t for the message that flashed across the screen. 

[07:21 Kuroo]: Hey, Dai, call me soon, okay?

Daichi let his eyes linger over the notification long enough for Suga to notice. When Daichi looked up from his phone, Suga’s expression was gentle.

“Maybe I should go?” He asked. 

“No!” Daichi answered quickly. There was no way Kuroo was going to wreck this, too. “Stay, I mean,” he paused, “if you want to. I, um, I have dessert, too.” 

“I do love dessert,” Suga winked, and Daich wasn’t sure if he was supposed to blush, but he did.

Daichi pulled the premade cookie dough from the fridge and flipped the oven on. They talked with quiet voices in the kitchen as the unmistakable scent of chocolate chip cookies wafted through the air. They talked about the library, about the volleyball tournament. Daichi’s girls had lost, but not easily. 

Suga apparently wasn’t being playful when he said he liked dessert. He actually, truly loved dessert. Daichi didn’t know one person could eat cookies that had literally come out of the oven fifteen seconds ago without really swallowing. 

“I told you,” Suga said through a mouthful of chocolate, “you should be ashamed of me.” 

“The uncivilized thing might fit you more now,” Daichi admitted, eyes wide as Suga ate another cookie. It had to be his tenth. They had only been out of the oven for four minutes. 

The cookies were eaten, the dishes were done, and Daichi didn’t want Suga to leave. He certainly didn’t know how to ask Suga to say. 

“I should probably go,” Suga said, stretching and heading for the door. Daichi followed him the doorway. “Thanks for having me over.” 

“Thanks for putting up with my lack of furniture.” 

“We can always go back to the thrift store,” Suga quirked one eyebrow suggestively, as though thrifting was the most suggestive thing Suga could think of. “They have lots of great furniture.” 

“Maybe when I get a paycheck again, I’ll think about it.” 

“Say, Daichi?” 

“Yeah?” 

“I’m gonna kiss your cheek, okay?” 

Daichi suddenly felt hot all over. At a complete loss for words as he stared into Suga’s sincere, caring eyes, he nodded dumbly. 

Suga leaned forward, closing his eyes. The beauty mark just below his left eye was the thing Daichi noticed the most. It was perfect, Daichi thought.It suited him. Suga brushed his lips against Daichi’s cheek, fleeting and chaste. His eyes were shining when he opened them again. They were sincere, that’s what Daichi liked about them. Those eyes wouldn’t lie to him. 

“Thanks again, Daichi,” Suga turned and headed for the stairs. “Goodnight.” 

“G-goodnight,” Daichi managed as the door swung shut. 

+++

[09:45 Kuroo]: I fixed the picture frame, Dai.  
[09:45 Kuroo]: It’s too quiet without you here. Call me, okay?  
[10:27 Kuroo]: I know you’re still up.  
[10:30 Kuroo]: You can call tomorrow, too. I’m off work. 

Daichi stared at the ceiling. He should turn his phone off. No matter how the day had distracted him, no matter how kind Suga had been, it still hurt to be without Kuroo. Tears welled up in Daichi’s eyes. He pulled the blanket up to his chin, rolling to adjust himself on the air mattress. It was fully inflated and much more comfortable than the floor had been. 

Nothing was as comfortable as his old bed, though. He remembered the soft pillows, waking to Kuroo’s ridiculous bedhead. Daichi ran his fingers through it, every single morning. 

Tomorrow, he would wake to an air mattress that had deflated subtly overnight, a crick in his neck, and bare walls. 

He really had loved that picture.


	6. One Step Forward, Two Steps Back

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Oikawa _always_ gets what he wants, and what he wants is to meet Daichi.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As I continue this, it turns out I'm totally projecting myself onto Daichi. OOOOPS. I really want him to be happy, I PROMISE. I changed my url on tumblr, and I am now kageyamas-mom, come scream with me about these losers.

Suga did inventory robotically, finding solace in the way the books slid in and out of the shelves easily so he could record them, one after the other, to check and make sure not one was out of place. There was a small device, no bigger than a lighter, with a strap that was looped around his wrist. All he had to do was pull a book out, scan the barcode, and move on. It was monotonous, and it was comforting.

When all things had been out of place in his life, at least he could arrange the books, keep at least one thing in its proper place. 

“Kouuuuu-chan?” A voice, much louder than what was considered appropriate in a library, broke through his comfortable revelry. 

“Goddammit,” Suga whispered bitterly, pocketing the inventory scanner. “Not again.” 

Nothing short of sprinting, Suga made it to the source of the sound as quickly as possible. 

Oikawa was grinning, and clicked a timer on his watch as Suga arrived, breathing a bit heavily, in front of him. 

“19.7 seconds, Kou-chan, that’s impressive. A new record!” He winked. 

“Shittykawa, I told you to be quieter,” a growl came from behind Oikawa. 

Suga sighed with relief. “Ah, Iwaizumi, so nice to see you.” 

“You just ignore me?! How rude, Kou-chan!” 

“Shhhh,” Iwaizumi and Suga shushed him in unison. 

Iwaizumi was perfect for Oikawa, the degrading names notwithstanding. Oikawa was a wonderful friend, really, he just got a little enthusiastic. Suga had been warned by his supervisor that if his “Charismatic Best Friend” didn’t become a little less charismatic when he frequented the library, he would be banned. Suga had enlisted Iwaizumi to help with the task of getting Oikawa not to be loud in his search for Suga when he wasn’t at the front desk. Most of the time, it worked. 

“You’re both rude,” Oikawa turned up his nose, crossing his arms over his chest. 

“It’s also rude to shout someone’s name in a library,” Iwaizumi said with an equal amount of contempt. It wasn’t really contempt, but that was the closest emotion Suga could use to describe it. 

“Yes, hello to both of you,” Suga rolled his eyes. “Tooru, Iwaizumi is right. You have to be quieter.” 

“But I needed to see you, Kou-chan!” 

“Oh?” Suga crossed his arms over his chest. 

“Oh yes,” an evil glint flickered through Oikawa’s eyes, “for you see, my dearest little friend Tobio-chan told me that he saw you leaving your new neighbor’s house late last night.” 

Suga flushed. “You had Kageyama spy on me?” 

Oikawa waved a hand dismissively. “Spying is a bit dramatic, don’t you think? I prefer to think of it as selective observation.” 

“Yeah, he had Kageyama spy on you,” Iwaizumi cut in. “Sorry, I tried to stop him.” 

“Iwa-chan, I thought you wanted to help Suga.” 

“I like helping people with their permission, for your information.” 

Suga tried to force his blush away with sheer willpower, to no avail. “Listen, did you really have to come to my workplace to talk about this? Can we talk about this later?” 

“We came because we absolutely have to meet him right now,” Oikawa said resolutely. 

“Well, as luck would have it, right now is when I am at work,” Suga answered, tapping a foot, hoping to indicate his irritation.

“Not right now now,” Oikawa rolled his eyes, apparently indignant that Suga didn’t understand, “but today now.” 

Suga stole a glance at Iwaizumi, who shrugged. That was an unspoken sign between Suga and Iwaizumi that Oikawa needed to have his way or things were going to be unpleasant for god only knew how long. Suga and Iwaizumi had many signals like this. 

“I don’t know what his schedule is,” Suga tried with conviction. 

“I don’t care. If you’re on date night terms, I’m sure you’re on texting terms. Right?” Oikawa waggled his eyebrows. 

“We’re not on date night terms,” Suga said abruptly. “I need to get back to work,” behind Oikawa, Iwaizumi was shaking his head vigorously, indicating that Suga was making a poor decision. 

“Hmmm,” Oikawa tapped his forehead with a finger, as if thinking deeply, “Tobio-chan says Daichi lives in 206. I could just go knock. How does that sound?” 

“Fine!” Suga threw his hands up in defeat. “I’ll see what he’s doing tonight. I hope whatever you are planning is being facilitated and paid for by you, since you’re being so insufferable.” 

“Of course it is, Kou-chan. Pizza and documentaries at our apartment.”

“Fine,” Suga said. “I’ll let you know.” 

Oikawa and Iwaizumi left the library, Iwaizumi waving apologetically. Oikawa had a new spring in his step that Suga could swear was only meant to torment him. 

+++

Daichi stared at the volleyball roster. It was July, but the high school always tried to get a list of potential players to the coaches, so they could start strategizing. 

Still, early July leaves plenty of time for team planning. Bored, Daichi went back to his library books, both novels. One was historical fiction, the other a classic, East of Eden by Steinbeck. There was a place in Daichi’s heart for Steinbeck, but it had been a long while since he had been able to pick it up and read without interruption. He had an old copy of it, somewhere at Kuroo’s apartment. There was no retrieving it now, he thought. 

Sports medicine wasn’t the most advantageous of degrees, he was now discovering, but at the time it seemed like a better choice than opting for literature, which would have been his first choice. 

_“I can’t make all the money for us, Dai, honey,” Kuroo rapped his fingers on the apartment’s kitchen table._

_“People can make money without a technical degree,” Daichi shot back, frustrated. They were second years and it was time to officially choose their major._

_“It doesn’t need to be technical. It doesn’t need to be quite as practical as law,” this was, of course, Kuroo’s major of choice. “But what if I have to go law school for quite a while after we graduate? Who’s going to pay the bills?”_

_“I can always be a teacher,” Daichi said weakly, halfway given up already._

_“Teachers don’t make jack shit, Daichi,” Kuroo didn’t even have to raise his voice. “Are you stupid? You think we could live on that?”_

Coaching high school volleyball wasn’t exactly like teaching, but he still got to work with the kids, and, somehow, working alongside them as they passed through the hellish nightmare that is high school was rewarding. 

He flipped through Steinbeck, missing his old copy, with his dogeared pages and favorite pages worn down. 

[02:32 Suga]: Hey

Daichi stared at his phone. He was having a hard time processing the fact that Suga had given him a real, actual kiss. A cheek kiss, granted, but a kiss all the same. A part of him felt exhilarated, a part of him felt guilty, and another part of him felt completely confused. 

[02:33 Daichi]: Hey!  
[02:34 Suga]: I know we just saw each other yesterday, so if you have plans it’s totally fine, but I was wondering what you were doing this evening

Suga wanted to hang out again? 

[02:34 Daichi]: My schedule isn’t exactly packed  
[02:35 Suga]: My good friend was wondering if you wanted to come over, we were thinking about watching a movie.  
[02:35 Daichi]: A movie sounds fun  
[02:36 Suga]: It’s probably a stupid space documentary, but if he meets a new person we might be able to leverage a regular movie night against him  
[02:36 Daichi]: Are you using me as a bargaining chip?  
[02:36 Suga]: Do you want to watch a three hour documentary on martian windstorms?  
[02:37 Daichi]: …  
[02:37 Suga]: I get off at 4:30. Meet at my apartment at 4:45? I’ll drive.  
[02:38 Daichi]: Sounds good to me 

Daichi was excited at the prospect of seeing Suga again. It had been a long time since he had been excited to see anyone. For a long time his life was one unending cycle of working, trying to please Kuroo, failing, working more, failing more. 

Suga made him feel like he was worthwhile. Daichi didn’t know how Suga did it, but he was grateful for it. 

+++

Suga’s best friend lived in a duplex, apparently with his boyfriend. When they walked up to the door, Suga paused.

“Oikawa can be a bit,” he bit his lip as he searched for the right word, “overwhelming. Don’t let it get to you.” 

Daichi nodded, smiling. “Duly noted.” 

They turned to the door and Suga brought his hand up to knock. 

“Welcome to our lovely abode!” The door swung open before Suga got his knock in, and Daichi wondered if Suga’s friend had been staring out the peephole, waiting for them. He had excellent hair and a blinding smile. It was bright in a different way than Suga’s, more like a flash of lightning than sunshine.

“Hi, Tooru,” Suga said with a tone that Daichi couldn’t quite place. He almost sounded annoyed. It was cute. 

“Daichi, right?” Oikawa blew through Suga’s salutation, ignoring him completely and sticking his hand out firmly to Daichi. 

“Yeah,” Daichi was a bit overwhelmed by the friend’s perkiness. Suga hadn’t been kidding. “That’s me.” 

“I’m Oikawa. Kou-chan calls me Tooru, but I don’t mind what you call me.” 

“Ah,” Daichi said awkwardly. 

“I hope it’s not rude,” Oikawa continued, luckily oblivious to Daichi’s awkwardness, “but would you mind if I called you Dai-chan?” 

Daichi stiffened. “As long as you don’t call me ‘Dai,’” he said after a pause. He hoped no one noticed his discomfort. 

“Dai-chan it is!” Whether out of intuition or general ignorance, Oikawa seemed to find nothing strange with Daichi’s request. 

There was someone else in Oikawa’s apartment, Daichi noticed as they followed Oikawa in, a man who looked like he had a scowl almost permanently attached to his face. It was a good-natured scowl. Suga had interesting friends. 

“I’m Iwaizumi,” he reached out a hand to Daichi and shook it, a smile broaching the scowl. It was a good smile. 

“You can call him Iwa-chan, if you want,” Oikawa chimed brightly. 

“Iwaizumi is what I prefer,” Iwaizumi shot a glare at Oikawa, smile evaporated. 

“It’s nice to meet you both,” Daichi smiled, stealing a glance at Suga next to him. Despite his annoyed tone, Suga looked calm and happy. Daichi liked being in places where Suga was happy. The contentedness was contagious. 

“Come, come, we have pizza!” Oikawa winked. “And some adult beverages as well, please, help yourselves.” 

They settled on Oikawa and Iwaizumi’s big sectional couch. It looked like there was room enough for at least six people comfortably. Daichi sunk into the soft cushions. Despite how well-loved it seemed to be, it was still comfortable. 

Three pieces of pizza and two and a half beers later, Daichi felt himself talking more easily than normal. He wondered if he was talking too much, but he didn’t care hardly at all. Not with Suga looking at him like he was the most interesting thing in the world. Kuroo looked at him like that sometimes, but never for long. 

“He brought a plant. A plant!” Daichi felt himself gesturing animatedly with his hands. “Who does something like that?” 

Oikawa smiled widely. “My dearest best friend does, apparently.” 

Daichi looked from Oikawa to Iwaizumi to Suga, pausing for a long time. The other three seemed to sense Daichi’s need to process whatever was going on, and let the silence hang comfortably. 

After staring at Suga’s perfect eyes for a long moment, Daich blurted out, “Did you drop out of the sky or something?” 

If he wasn’t mistaken, Suga’s face took on a slightly more red tinge than it had before, and he shifted in his place next to Daichi. Oikawa giggled, but Daichi ignored this. 

“I don’t know what you mean,” Suga said. 

“Oh I think you do,” Oikawa interjected. 

“I mean,” Daichi continued as though he hadn’t heard Oikawa, “you run book clubs and brought me a plant that I haven’t killed yet.” 

“Kou-chan is quite the romantic,” Oikawa said, undeterred by being ignored. “In the traditional sense, of course.” 

Daichi took another swig of his third beer and scooted what he hoped was imperceptibly closer to Suga. He was fairly certain no one had noticed. He was drawn to Suga’s warmth, felt that perhaps if they were closer, some of Suga’s goodness would rub off on him. 

“Time for the show, what do you all think?” 

“That sounds nice, Tooru,” Suga answered, apparently relieved not to be answering questions anymore. Daichi wondered if he had been too pushy. He really meant it, though. He had never met someone like Suga before, and certainly never been treated with the gentleness Suga had. 

Iwaizumi dimmed the lights and took his place on the sectional couch next to Oikawa. They eased into each other seamlessly, and Daichi was happy for them. 

Despite Iwaizumi’s scowl, Daichi saw him tuck a lock of hair behind Oikawa’s ear, heard him whisper, “Sillykawa, you won’t be able to see like that.” 

The documentary played and it was every bit as boring as Suga had promised it would be. Daichi didn’t mind, though. He could keep his thoughts on other things, namely, Suga. He kept flicking his eyes over next to him, covertly admiring Suga’s eyes, hair, lips, beauty mark-

He needed to stop. Daichi was getting in way too deep. But Suga was too good, and Daichi couldn’t help it. 

Spurred on by the alcohol, probably, Daichi felt himself move closer to Suga, so their knees knocked and their hands brushed. As the documentary wore on, Daichi felt their fingers interlace. He let his head rest on Suga’s shoulder. Suga shifted slightly, presumably to make Daichi more comfortable. Suga ran his thumb over Daichi’s knuckles, and his chest tightened. 

If he had been thinking more clearly, Daichi might have been scared. Somewhere inside him he knew that he was afraid of this. He might have paused to remember that he wasn’t good enough for someone like Suga. He didn’t deserve this gentleness. But he wasn’t thinking clearly, so he relaxed. He enjoyed being close. He even, somehow, felt safe. 

+++

Suga thought that perhaps he had been shocked by an electric fence. 

Daichi - _Daichi_ \- had his head leaning against Suga’s shoulder. Suga couldn’t help but notice how warm Daichi was, how soft his short hair was as it tickled Suga’s cheek. Suga had seen the space documentary a million times before - they hadn’t successfully talked Oikawa out of it - and for once in his lifetime he was glad for it. 

Iwaizumi sat with Oikawa between his legs, a comfortable posture they’d been at for ages. Oikawa was babbling quietly to Iwaizumi about the documentary, and Iwaizumi was humming placating affirmations. They were in their own world, leaving Suga and Daichi to theirs. It was intentional, Suga was sure, and he made a note to be slightly less annoyed next time Oikawa came into the library. 

Suga glanced down at their hands, softly held together. It felt exciting and terrifying and new, but also natural as a summer breeze sifting through his hair. It was as though it was supposed to happen, it always had been, a certainty being realized. 

It wasn’t long before Daichi started breathing more heavily. Suga let his mind drift to the questions he had of Daichi; the ways their stories were similar, how they might diverge like rabbit trails. 

_Kuroo_ , Suga thought, mulling the name over in his head. That was who had done the hurting. The one who made Daichi flinch at soft touches, that made him brittle and breakable. Suga had the feeling that in another life, Daichi would be soft and malleable, gentle but strong and not so fragile. 

Suga knew what it was like to have someone who was supposed to love you who caused you fear. Suga knew the fear he sensed in Daichi. 

The documentary wore on, and Suga watched without taking it in. He was too distracted by the warmth of Daichi against him, how natural it felt, how soft Daichi’s snores were. He could see Oikawa eyeing them, giving Suga a thumbs up. He ignored this. 

As the droning boredom blessedly came to a close, Suga figured it was time to get back to the apartments.

“Hey, wake up, silly,” Suga whispered, shaking Daichi on his side lightly. 

“Mmmm ‘wake…” Daichi’s voice was thick with sleep. 

“Let’s get you home.” 

“Your home too, ‘m I right?” 

Suga smiled, enjoying this honest side of Daichi. He would like to see more of it. “Yes, it’s my home, too.” 

He looked up to see his best friend grinning victoriously. Suga rolled his eyes, but he didn’t mean it, and Oikawa knew that.

“Tooru,” Suga started, whispering. 

Oikawa smiled knowingly, nodding and shushing Suga. “Go on,” he mouthed quietly. 

Daichi linked his arm with Suga’s as they walked out the door. He was strong, Suga noticed, but not harsh in his touches. 

“So niiiice…” 

“What’s nice?” 

“Your face. I mean you. And your face.” 

Suga turned pink, relieved that Daichi was slumped heavily against him, unable to see his flushed cheeks. 

“Now you’re being ridiculous.” 

“I mean it,” Daichi said, voice growing softer. As Suga guided him into the front seat of his car, he wondered if Daichi would start snoring if he fell asleep. A part of him wanted to know, wanted to gather Daichi in his arms as he slept. 

Daichi mumbled quietly in the car, and Suga couldn’t make out what he was saying. No matter. It was enough to hear Daichi’s voice, to see him something close to happy. 

When they arrived at the apartment complex, Suga opened the door of the car for Daichi. 

“I can do it, you know,” Daichi mumbled, latching onto Suga’s arm again. 

Suga reached out with his free hand and mussed Daichi’s short hair. It didn’t twist or fall out of place, but it was soft and Suga had been itching to do that ever since he met Daichi.

“I know you can. Mind if I help you get to your apartment?”

“So f-f-forward,” Daichi said. 

“Not like that, silly,” Suga answered, heart squeezing. Is that what Daichi wanted? It didn’t matter, anyway, he was still a bit drunk and Suga couldn’t do that to him. They walked slowly up the stairs, and Daichi pulled his keys from his pocket, struggling to find the right one.

+++

Daichi collapsed on the air mattress, head groggy and thoughts fuzzy. He was vaguely aware of someone placing a bottle of water beside him - that would be Suga. It must have been.

“Thanks,” Daichi mumbled into his pillow as though it had been the one who brought him water. 

A gentle touch brushed over his back. He heard a soft laugh.

“Of course.” 

And just like that, Daichi was alone again. He wished he wasn’t.

His phone vibrated against him and he started, surprised and annoyed to be disturbed when he was so close to falling asleep. He downed half the water bottle, reminding himself that future Daichi would appreciate him if he did so, as he pulled his out. 

His heart twisted painfully as he read the message.

[09:43 Kuroo]: You still haven’t called me, Dai

Daichi shouldn’t. Suga was so warm and soft and kind. But alcohol’s far-reaching ability to make Daichi’s judgment lapse was overwhelming. Daichi answered, even though he shouldn’t. 

[09:44 Daichi]: I’ve be.. busyy

[Incoming Call: Kuroo] 

Daichi didn’t answer. He was too tired, not sober enough, and somehow, he managed not to pick up.

[09:47 Kuroo]: Don’t be like that, Dai. Are you drunk?  
[09:47 Daichi]: Whas it ttoo you  
[09:48 Kuroo]: I’m worried about you

Even in his hazy state of mind, Daichi felt disdain well up within him. Kuroo had some nerve to pretend to be worried. 

[09:48 Daichi]: Forget ittt  
[09:49 Kuroo]: I miss you

He typed without thinking. The disdain couldn’t undo years of programming. 

[09:49 Daichi]: Yeah I mess you too  
[09:50 Kuroo]: I can come take care of you, if you need  
[09:50 Daichi]: No  
[09:51 Kuroo]: Then sleep well, love

Daichi didn’t correct Kuroo. He didn’t recoil at being called ‘love.’ It felt good. It felt deceptively safe in its familiarity. Through the foggy haze, Daichi hated the way the pet name eased his ache, shrunk the hole in his chest. Was it a lie? It didn’t feel like a lie.

But Daichi remembered Suga, and he hated himself for answering Kuroo. This was exactly why he didn’t deserve someone like Suga, because he was the same weak Daichi he had always been.

Daichi’s stomach churned, head swimming with confusion. He felt like two parts of himself were pulling at each other, that his heart was collateral damage from the war going on within him. It wasn’t just about Suga or Kuroo. It was about freedom, about fear, about loneliness. These thoughts swirled about and he drank the rest of his water. The sickly pit in his stomach was the last thing Daichi felt before he fell asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry to keep ending the chapters with angst. Daichi really does find something special in Suga, he's just convinced he's not cut out for it. D:


	7. No One Will Love You Like I Do

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dreams, bad Chinese food, backstories, sleepovers.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really just love them so much.

Daichi blinked his eyes, stretched out on his long, soft, queen-sized bed. The blankets were warm and he had his favorite pillow, sleepiness lingering as he yawned. The other side of the bed was empty. It didn’t look like it had been abandoned long, and Daichi reached out to feel the blankets. They were still warm.

_Hmm,_ Daichi thought absently. _He must be up, maybe making breakfast._ The bittersweet smell of fresh coffee floated about him. 

Daichi slipped out of the covers, pulled on the sweatshirt that lay on the floor. He liked these kinds of mornings, where he didn’t have to worry about anything. 

Somewhere, a plate smashed against a wall. Suddenly, Daichi wasn’t in the bedroom anymore. He was at their kitchen table. A plate lay in pieces off to the side. 

“I’m l-looking for work, Kuroo, I’m trying!” Daichi heard himself stammer. He felt cold. 

“Clearly not very hard.” 

“Kuroo,” Daichi pleaded, anxiously wringing out the sleeves of his shirt. Kuroo was staring at him with fire in his eyes. Not a fire that could keep Daichi warm. “You know how many applications I’ve filled out.” 

“I’m just so… worried, Dai,” Kuroo’s voice grew soft. He sounded scared. Daichi could have sworn he saw Kuroo’s eyes water.

“I know,” Daichi raced to reassure, hopping up from the table to pat Kuroo’s shoulders. “I am too, but I’m trying.” 

“You have to try harder, for _us_ , don’t you want us to be happy?” 

“Of course I do!” 

Kuroo reached a hand across the table, covered Daichi’s hand. “Then show me.” 

“I will, I promise,” Daichi always promised. 

“That’s good, Daichi, because no one will love you like I do,” Kuroo said as he leaned over to kiss Daichi, to reassure him, to distract him from the broken plate. 

Then he repeated, “No one will love you like I do,” Kuroo’s voice grew hard. “No one will love you.” 

Daichi flinched himself awake, covered in cold sweat. He felt sick, and although he had a bit more to drink the night before than he was used to, he was sure that had nothing to do with it. 

No one will love you. 

It played like a mantra in his head. The other times Daichi had left, Kuroo had used that. It was something he used to think was affectionate, meaningful. “No one will love you like I do,” because Kuroo loved so deeply, and no one would do that. No one would put up with Daichi’s anxiety or his cooking. 

Suga had put up with his cooking. Suga liked his cooking. 

He reached for his phone, dreading the reality that his judgment lapses were not a part of the dream. Reading his text messages from the night before, Daichi couldn’t shake how nice it had felt to be called “love.” However fleeting, the feeling of importance had cut into him. How could something that would supposed to be good cut so deep? The need to be someone’s person made him weak, helpless, trapped. 

Still sick, he dragged himself from the air mattress and headed for the kitchen. At least he could make himself some coffee. 

+++

He sat on the loveseat, staring at his coffee. Some half-eaten toast lay abandoned on a plate. It was not now the only plate he owned. This offered a small amount of comfort to him. 

A knock sounded on the door. Daichi stood up to answer, trying not to hope that it would be Suga. 

Instead, a mop of orange hair greeted him at eye level. He looked down. 

“Hinata?” 

“Hi, Daichi-san, I was wondering…” 

Daichi’s eyes were drawn to Hinata’s hands, which tightly held a volleyball close to his chest. “You want to toss the volleyball around?” He asked. 

Hinata nodded, eyes round and curious. “If that’s alright.” 

“I can never say no to volleyball,” Daichi said. 

Hinata punched the air. “Yahoo! Kageyama’s gone so I have no one to play with.” 

“Where do you usually play?” 

“There’s the park nearby, it’s only about two blocks away. Have you been there yet?” 

Daichi shook his head. “A side affect of being new to the neighborhood, I guess. Let me grab my shoes and we can go!” 

It really wasn’t far, and Daichi was glad Hinata showed him. They chatted easily on the way; or rather, Hinata chatted and Daichi listened. Although he seemed to babble on and on, Daichi found Hinata easy to listen to. He talked mostly about Kageyama, but also about work - he worked with his best friend Kenma designing video games. Kenma did the computer work, and Hinata helped with animation. He had studied animation in college - but finishing the degree was too expensive, and he could freelance through his connections with Kenma. 

Kageyama, for his part, was a server at a high end restaurant in town. The perks of it being high end meant that the tips were good and generally the customer base was tolerable. 

“I can’t really see Kageyama in service,” Daichi admitted. 

Hinata beamed. “Most people can’t, but he’s actually quite good at it. It might not seem like it, but Kageyama really likes taking care of people.”

Daichi recalled the way Kageyama had offered their extra furniture, and found it easy to believe Hinata.

“Here we are!” 

The park wasn’t big, but it was calming and tranquil. There was plenty of space for Daichi and Hinata to do a little playing. They couldn’t do much with only two of them, but they tossed the volleyball back and forth, bouncing it on their arms, occasionally setting it like a spike. Hinata would spike it hard on the ground every time Daichi did that, and it made Daichi feel appreciated. 

“It’s so cool that you’re a volleyball coach, Daichi-san,” Hinata said brightly after a particularly vicious spike to the ground. 

Daichi smiled as he reached to pick the ball up again. “I do enjoy it.” 

“Is it hard when they lose? As a coach, I mean. I remember when my team lost the Inter-High finals, it was really hard for us, but I never thought about what it would be like for a coach.”

Daichi caught the ball so he could pause to think. 

“It is hard,” he said slowly, turning the volleyball over in his hands, “but I think the hardest part is not the loss, but the responsibility to help everyone move forward.” 

“Hmm,” Hinata shifted back and forth on his feet, clearly itching to get the ball back. Amused, Daichi tossed it to him as he waited for Hinata to reply. 

“So what you’re saying is that the hardest part is teaching everyone to not be too sad?” 

“I wouldn’t say that’s exactly it, it’s more like, how are we going to use this to make us better?” 

“Do you feel that way about other bad things that happen in life?” 

The question struck Daichi as odd, especially coming from Hinata. It hit home and made his heart do a weird twist. It was like the first time they met: Hinata simply said things as they were. Apparently he asked questions that way, too. 

“I don’t know, Hinata,” he said, because he didn’t. “I really don’t know.” 

“Oh, by the way,” Hinata hopped back and forth on his feet nervously, “Kageyama wants you to know that he feels bad for spying on you.” 

Daichi stopped short, barely focusing enough to catch the ball. “Spying on me?” 

Hinata clapped a hand over his mouth. “Uhhhhhh.” 

Daichi tipped his head, dumbstruck. 

“I think I was supposed to apologize to Suga-san!” 

“Who had Kageyama spying?” 

Hinata shook his head vigorously, waving his hands in every direction. Daichi sighed. “One of Suga’s friends, no doubt.” 

He had a pretty good idea which friend it was. It only took meeting Oikawa Tooru once for Daichi to know that he was trouble. It was a good kind of trouble, though. 

“Can I ask you a question, Hinata?” Daichi asked as they headed back to the apartment building. 

“Sure.” 

“Is Kageyama nice to you?” 

“Hmm,” Hinata didn’t seem offended by this at all, which was a good start. Daichi had been afraid to ask, but it was eating away at him. “People think Kageyama is mean, which I can understand. He’s bad with people and bad at talking.” Hinata looked up towards the afternoon sky, clouds rolling by lazily. “How can I explain it? Kageyama is a real person. There isn’t anything fake about him. Even if he seems mean, it’s only because he feels things all at once.”

Hinata looked Daichi straight in the eye. “He loves me, takes care of me, and would never, ever hurt me.” 

Daichi felt chilled, an icey shock running through him. It’s not that he thought relationships like this didn’t exist, he had just not heard something so strong. The way Hinata said it without hesitation or fear. 

Daichi wondered if he could ever be so fearless. If he could ever be loved and still be fearless. 

+++

After volleyball with Hinata, Daichi took a shower, and tried to read on his couch. Instead, he stewed in his thoughts longer than he cared to admit. He didn’t eat lunch, opting for staring at the ceiling. He drifted in and out, wondering if he was actually falling asleep or just floating away from himself. It couldn’t be a good sign, he knew. 

By the time dusk started to roll around, Daichi managed to drag himself off the couch. Lightheaded, he knew he should eat. At a loss for what to do, he managed to pull up an order form for Chinese delivery on his phone. Sure, it was what he and Kuroo always ordered when they didn’t know what to do, but old habits were hard to break, and Daichi was fairly certain that he wouldn’t eat if he didn’t eat this. 

The best thing about the place was how fast they delivered things. Before he knew it, Daichi had three huge, steaming entrees of disgustingly greasy Chinese food. Even the memory of Kuroo eating with him couldn’t detract from how delicious it smelled. 

For the second time that day, Daichi’s thoughts were interrupted by a rap on the door. It was probably better this way, that his brooding and self-pity party be crashed by someone - anyone, really. Daichi knew he was a mess. 

He opened the door, and like some weird saving grace, Suga was there. Daichi didn’t know how he did it, but Suga managed to have an aura around him that put Daichi at ease almost immediately. He shut the door on the room inside his heart labelled “Kuroo” when Suga was around. 

“Hi,” was all Daichi could manage. The beauty mark was calling him again, reminding him of the soft cheek kiss from only days ago. 

“I don’t mean to impose,” Suga said with a sideways grin. He didn’t look very sincere, with his sparkling hazel eyes and the excitement in his voice. 

“Please,” Daichi widened the door, “do impose. I like it when you impose.” 

“Oh good,” Suga skipped into Daichi’s apartment. 

“I have dinner,” Daichi said as he closed the door, motioning to the coffee table. “It’s nothing fancy, just some Chinese take-out, but I ordered too much, so please-” 

“I’m of the opinion that there is nothing that a good awful Chinese dinner can’t cure,” Suga said, as though he sensed Daichi’s lethargy. Daichi wondered where Suga learned to be so perceptive. 

Daichi laughed half-heartedly. “That’s what I’m hoping for, anyway.” 

“Do you want to tell me about it?” As Suga asked, Daichi realized he shouldn’t have said anything about how he was feeling. 

“Not really,” Daichi said truthfully. He didn’t think he could talk about it. Especially because it was about texting Kuroo late last night after holding Suga’s hand and sleeping on his shoulder.

“Is it alright if I just grab a plate?” 

“Of course,” Daichi trailed behind Suga as he bounced, excited, towards Daichi’s kitchen. “They shouldn’t be hard to find, being that there isn’t much here.” 

Suga turned to smile. “You’re too kind.” Grabbing a fork, he sat on the loveseat, adding three heaping piles from each entree onto his plate. “This looks awesome.” 

“It is.” 

Daichi pretended not to notice when Suga scooted closer on the loveseat, so their shoulders and elbows were bumping as they ate. His heart twisted as he realized this was the first time he had ever eaten this food with someone besides Kuroo. He didn’t know if he was happy or sad about this. 

After they were done eating, they both relaxed onto the cushions of the couch, sighing in unison. 

“That was awful,” Suga said, rubbing his stomach. 

“But so good,” Daichi finished for him. He hardly realized it as it happened, but their fingers were tangled together again, loose but comfortable. Daichi found himself turning to look at Suga. 

Before he knew what he was doing, he reached for Suga’s cheek with his free hand, cupping it softly and pulling him closer. 

“Suga, I…” 

“What is it?” Suga whispered, gentle, turning himself to meet Daichi’s eyes. 

“I want to kiss you, but I’m…”

“Unsure?” 

“It hasn’t been long since-” 

“I know,” Suga reached up to cover Daichi’s hand on his cheek, tilting his head into the touch. “It’s okay.” 

“I’m confused.” And scared, he almost added.

“That’s okay.” 

“I still want to kiss you.” 

Suga smiled, softly. “Then kiss me.” 

Daichi threaded one hand through Suga’s soft hair as their lips met. Suga let out a small sigh, and Daichi was done for. Suga was warm and gentle and tasted like bad Chinese food and Daichi loved every bit of it. Suga kissed with the sincerity Daichi first saw in his smile, like he wanted nothing more than to be here with Daichi. 

When Suga wrapped his arms around him, Daichi didn’t flinch or pull away. He kissed harder, too needy, too desperate. Like Suga was his way out, a lighthouse in the storm that had always been his life: Suga’s lips were soft, like his voice, his noises, his arms as they wrapped themselves around Daichi’s neck so he could pull Daichi’s face close. They pressed into the cushions of the too-small loveseat, pushed together by both gravity and desire. 

Daichi obliged Suga’s embrace happily, cradling Suga’s cheek, tugging gently (he hoped) at Suga’s longish hair. Tongues met - only briefly - but enough that Daichi felt fire inside him, somewhere in his heart and a little lower on his body, and that’s when he decided to pull back. Before, you know, things got out of hand. (Things were already quite out of hand, if he stopped to think about it. Which he didn’t.) 

Daichi was breathing embarrassingly heavy. Suga was grinning. 

“What?” Daichi felt himself pout, trying not to slow his accelerated heartbeat. 

“I thought you would be a good kisser.” 

Daichi didn’t think it was possible get any redder than he already was, but he did. All the blood in his entire body collected in his cheeks to give him the deepest blush of his life. 

Suga giggled, sincere as a handwritten letter. His eyes crinkled at the corners, never losing their sparkle. Daichi was probably staring. He was too embarrassed to spare any thought caring about that, though. He looked at the darkening sky and realized he couldn't let Suga leave this time. 

“I would invite you to stay but,” Daichi’s mouth went dry. Never in a thousand years would he have imagined that this situation would come about.

“But what?” Suga looked concerned, tilting his head to one side as he reached for Daichi’s hand. 

“I, um,” he almost couldn’t say it, but felt urged on as Suga interlaced their fingers, squeezing their hands together. “I only have an air mattress.” 

Silence hung between for only a second, but it felt like an eternity to Daichi. How stupid. He must seem so pathetic. Suga already knew how lonely and sad Daichi was, and now he knew how poor Daichi was, too. 

Suga’s chiming laughter broke the revelry. “This loveseat is pretty comfortable.” He shifted around to rest laying on top of Daichi. It wasn’t uncomfortable at all. 

“Isn’t it too small?” 

Suga considered this, biting his lip so adorably Daichi was sure he was going to disintegrate. “It is a bit small. You’re so big and strong, I don’t know _how_ we could _ever_ manage to fit.” 

The tease was enough to make Daichi’s blood pressure skyrocket beyond repair. 

“If we go over to your place,” he managed, trying to distract himself from the embarrassment, “your little friend might spy on us again.” 

Suga flushed, and Daichi felt a bit vindicated. At least he wasn’t the only one. “How on earth did you know about that?” 

“Hinata was supposed to apologize to you, but he apologized to me instead.” 

Suga rolled his eyes. “That sounds just like him. Anyway, I don’t care who sees.” 

Daichi stopped short. He almost asked Suga why he wouldn’t care for people to see him. To see Suga with him. There was nothing special about Daichi, after all. 

Kuroo had always either paraded Daichi around like a trophy or hid him away in their apartment. Daichi was either an accessory or an embarrassment, and he truly felt like both of those things. 

Suga seemed to notice the tension within Daichi, and surprised him by leaning in for another kiss. Daichi responded, letting everything melt away. 

“Come on,” Suga whispered. “Let’s go.” 

+++

Daichi hadn’t been wrong. Mere moments after retreating into Suga’s apartment, better furnished and more equipped for two people to sleep, he received a text message. 

[09:45 Tooru]: “Koooooou-chan, get some!” 

Suga almost tossed his phone out the window.

[09:45 Suga]: You are so creepy. You’re making Kageyama creepy. Stop this.  
[09:45 Tooru]: Don’t pay attention to me, go make out with your man!  
[09:46 Suga]: Tooru I swear to god  
[09:46 Tooru]: <333333

He didn’t toss his phone out the window, but he did turn it off. All the way off. 

Sighing, he turned back to Daichi. 

“Is everything alright?” 

Suga’s chest suddenly felt very tight. “Yes!” He managed quickly. “Everything is excellent!” _Wow, Suga, now is the perfect time to turn into a flustered twelve-year-old._ “Oikawa just needed something, but it can wait until tomorrow!” He laughed nervously. 

Daichi simply looked at him quizzically. 

Searching blindly for another topic of conversation, Suga settled on: “I have some cookies, if you want.” 

“You do love dessert, don’t you?” 

Suga put his hands on his hips, eyeing Daichi playfully, suddenly feeling much more in his comfort zone. “We all have our vices, Daichi.” 

Suga liked the awkward way Daichi shuffled on his feet when he didn’t know what to say. “I’ll even share my cookies with you,” he supplied when Daichi said nothing. 

Poor Daichi, Suga thought. He had been so confident as they kissed, it was almost like Suga got a window into who Daichi could be. Not the kissing and intimacy - of course that was lovely (more than lovely) - but the strong, unafraid touching, the person who reached out and asked for what he needed. As he mulled over the confidence he was glad to see, if only for a moment, in Daichi, a memory flashed through Suga’s mind, sharp as an arrow but fleeting as a summer storm. 

_“Koushi,” Oikawa’s voice was firm, almost harsh. “We need to go.”_

Why now? Suga thought as the image enveloped him. Daichi was standing here with him. Nothing was wrong. But here it was again. 

_Suga clutched a tattered suitcase against his chest. “I don’t think I can do this.” The autumn air was cool outside of the house, and his entire body ached like a bad joint when a storm is brewing on the horizon._

_“Maybe he won’t hurt me anymore,” Suga said desperately, knowing as he said it he knew it was an excuse._

_Oikawa reached up to brush his fingers, soft as a spring breeze, over Suga’s fading black eye. It was a simple gesture, his words were kind but his eyes were sharp._

_“You know he will. Again and again and again.”_

_Suga choked back a sob. Said nothing._

_“Come on,” Oikawa motioned to his car in Suga’s driveway. “We need to leave.”_

_“I-”_

_“Now, Koushi.”_

_Suga let the tears fall down his cheeks, flowing like waters breaking through a dam. But still he followed his friend, away from the one who was supposed to love him the most._

_As they sped away, probably quicker than was necessary, Suga whispered - loud enough for Oikawa to hear - “Goodbye, dad.”_

“Suga?” Daichi’s baritone voice was deep and concerned, and Suga snapped back into reality. 

“Ah, sorry,” Suga ran a hand through his hair, tried to smile. 

“Are you okay?” 

“It was nothing,” Suga said too quickly. Maybe it would be true if he said it more often. Maybe someday it would be nothing. 

But now, it was everything. 

“You don’t look very well,” Daichi’s deep brown eyes were pools of warmth that Suga hoped he could get lost in one day. “Let’s sit down.” Daichi touched Suga’s shoulder lightly, guiding him towards the couch. 

Suga hated how Daichi was suddenly caring for Suga in his own home. Suga was supposed to be here to help Daichi, yet here they were with their roles reversed, Suga unable to be the one thing he promised to be: a friend. 

But as they sat on the couch, knees brushing, Daichi’s calloused hands withdrawn from his shoulder, Suga began to breathe easier. He only hoped he could keep his surges of memory buried well enough. 

Suga couldn’t stand Daichi’s hands being away, so he linked their fingers, smiling, this time sincerely. 

“You’re stronger than you think,” Suga said without thinking. 

Daichi’s eyes went wide before pink tinged his cheeks again. 

“I’m sorry,” Suga said, “I’m overstepping again-”

Daichi squeezed Suga’s hands. “Stop saying that. You’re not overstepping.” He smiled wanly. “And I’m not strong. But thank you.” 

Suga knew better than to correct Daichi, as much as he wanted to say the truth again. He meant it. He knew Daichi was bigger than the things that he had gone through. 

He wondered if he was pushing Daichi too much, too fast. Guilt tugged at his chest as Daichi ran a thumb over Suga’s fingers. It was electric but also so natural. Suga thought he must be selfish, to take advantage of Daichi like this, when he was vulnerable. 

“It hasn’t been long,” Daichi whispered, repeating what he had said before they kissed. 

Envy lodged itself in Suga’s heart next to the guilt, all of it masked by the excitement - but ever present. Of course, Suga shouldn’t bother pretending he could be something for Daichi. Whatever Daichi was escaping would take years - if he managed to break free. 

Suga had Oikawa, when he escaped his father. Otherwise, he wouldn’t have been able to do it. 

Daichi didn’t have anyone like that. 

It couldn’t be Suga, of course. That would be unfair. It would set expectations that Daichi didn’t need. 

“I know,” Suga answered, leaning forward to give Daichi a chaste kiss on the cheek. “Is that alright?” 

Daichi nodded. Of course he would. Suga kicked himself. All Daichi knew was saying yes. Of that much Suga was sure. 

Just as he started descending into brooding, Daichi interrupted Suga’s thoughts with a very loud yawn. It had to have lasted at least five full seconds. 

“Sorry,” Daichi said with a sheepish grin. 

“You sound sleepy,” Suga poked him, unable to resist touching Daichi as often as possible. No matter how many times he would get to do this, he would never tire of it. He couldn’t shake the feeling that this was only temporary, that he was a passing shadow in Daichi’s life, but he would never fault Daichi for that. 

He would try to enjoy the ride, grateful for the time he did have. 

+++

As they made their way into Suga’s bedroom, Daichi began to quiver nervously. He wished he wasn’t so obvious in his discomfort, but he couldn’t help it. 

“S-so,” he had better just get it out there and over with, “I’m not really ready for-”

“Me neither,” Suga interrupted him, a soft glow appearing on his cheeks. 

Daichi relaxed. 

“Come on, then,” Suga tilted his head towards his bed, pulling Daichi’s hand toward it. They stripped off their bottom layers but left their shirts on. 

They curled up under the blankets, Daichi pressed against Suga’s chest. 

“You’re warm,” he felt himself getting sleepier with every passing second, and he couldn’t help himself but say it. 

He felt Suga smile. “You should sleep.” 

“Mmm,” Daichi hummed. “Suga?” He said softly.

“What is it?” Suga brushed a hand through Daichi’s short hair. Daichi would have shivered, but he was too warm. He didn’t need to shiver at the touch.

“Why did you knock on my door tonight?” 

Suga didn’t answer for a long moment. Daichi felt him shrug. He could picture what the shrug looked like. “It was just a hunch.” 

“A hunch,” Daichi repeated sleepily, unsure exactly what this meant. Before he could ask anything else, for the second time, Daichi fell asleep on Suga. As he slept, he did not dream.


	8. There Is a Part of You I Just Cannot Reach (you don't have to let me in)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I know that you're hiding  
> I know there's a part of you that I just cannot reach  
> you don't have to let me in  
> just know that I'm still here  
> I'm ready for you whenever, whenever you need  
> whenever you want to begin." 
> 
> ~Hiding, Florence + The Machine

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> FUCK ME I HAVEN'T UPDATED SINCE AUGUST WHAT THE FUCK. okay tbh, this story is super important to me, and i'm really blocked. this is a short chapter and i haven't decided quite where i'm going next, but i decided that in order to move forward, i needed to post what i have. so hERE IT IS LADIES AND GENTS
> 
> ps my tumblr is kageyamas-mom

Daichi blinked slowly, eyes adjusting to the morning light. 

“Good morning, sleepyhead,” a soft voice trickled in his ear. 

Daichi looked up and the first thing he noticed was the beauty mark. The second thing he noticed was the pair of hazel eyes he was finding solace in, looking down at him. Suga wasn’t touching him, was lying close to him not to touch but to radiate warmth. 

“Morning,” Daichi managed. He was decidedly not a morning person. The coaching life had kept his schedule from hardly ever involving early mornings. 

“What’s on the schedule for today, coach?” Suga nudged him and Daichi’s stomach flipped. 

“Like almost every other day of summer, absolutely nothing,” Daichi said dejectedly, although the lingering contact of Suga’s hand on him made it hard for him to feel all that dejected. “I hate working for the school district.” 

“Ah, it’s hard with long seasons off, isn’t it?” 

“They want me to write up plays and plans, but half of both of my teams are freshmen whom I have never seen play before!” 

“You’re pouting,” Suga said simply. 

This only caused Daichi to scowl a little more. 

“You’re cute when you’re pouting,” Suga reached a finger out and poked Daichi’s cheek playfully. It felt good to be touched easily like this. It felt good not to be afraid of it. 

As Daichi wiped the sleep from his eyes, he took in the sight of Suga in the morning. Or, he tried to take it in, but it was too overwhelming for his tired brain to fully comprehend. The way his soft hair was rumpled all over, his stubborn cowlick still remaining upright as ever. 

Suga pushed himself up from the bed. “Take your time getting up, Daichi. I’ll make some coffee, for whenever you’re ready.” 

Whenever you're ready. No pressure. No expectations. No precedents. He leaned back, snuggled into the covers for just a minute more, taking in the last of Suga’s warmth from that side of the bed. 

When Daichi did tumble out of bed, pulling on his rumpled shirt and his comfortable pants - to think he hadn’t been worried about going to Suga’s in sweatpants - he breathed a little sigh of relief. 

“I made some eggs and toast, it’s nothing special,” Suga said as Daichi padded into his kitchen, and Daichi took a bar stool, resting his head on his hands and humming. 

“Coffee?” Suga held the coffee pot up 

“Yeah,” Daichi answered quietly. Suga set a mug down before reaching over to pour it for him. Daichi put his hands around the mug. 

[ 9:31 Kuroo ] We never did get a chance to finish that conversation from the other night, Dai. 

It was as though, even from afar, he could read exactly when the worst time to send the message would be. Daichi saw Suga’s eyes glance over the screen, how his face fell just a tiny bit. 

“Any thoughts about what you'll do instead?” Suga asked, bright and cheerful as ever, yet as Daichi looked at him he could read the subtle betrayal catching in Suga’s throat. 

He needed to say something - to do something to show Suga...

His phone chose that precise moment to ring. Daichi flinched, terror enveloping him for a fleeting moment, but the caller ID showed someone he was always glad to hear from, and his shoulders relaxed ever so slightly as he answered.

[ Incoming call: Yuuki Asuna ]

+++

“Asuna-san? Yes, of course,” Suga watched as Daichi ran a nervous hand through his short hair. He hadn’t missed any of it: the message from Kuroo, the fear in Daichi’s stiff frame at the ring of the phone. 

“No, I don’t mind moving the session at all. Is everything alright?” As Daichi fidgeted with his shirt nervously, Suga found himself holding a breath, worrying about whatever was going on, despite not knowing any of it. 

“Alright, I’m glad. Of course. Any day I get to see Yui-chan is a day I am happy about. I can be there in about half an hour.” Daichi looked like he was about to hang up. “Oh, and Asuna-san? I’m more than willing to extend the practice session if you need longer for whatever business caused the move, no extra charge. Please, I insist, if it will help. See you in half an hour, Asuna-san.” 

As Daichi hung up his phone, Suga quickly turned back to his food, embarrassed for overhearing. 

“One of my private lessons needed to be moved short notice,” Daichi said, regret etched into the lines of his face. “Sorry I can’t stay longer.” 

Daichi’s apologetic face ignited some kind of pain inside of Suga, the same guilt he had felt the night before. 

“There’s no need to apologize,” Suga answered, attempting to keep his voice light and airy. “Go on, coach. Weren’t you just complaining about how bored you are?” 

“It is nice to have something to do,” Daichi conceded with a little smile tugging at the corner of his lips. 

“Go on then,” Suga practically shoved him out the door, enjoying the brief touches he was allowed, not touches that were meant to last. He hadn’t meant to look at Daichi’s phone. How controlling or prying or something. Whatever it was, it was wrong of him. And it was doubly wrong of him to be so upset about it. 

As soon as the door was shut behind Daichi, Suga turned around a collapsed heavily on the bar stool Daichi had been sitting on. He exhaled slowly, trying not to get too caught up in his swirling thoughts. Focus on one thing around you if you start to feel overwhelmed, the therapist had suggested. He picked his coffee cup, sitting there on the table, and counted his breaths. 

But even once he had calmed himself, Suga continued to stare at his coffee a little too hard. The guilt he had felt around Daichi was only growing. It had been a long time since he heard that degrading voice inside of him, but it was back, eating away at him. 

That’s right, Suga thought, all I can do is hurt people. I’m going to hurt Daichi, too. 

Suga wanted to give Daichi time and space, he really did. Isn’t that what Daichi needed? Space to grow into himself and heal? Suga would mar and misshape that process if he kept inserting himself unnecessarily.

Daichi didn’t know anything except fear. He was probably afraid of disappointing Suga. Exactly why Suga should stay away from him. 

He put his head in his hands, leaning his elbows on the counter where he sat on his stool. He felt himself kicking at the wall. What strange timing that his phone would ring exactly when he was at the moment of deep brooding.

[ Incoming call: Oikawa Tooru ]

“If you want to tell me something Kageyama saw from his apartment regarding me, you can shove it right up-” 

“Kou-chan, I was just wondering if I could come over,” although he was interrupting Suga (typical), Oikawa sounded sincere over the phone.

“Oh,” Suga said. Maybe he did need some company. “Surely you have something better to do.” 

“No way,” Oikawa chirped. “Nothing better to do than bother my best friend. It’s my favorite activity, next to bothering Iwa-chan.” 

“Alright, alright. I have coffee, too. You’re going to need to bring your own creamer though.” 

“Pfft, Kou-chan, who do you think I am? I know you’re out of my favorite French Vanilla delicious-” 

“It’s just coffeemate. It’s fake and disgusting and you know it.” 

“There’s no need to judge, Kou-chan. I’ll be over in twenty minutes.” 

Suga leaned back, and couldn’t help but think about the message he had seen flash across the screen of Daichi’s phone again. He felt sick, he really did. He shouldn’t pry, he shouldn’t stick his nose where it didn’t belong. If Daichi went back, Suga had no place telling him differently. How many times had Suga almost gone back, only barely managed not to by the insistent tug of Tooru?

“I don’t even need to ask to see that you’re overthinking things,” Oikawa said brightly as he entered the room without knocking. 

“So you did come here to interrogate and/or lecture me?” Suga huffed, crossing his arms over his chest. “Coffee’s in the kitchen,” he added as disdainfully as he could manage. 

“Please,” Oikawa's tone was condescending as he moved to the kitchen, although his demeanor was calm and comfortable, betraying his kindness. Suga could hear the faint, refreshing sound of fresh coffee being poured into a mug. It calmed him. “We both know that I’m right. Let’s sit on the couch.” 

Suga didn’t reply, although he did follow instructions and drag himself halfheartedly to the couch. Maybe Oikawa was right, but it didn’t matter. Suga needed to look out for Daichi. 

“I don’t want to swoop in when he’s vulnerable,” Suga finally said. Oikawa took his usual place next to Suga on the couch, morning sunlight seeping through the window of the living room, mockingly bright and cheerful.

Oikawa’s features softened, his not-too-elusive kindness peeking out beneath his disaffected veneer. He blew over his coffee to cool it down before saying softly, “Oh, Kou-chan, you’re too good.” 

Suga didn’t want to hear it. He bit his lip. 

“Dai-chan needs someone right now,” Oikawa continued.

“I don’t want to set up expectations.” 

“You kissed, didn’t you?” 

Suga’s head snapped up. “W-what?!” He spluttered. Now was not the time. 

“I knew it,” Oikawa grinned triumphantly, completely unruffled by the hasty change in conversation topics. 

Suga crossed his arms over his chest again, turning his nose up. “See? Expectations. I don’t want him to think that it has to be like that. I was just supposed to be his friend.” 

“You are his friend, Kou-chan.” 

“It’s not fair to him, because I want to be more than that.” 

“You deserve some happiness too, you know.” 

Suga glared. 

“You made him coffee and let him leave when he needed to, without asking him to stay. I hardly think that counts as setting up expectations.” 

Suga stopped glaring and looked towards the ceiling. “I just don’t want to turn into… him, you know?” 

Oikawa gently laid a hand on Suga’s thigh, rubbing circles with his thumb. “Into your dad?” 

Suga nodded. 

“Kou-chan, that’s something you never have to worry about.” 

“I remembered that night when Daichi was over.” 

Oikawa let silence hang between them. This was not the first time Suga had brought it up, but it had been a while. 

“I don’t know what made me think of it,” Suga said slowly, “maybe seeing how afraid of everything Daichi can be, even though he is probably the strongest person I’ve ever met.” 

_“All you do hurt people. Why do you think your mother left us in the first place?”_

_“I…”_

_“You know it’s because of you,” his father didn’t raise his voice. He didn’t need to. “Don’t you?”_

_“Yes.”_

_“Yes, what?”_

_“Yes, sir,” Suga said in a small voice, hands wringing behind his back, gaze fixed on the ugly linoleum floor. He started to count the squares, making patterns of them with his imagination to distance himself from reality._

“All I do is hurt people,” Suga whispered. 

Oikawa took his hand from Suga’s thigh and wrapped it around Suga’s shoulder.

“No, Koushi. You don’t hurt people.” Oikawa carded his fingers through Suga’s hair, and before he knew it, tears were rolling down Suga’s cheeks, silent but steady. 

He appreciated Oikawa’s reassurance, but Suga knew. He would hurt Daichi if he overstayed his welcome. He ought not to darken Daichi’s doorstep for too long. 

+++

It was shaping up to be one of her best practices yet. Daichi felt pride swell in his throat as they practiced sets and even receives. 

“Sawamura-san! I can do it! Can we practice sets more now, pleeeeease?” They had been doing receives for five solid minutes, and Daichi was definitely starting to feel a little bad. Yui loved setting so much, her dark eyes were sparkling so full of excitement. Her long, black ponytail was soft in the morning light. 

“Alright, Yui-chan, we can do some sets.” 

“Will you spike them for me?” She jumped up and down a tiny bit, and Daichi’s heart swelled. This was a space he felt like himself. It was comfortable. 

He tossed the ball her way and she widened her stance, instinctive and quick, fingers poised in excellent form. This girl was going places.

And just like that, the ball was perfectly near his fingertips as he jumped. He let himself spike it to the empty side of the court with a little more force than was strictly necessary.

“Sawamua-san, nice kill!” Yui punched the air as she jumped up and down. 

“Oi, Daichi-san!” A somewhat familiar voice sounded through the air. Daichi looked around for the source of the sound. 

On the other side of the chain link fence surrounding the volleyball court stood Kageyama, dressed in a black button up and black slacks. An apron was folded in his hand. 

“Kageyama?” 

Kageyama scratched the back of his neck. “I j-just wanted to say,” he turned away from Daichi and towards Yui, “that your tosses are amazing and you are a talent setter!” 

Kageyama bowed stiffly and with that promptly turned on his heel and headed off with quick, jerky steps. 

“Kageyama!” Daichi called after him. He was continually surprised by this neighbor of his. “You should come play with us!” 

Kageyama looked back and smiled sheepishly. The smile suited him, Daichi thought. “I'm on my way to work. Maybe next time.”

Yui jumped up. “Thank you, onee-chan!”

Kageyama turned pink before turning around to bow awkwardly again. “Ossu!” 

“Sawamura-san,” Yui turned her face up towards Daichi, a pleased flush gracing her tiny cheeks. “Is that your friend?”

Daichi reached down to ruffle her hair. “Yeah, Yui-chan, I think so. He's a very talented setter, I’ve heard, so that was a high compliment!”

Yui clapped her hands together, beaming. “It's only because you taught me, Sawamura-san.”

“In that case,” Daichi winked, “maybe we should get back to those receives?” 

“WHAAAAA?” Yui shrieked. 

Daichi had to cover his ears. “J-just kidding,” he said weakly with a wave. Sets it is!” 

Asuna returned not long after, smile on her face despite the tiredness that seemed to always hide in her eyes. 

+++

Suga didn't answer his messages quickly, the way Daichi had become accustomed to. Not like Daichi could blame him, he thought as he kicked himself. 

Kissing, sleeping in the same bed, then an obvious sign that he was still talking to his abusive, piece-of-shit (who-still-sort-of-owned-his-heart) ex-boyfriend. Daichi figured he would be distant, too if he were Suga. 

Daichi tried to think if anything he could to distract himself. He looked over the volleyball roster, made plays based on kids he already knew. He arranged and re-arranged the furniture. He made toast for dinner, refrigerator scant again but for leftovers of what he had cooked Suga, and he couldn't bring himself to warm it up. He didn't eat the toast. 

Eventually he was laying on the floor, staring at the ceiling. He had a loveseat now, so the floor wasn't necessary, but it was how he felt. 

If Suga never answered him, it would probably be better that way. Daichi might survive on his own in the apartment with the plant. Suga wouldn't be beholden to Daichi’s baggage, his stupid, fragile heart. 

He wanted to be held. Daichi wanted someone to tell him it was going to be okay. 

Nothing was okay. 

[09:21 Daichi]: I really enjoyed this morning, sorry I had to rush out of there  
[09:45 Daichi]: I’m sorry  
[09:50 Suga]: No, I’m sorry

Daichi felt something ease in his chest. 

[09:51 Daichi]: For what?  
[09:51 Suga]: For prying  
[09:52 Daichi]: You weren’t prying  
[09:52 Daichi]: I don’t want to go back to him, you know  
[09:53 Suga]: You don’t have to explain it to me, Daichi  
[09:53 Suga]: But try and hold out, okay? It will… get better 

Daichi felt tears well in his eyes. 

[09:54 Daichi]: How do you know?  
[09:54 Suga]: I just know  
[09:55 Suga]: Dinner tomorrow?

Daichi smiled at his phone, a tear leaking down his cheek. 

[09:55 Daichi]: Dinner sounds nice  
[09:55 Daichi]: Goodnight, Suga  
[09:56 Suga]: Goodnight, Daichi


	9. and where is home? somewhere i can't be

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Daichi looks for a new job. People are on his side, but he isn't free of his memories yet.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I LIVE. I LIVE AND I LOVE DAICHI AND I HAVE RETURNED TO GIVE HIM TO YOU 
> 
> but seriously, i am The Actual Worst. if you have chosen to stick with me, i am ETERNALLY GRATEFUL. i'll write you a haiku or something. anything u want, im here for u. scream at me at kageyamas-mom on tumblr. 
> 
> and honorable mention to daichi 4 dealing with me projecting literally everything onto u, u r a trooper of a favorite character 
> 
> { we'll get more on suga next chapter, promise } { i found the plot guys, i did it } { look i have brought both ukai and soon takeda into this mess and my ukatake impulses are begging me to free them i didn't plan for this but here we are }

Daichi was starting to wonder if he was really insane. 

He was sitting on the ground, working at his coffee table as though it were a desk, sweating both because of the summer heat and the newfound panic when he realized how quickly his savings was going to run out. 

He remembered being surprised when he got approved for the apartment about a month ago. 

Daichi wasn’t sure when it had started. Not the mistreatment, the seeds of that were sewn from the beginning and easy enough for Daichi to see - he wasn’t sure when he had really started trying to gather the strength to leave. 

He had left before - there was a motel a few blocks away from their (he turned the word over on his tongue, even if he hadn’t spoken it aloud) apartment, one of those drafty places with peeling wallpaper and a certain amount of charm if you’re there with the right person, but Daichi never was. He was never there with a person. 

Three times he had left. Three times he had stayed at that shady motel. Three times Kuroo had found him - tear-stricken and repentant, full of apologies and assurances and _this time it will be different._

Three times Daichi believed him, and went back home. Could he call it home now? 

It felt like losing the only thing he’d ever known. He couldn’t remember what life was like before that messy mop of hair had waltzed into his life, full of vivacious ambition and promises of a simple kind of grandeur. Daichi hadn’t wanted much - didn’t mind walking alongside someone so bright and charming. He was happy to let Kuroo drink in the limelight, as long as they were together. 

But the ambition turned from bright to sour, the grandeur became requirements that could never be matched - a kind of perfection that shouldn’t be expected from anyone. 

Daichi wondered where he had drawn the line - since certainly at some point in the last three months, he had started distancing himself. Started pinching pennies; opened a savings account at a bank near school. He told no one, not that he had anyone to tell. Maybe that was part of it. The slow, soul-sucking realization that he was so, incredibly lonely. Like he was on an island. If you had asked him, years ago, if he would be okay living on an island, with just him and Kuroo, Daichi would have laughed and said yes, yes, a million times over.

When he applied for the apartment, Daichi almost wanted them to turn him down. He could clean up another broken dish, ignore another backhanded compliment, at least it was what he knew. He knew how to do this: how to subsist, pretending that you aren’t drowning. Kuroo never lost that vivacity. 

But in the middle of a workday, he had received a call. 

“I’m happy to report, Sawamura-san,” the kind man said over the phone, “that your credit check and monthly income qualify you for the opening we have in the building. Congratulations! I think you’ll like it here.” 

Daichi had spent the rest of that day walking about in a daze. Against every instinct in him, he wrote a check for the deposit and placed it inside an envelope. As he laid the stamp in the corner it felt like something permanent, something there was no going back from - cement being laid or the signing of will. He put it in the mailbox outside of the high school. At volleyball practice, he must have given them drills to do, because the students were moving up and down the court and he was saying nothing. 

That night, Kuroo was as sweet as could be, and Daichi let the apartment melt into the back of his mind. Let Kuroo refill his small glass of whiskey over and over and let his protests of “I really think I’ve had enough” melt beneath Kuroo’s “another, you’re so pretty when you’re drunk, Dai…”

It was as it always was. There was nothing glamorous about the way Kuroo always made sure Daichi actually said yes, when every fiber in Daichi’s being was screaming, no, I’m tired, Kuroo, I don’t want to - but he said yes, every time. When Kuroo kissed his neck and started taking off his clothes, Daichi said yes when he meant no. 

How could it be wrong if Daichi never actually said no?

He woke the next morning with a hangover he didn’t ask for and a pain in his gut that made him feel sick, used. It wasn’t the first time, but could it be the last? Daichi hadn’t known. Kuroo would be gone most of the day, getting things ready for the internship he had lined up for the summer - it was going to be a paid internship, nothing Daichi could ever dream of. 

Daichi decided to go to the apartment complex, to take another look at the apartment. 

“It’s nice,” he said to Ukai, the friendly landlord who seemed to have been born with a cigarette hanging out of his mouth. 

“Well, it’s yours. Are you wanting to move in before the first of the month?” 

“I need a little time to, um, get things ready. But I may need in rather suddenly, is that okay?” 

Ukai raised an eyebrow. “Listen kid,” he said with a lazy sort of kindness, “I’m not much of a sound sleeper, so no matter what time of day or night you’re ready to get into it, I’ll be here to unlock it and hand over the key.” With that, Ukai handed over a phone number on the back of a receipt, an action so ordinary and yet so full of solace for Daichi. 

Daichi wondered if Ukai could tell, if the storm inside of him was that easy to see. 

“Thank you,” Daichi said, bowing awkwardly. He took another look inside the apartment from the doorway. The paint was so new, not stained with anything, like a stray mark from a careless cook or the remnants of angry, demeaning words bouncing off of them. 

+++

Staring at the ceiling, the white paint seeming much less like an escape than it did the first time he looked at the place. 

“Maybe it’s time for a second job,” he said to the plant. “Somewhere Kuroo doesn’t go.” 

An idea struck him. Was it yesterday that Kageyama flagged him down on his way to work? Dressed in his black button-up shirt and slacks, he had looked so content and purposeful as he walked to the restaurant. Whatever Kageyama’s motivation for waiting tables (perhaps to take care of Hinata?), he seemed content. 

Could Daichi really be reaching out to someone who reminds him of Kuroo? 

He shook his head as if to rid himself of the intrusive question, and pulled out his phone. 

[10:41 Daichi]: Hey Suga  
[10:41 Suga]: Hey Daichi ;)  
[10:42 Daichi]: Do you have Kageyama’s phone number? 

Did Daichi really need to ask Suga for it? 

No. He didn’t. 

Did Daichi want an excuse to text Suga? 

Yes. Absolutely. 

[10:42 Suga]: He’s a taken man, Daichi  
[10:43 Suga]: And a little young for you, don’t you think?  
[10:43 Daichi]: I think you’ve got the wrong idea  
[10:43 Suga]: Don’t go being so embarrassed, I’m only kidding, here: 

[ Sugawara Koushi shared contact details ] 

[10:44 Daichi]: Thanks  
[10:44 Suga]: No smiley face, no winkey face, no emojis? You really ARE too old for Kageyama  
[10:45 Daichi]: >:O  
[10:45 Suga]: Ah, much better. What did you need it for anyway?

Daichi can’t ignore the fact that he’s grinning and maybe, just maybe he’s blushing a little bit. He likes this easy chatter, the easy talking. It makes him feel a little lighter. 

[10:46 Daichi]: I need another job. I’m going broke  
[10:46 Suga]: Ah yes, the good ol’ single life  
[10:47 Suga]: I actually think Kageyama did mention that they were looking for some more servers. Give it a shot! :D 

Suga was so encouraging. Even over the phone he gave Daichi a little more confidence. 

[10:48 Daichi]: Really? That’s great!  
[10:48 Suga]: Still on for dinner?  
[10:49 Daichi]: It’s going to be a poor man’s dinner over here, but definitely  
[10:49 Suga]: Don’t you worry your pretty head about dinner  
[10:50 Daichi]: You don’t have to cook  
[10:50 Suga]: I like cooking. Get over it  
[10:51 Daichi]: :P fine  
[10:51 Suga]: Be at apartment 103 at 6pm ;) good luck with Kageyama! 

With that, their conversation was over. At least for now. Daichi liked how he didn’t seem to bother Suga with his messages, didn’t feel like he was asking too much or being too much. He was used to that: being too much. Too many problems, too much baggage. 

Daichi took a shower and tried to put on something respectable before heading over to apartment 209. 

He didn’t feel nervous at all as he knocked on their door. It had only been a few days, but it felt natural to be reaching out. 

“Daichi-san?” 

“Hi, Hinata. Is Kageyama home?” 

“Yeah, he’s in the shower. But he’ll be out soon! Why don’t you come in? We had breakfast a while ago but I can make some eggs if you’re hungry!” 

Daichi smiled. “Thank you, I think I’ll be just fine. I actually came to see if the place where Kageyama works is hiring. I have a little experience in food service, and could use a little extra income.” 

“Well,” Hinata replied, hopping off the couch he had just sat down on, “I’ll find out for you!” 

And with that, he bounced on over to the closed bathroom door, opened it and stuck his head in. Daichi was pretty sure he wouldn’t be able to see anything, but he looked away out of courtesy just in case. 

“Oi! I’m showering in here!” 

“Of course you are, but Daichi-san has a question.” 

“Can it not wait until I’m out of the shower?” 

Hinata harrumphed. “Maybe it can, but I thought I would find out for him so he can think about it.” 

“Just give me a minute!! Is Daichi-san here? Close the door, dumbass! I’ll be out in two minutes.” 

“Fine,” Hinata deflated. 

“Wait!” Kageyama called from inside. “I need some clothes!” 

Hinata started laughing. He raised an eyebrow as he looked at Daichi. “I don’t know, Kageyama-kun. Maybe you should just get it yourself.” 

“I’M NOT WALKING OUT NAKED IN FRONT OF DAICHI-SAN!” 

“Hmmmm, you might if I have anything to say about it!” Hinata winked at Daichi. 

“HINATA” 

“Alright alright fine,” Hinata trotted off to the bedroom, returning with an armful of clothes. “I was only joking,” Daichi heard him say as he deposited the clothes inside the bathroom. 

“Kageyama will be along in a few minutes,” Hinata relayed, as though Daichi hadn’t just witnessed the entire seen and heard for himself. 

“R-right,” Daichi bit his lip, trying not to laugh at the silly scene. Suga had said they must be younger, and they did seem younger, yet they seemed so adept at being together with each other. 

In precisely two minutes, Kageyama emerged from the steaming bathroom, hair framing his surprisingly neutral expression, given that he’d be interrupted in what Daichi thought of as one of life’s true solaces, alone time in the shower. 

“What can I do for you, Daichi-san?” Kageyama said, eyes bright, as he came to sit by Hinata on the couch. Absently, he carded his hands through Hinata’s hair, a gesture that seemed to be far too common for him to even think about. 

Gentleness is simply what they did, peppered with bickering and small explosions. But nothing seemed hidden in this relationship. Daichi wondered when they would stop amazing him. 

“Well,” Daichi said, blinking himself back into reality, “I’m running short on money and I’m not sure what to do for work. I’ve served a bit in the past, and wondered if your restaurant might be hiring.” 

Kageyama withdrew the hand from Hinata’s hair and brought it to his chin as he thought. His brow wrinkled. 

“I think Takeda-san mentioned something about needing someone. And we have had someone calling off,” his face darkened, “far too regularly for my taste.” 

Kageyama chewed on the inside of his lip before saying, “Come in to work with me tomorrow - I work the lunch shift, when it’s a bit quieter, and Takeda-san is always at the restaurant during the day.” 

Just like that? Daichi was surprised. 

“You would be okay with that?” He asked tentatively. 

Hinata was smiling. “Of course! It might be hard to tell but Kageyama likes you, Daichi-san.” 

Daichi felt his cheeks go a bit pink. “O-oh,” 

Kageyama blushed a little too. “You don’t always have to speak for me, dumbass,” he muttered, but a smile was teasing at the corners of his lips as well. 

“I wouldn’t have to if you would speak up yourself,” Hinata clapped his boyfriend on the shoulder. Kageyama scowled, but there wasn’t any harshness in it. 

“Oi, Daichi-san,” Hinata turned back to Daichi, “Kageyama said you have a talented student who plays volleyball! Yuki something?” 

“Ah, Yui,” Daichi took a deep breath and leaned back in his seat. Yui was an easy subject for him to talk about. “She’s determined more than anything. Practices twice as hard as any of her teammates. She’s going places, that girl.” 

“She’s got a good coach to make sure she gets there,” Hinata said with a wink. 

Daichi scratched the back of his neck, “I’m just honored to get to work with someone so enthusiastic. I bet Hinata was like that, wasn’t he, Kageyama?” 

“Yeah,” Kageyama said with a crooked grin. “He couldn’t do anything except jump at first. Totally useless.” 

“Hey!” 

“Like your student though, Hinata’s will is a force to be reckoned with.” 

“Let me guess, Hinata’s the one who chased you down before you started dating?” 

Kageyama went quite a bit pinker this time. “Ah… I suppose so.” 

“Yup!” Hinata punched the air. “Bakageyama-” 

“Don’t call me that!” 

“Kageyama couldn’t get it through his thick skull that I liked him. It was depressing.” 

“I’m not that dumb!” 

“Six months!” 

“N-no, it wasn’t that long.” 

Hinata crossed his arms over his chest and put his nose in the air. “Six months I suffered.” 

Daichi laughed. 

“I don’t think you have that problem, Daichi-san.” 

Daichi’s head snapped up. “W-what?” 

Both Kageyama and Hinata were snickering like they had a secret. 

“I d-don’t know what you’re talking about,” Daichi managed. 

“Now, now, Daichi-san, don’t take after Kageyama.” 

“Oi!” 

“What? It’s painful to be on the other side of that.” 

Kageyama clapped a hand over Hinata’s mouth. “I’m quite finished reliving my stupidity, thanks very much.” 

Hinata batted Kageyama’s hand away. “I’m just trying to remind Daichi-san not to be dense like you.” 

Daichi laughed nervously and stood up. Cheeks heated, he was desperately hoping he wasn’t quite as obvious as they were making him out to be. “I think I’d better be going.” 

“Are you seeing Suga-san today?” Hinata asked with a singsong voice. 

“Stop being so meddling, dumbass,” Kageyama stood to open the door for Daichi. “Tomorrow I leave for work around 11, can you come along then, Daichi-san?” 

“Yeah,” Daichi said with a relieved sigh, “that works for me.” 

Hinata waved from the couch. “See you tomorrow!” 

“Alright,” Daichi smiled, filled with an unexplainable warmth as Kageyama closed the door. Somehow, despite their bickering, those two seemed to be restoring Daichi’s hope for the future. Not even as it regarded a relationship, but just the peace and happiness of a true future. 

Not once that day had Daichi reached for his phone to pull up Kuroo’s contact information. It stung to notice it, he couldn’t of course go a full day without thinking of it, but at least the impulse - for now - was under control. 

Daichi spent the rest of the afternoon digging out some interview clothes - they were pitifully wrinkled and smell like the back of a musty closet. It’s not like he had ever had much use for them in the past. He recalled reading on the lease about coin washers and dryers. He dug through every pocket on every pair of pants, dug to the bottom of the suitcase three times over. 

At least once he had called to his plant - “is this really worth it?” or “I mean, they don’t look _that_ bad.” 

But a well-timed notification from his bank that his “checking account available balance was below $50.00,” he conceded, out loud, “yeah, they probably do need a wash.” 

He pieced together eight quarters at the end of it all, and prayed that each cycle only cost a dollar each. 

He had no hamper. Not like he needed one for his pitiful pile of clothing that he could carry easily in one hand, but it was the principle of the thing. After five years, he had forgotten how many small things make up a living space. 

A strange anger welled up inside him, a realization of just how much he had left Kuroo with - how much, in a way, Kuroo had taken from him, even as Daichi left. 

Even as he found the washer and blessedly, each cycle did indeed only cost a dollar, the anger took up residence in his chest, make his heart feel both heavy and empty - how could it feel both at once? It made it hard to breathe, it made him want to scream and yell, but it also made him want to go crawling back. To have a hamper again, silverware and plates and status quo. 

“You look like hell, kid,” came a voice from behind. 

Daichi started, jumped like the nervous wreck he was. He thought anger was supposed to give you some kind of power, leverage against the world - but his only made him weaker, easy to scare. 

“Whoa, there, didn’t mean to scare ya.” 

Daichi turned to see Ukai. “It’s alright,” he said quietly. “I’m a little jumpy sometimes.” 

Ukai took a drag of his cigarette and exhaled a column of smoke. “Maybe this ain’t my place, but whatever got you here… you can’t just ignore it.” 

Daichi looked at the ground. 

“Kid, look at me,” Daichi looked up. Ukai’s face was kind, sincere. “I ain’t here to tell you how to live your life. But I want you here, in this place, ya hear?” 

Daichi nodded, small and timid. 

“I don’t want ya going back wherever ya came from. And I ain’t saying you gotta take it all on at once, but don’t ball it up and ignore it.” 

“Yeah, I’ve uh,” Daichi found his voice again, as timid as his nod. He marveled at his own stupid ability to go from so confident and happy up with Kageyama and Hinata to small and afraid in such a short amount of time, “I’ve heard that’s not so good.” 

Ukai put his hands on his hips, held his cigarette with half his lips, talking through the other end. 

“All I’m saying is, you got me here anytime you need. I’m no expert at really anything, but I take care of the people who live here. And just so you know, the dryer is a little on the aggressive side, so don’t keep nice interview clothes in there for too long.” 

Daichi’s eyes went wide. “How did you…?” 

“I might not look like much, but I pay attention,” Ukai tapped his forehead. He winked. “Give ‘em a nice smile, you’ve got a good one, and you’ll be just fine. 

With that, Ukai turned and walked up the steps from the basement. Daichi stared after him, wondering what he had done to wander into a place with such strange and gentle people. Ukai wasn’t gentle like a soft breeze, but his presence was calming as the sound of the ocean as the tide comes in, reliable and steady. 

+++ 

And just like that, Daichi was knocking on the door of apartment 103 again. 

“Daiiiichi,” Suga’s bright voice greeted him first, followed by that shining smile, as usual. 

“H-hey,” Daichi said, stomach turning with an anxious energy he kept trying to ignore. 

“Dinner’s nothing special. I got a nice baguette from a bakery down the way and bought some stuff to make sandwiches. The baguette makes all the difference though, I promise.” 

Daichi followed Suga into the apartment. “If you say so,” he answered. 

Suga busied himself in the kitchen while Daichi settled on the bar stool, watching Suga flit all across his kitchen space, light and quick and effortlessly. 

“So, Daichi, how was your day?” 

Daichi thought it over, let himself sit in silence as he thought about it. “I’ve had better, I’ve had worse,” he finally said. 

“Hmm,” Suga hummed as he cut open the baguette. “Mayonnaise?” 

“Just a little,” Daichi said, faltering. 

_“Ugh, disgusting,” Kuroo turned his nose up. His hair fell over one eye._

_It was summer. They sat on a blanket in the park, a picnic packed for them by Daichi._

_“You don’t like it?”_

_“Oh no,” Kuroo turned back to the food, a disdainful look still painting his features. “It’s fine.”_

_“It’s not fine, is it?” Daichi asked, concerned._

_“I said it’s fine, okay?”_

_“Ah,” Daichi answered. Obviously it wasn’t fine. Kuroo was disappointed. It was only their fourth date. Daichi was sure he’d ruined it._

_At the end of the picnic, as they laid looking at the clouds, “I hate mayonnaise,” Kuroo said._

_“I’m sorry,” Daichi panicked, “it won’t happen again,” it was the first thing he thought to say._

_“No,” Kuroo answered, “I don’t think it will.”_

_And it didn’t._

Daichi hadn’t had mayonnaise in five years. It seemed so small. 

“Hello?” Suga was waving a hand in front of his face. “Anybody home?” 

Daichi blinked, looking up. Suga’s bright eyes were big and round, concerned. 

“Sorry,” Daichi said, wringing his hands. 

“It was just a question, Daichi,” Suga said softly. “I hope I didn’t upset you.” 

“Upset me?” Daichi felt the familiar panic, “Of course not! What was the question, I’m sorry, I wasn’t listening, I need to be better about that-” 

Suga put a hand on Daichi’s arm. “It’s just a little mayonnaise. Would you like some, or no? It’s fine either way. It’s okay if you space out once in a while,” Suga retracted his hand, but smiled in a soft way. “We all do that.” 

Daichi tried not to show the way he took a deep breath, tried to ground himself. 

“Yes, I’ll have a little.” 

“So you do like mayonnaise?” 

Daichi managed a small smile, forced, but not insincere. “Y-yeah, I do.” 

“Great, me too,” Suga grinned, using a knife to spread some across the baguette. 

“How was your day?” Daichi said, regaining his composure. 

Suga sighed. “Well, Oikawa stopped by the library again. I swear my boss is either going to fire me or ban him, or both.” Suga rolled his eyes. “I’m long-suffering.” 

Daichi’s smile grew less forced, bigger, as he pictured Oikawa’s charming but kind of loud personality waltzing into Suga’s calm and quiet library. 

“Hopefully not both,” Daichi said. 

“Yes,” Suga answered, “hopefully not.”


	10. More Than Memories

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Daichi meets a nice restaurant manager. Suga and Daichi both feel inadequate and pathetic. They're a mess.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HEY I DID IT WITHIN A MONTH THAT'S PRETTY GOOD CONSIDERING MY TRACK RECORD 
> 
> thank you for all your support and for sticking with me even though i've been so slow at updating. we had cute last chapter so now ANGST

Daichi kept brushing at his button-up shirt. He really needed an iron. Just like he needed an air conditioner. He hoped he didn’t look to scruffy or pathetic to get a job. He ran a hand through his normally short hair. It was starting to get a little longer than he preferred. 

He added “haircut” to the running list of things he needed to acquire after he managed to get another job. Maybe today would be the day. Maybe he could fake confidence just enough. 

[11:30 Suga]: You're gonna be great :)  
[11:30 Daichi]: did Hinata tell you?  
[11:31 Suga]: He was too excited about you and Kageyama becoming friends to contain his excitement 

Daichi smiled. 

[11:31 Daichi]: Friends, huh?  
[11:31 Suga]: Like it or not, you've got friends now  
[11:32 Suga]: Not that you didn't before!  
[11:32 Daichi]: It's okay, I really didn't. You're too perceptive for your own good, you know that?  
[11:33 Suga]: :P 

Still, when Daichi looked back at his mirror (a cheap new acquisition from Target), all he could focus on was his scruffy hair and his wrinkled shirt. 

“This could be a total disaster,” he called to the plant, which looked exactly the same as it had his first day there, when Suga had so surreptitiously waltzed into Daichi’s life. 

Daichi squared his shoulders and headed for the door, stomach uncomfortable and hands shaking slightly. 

He knocked on Hinata and Kageyama’s door, heard a small exchange of, “no YOU have a good day!” before the door opened, Kageyama suited up in black. 

“Ready, Daichi-san?”

Daichi swallowed. “Ready,” he answered. 

Kageyama, true to form, didn't speak much on the way, leaving Daichi to his anxieties. Still, he had to appreciate the way walking with Kageyama, even in silence, was easy and natural. 

It was only a restaurant. There was no need to get so worked up. How pathetic, getting anxious like this. 

As they approached the front of the restaurant, Kageyama said simply, “be yourself, Daichi-san.” 

Daichi nodded. How hard could it be? He looked at the door. In neat, simple cursive, the sign above the door read The Crow’s Nest. 

They entered, cool and comfortable air greeting them as they shed the warm, humid summer air. A small man with glasses looked up as the bell indicating an open door rang. 

“Kageyama-kun? You’re here a bit early.” 

Kageyama bowed. “Takeda-san, this is my friend,” (Daichi’s heart squeezed a little bit), “Daichi-san. He’s looking for work and I know that we have been,” Kageyama paused, “short-staffed lately.” 

Who Daichi took to be restaurant manager pushed his glasses up, looked at Kageyama intently. 

“I suppose we have been.” He turned to Daichi and put his hand out. “Nice to meet you, Daichi.” 

“Likewise, was it Takeda-san?” 

“Please,” he smiled, “Takeda is fine. Kageyama-kun insists on formalities, but he’s the only one.” 

“It’s a pleasure, Takeda,” Daichi answered. 

“Why don’t we have a seat? There isn’t much space in the back, and can I offer you some tea?” 

“Tea would be wonderful, thank you.” 

“I’ll go get it,” Kageyama said stiffly. 

Takeda smiled up at him. “That would be wonderful. Feel free to clock in now.” 

“Yes, sir,” Kageyama bowed and hurried off. Daichi saw him shoot a glance backward with what looked like a rare Kageyama smile, one he had seen reserved for Hinata. Daichi considered this an honor, if a small one. 

They settled into one of the booths at the restaurant. It was a classy kind of place, not too high end but enough to give the feel of a special occasion. Daichi thought briefly about what it would be like to take Suga to a place like this. 

“So, tell me about yourself, Sawamura.” 

Not that Daichi had been interviewed for many positions recently, but it was one of the questions he always hated the most. His first thought was to say, there isn’t much to tell, but that’s not going to get you a job anywhere. 

As he was about to answer, Kageyama arrived with a tray. On it was a simple black teapot with two matching teacups. Steam rose lazily from the spout if the pot. 

Kageyama poured the steaming tea into each mug and bowed with a quiet, “ossu,” and an almost imperceptible glance at Daichi, as if to instill a confidence in him. 

“I guess you could say I’m a little bit of everything,” Daichi was impressed with himself as he said it, thought maybe Kageyama’s small glance aided him. 

“Oh? How so?” 

“I am not astoundingly proficient at any one thing, but I am adept at many things. Such skills are useful in a place like this,” Daichi gestured around the room. 

“Ah, so they are, although specific skills do need to be cultivated to survive in any food service environment.”

Fortunately, in a past life, Daichi had waited tables. He had wanted to dabble in bartending but had never been given much of a chance. 

“Absolutely,” Daichi said, “the specialized skill of multitasking required by a server is very important.” 

“The skill of multitasking?” Takeda smiled. 

“What's a better way to say it? Waiting tables is like taking on a variety of projects at the same time. With many things going on in your line of sight, you have to be aware of the changes in atmosphere.” 

“I’ve never heard it put quite like that before, but I can’t say you’re wrong.” 

Daichi smiled a little sheepishly, scratching the back of his neck. “I’m a volleyball coach, so sometimes I try to picture other things the way I would a volleyball team.” 

“Ah, and you’re athletic to boot! Tell me about your availability. What kind of hours are you looking for? How much flexibility do you need?” 

“At least for now, through the rest of the summer, I’ll take as much as you can give me. After that, it will be difficult to say. Sometimes I do some fill-in teaching to supplement the coaching, but it’s never been consistent. That’s always been fine, but I’m a little more, uh,” he faltered, “pressed for steady income.” 

Takeda looked about to ask a question, but shook his head like he thought better of it. 

“Let me get you a paper application to fill out. It's mostly a formality. Kageyama-kun is one of our top servers, and if he's willing to vouch for you, I'm willing to take his word for it.”

As Takeda stood up from the table and headed for the back, Daichi breathed a sigh of relief. Things looked like they might be okay after all. 

+++

_The walls around him were bare. The tattered suitcase seemed so empty._

_“I don't like it, Tooru. It's too big. I feel so small.”_

_Oikawa poured coffee from a thermos into a mug that read “everyone needs someone.” He tapped Suga on the head. Suga looked up at his friend from the floor._

_Oikawa extended the cup before sitting next to Suga._

_“You felt small there, too.”_

_“Not like this.”_

_“You're right, that was worse. You can handle this.”_

_“Why does it feel worse now that I'm gone?”_

_Oikawa laid a gentle hand on Suga’s thigh._

_“You know as well as I do, you were in survival mode there.”_

_“Then why do I feel so bad now?”_

“Kou-chan, now is when you fall apart. And it's okay.” 

_“I feel so pathetic,” Suga managed to choke out._

_Oikawa leaned his head on Suga’s shoulder. “It's okay to feel that way. It isn't true, though.”_

“I wonder…” Suga opened his eyes, spread his arms on his bed. It was the middle of the day on his day off, and here he was. Somehow consumed by an old memory, something so long ago, why did it matter so much to him still? He had managed to text Daichi that morning, after being told by Hinata the night before as he returned from the library that Daichi was trying for another job. That text message was all he had done with his day. 

His eyes were wet, tears streaming down his face, slow but sure. He wasn’t sure what triggered it. Usually he could pinpoint some reason. “I wonder why it's happening now,” he whispered aloud. “Things have been so good lately.”

They had been so good that he had stopped going to therapy. Well, he had decided he didn’t need it anymore. He had been doing well! Getting things done! No more trauma! Trauma who? He asked himself. 

But good things were never meant to last. Maybe he should have kept those appointments. 

Maybe he wasn’t all better. 

All it took was the ringing of a phone to remind Suga of that. 

[ Incoming call: Dad ]

Terror paralyzed him, white light exploding in the corners of his vision. It couldn't be. It had been so long, after all. 

An old type of programming seized control of his body. Too afraid not to answer, Suga picked up his phone. 

“Hello,” he whispered. 

“Koushi, finally, goddammit,” a voice that was rough, commanding. “Do you know how long I've been trying to get ahold of you?”

It couldn't be true. He hadn't called or texted. 

“I-I'm sorry,” he stammered, screaming at himself for knowing better but not acting like it. Dad was lying, as usual. “I've b-been busy.”

“Yeah with that shit job down at the library? What are you, some kind of delicate lady? I didn't raise you to sit behind some lousy book counter.”

Suga said nothing. 

“Well now that you're finally answering my calls,” dad was wrong, Suga told himself as his thoughts swirled, there haven't been any calls. “I have some serious questions for you. See I just got some papers in the mail, from your bitch of a mother.”

“D-don't call her that.”

Suga hadn't seen her in years. He didn't blame her for not looking back when she left. He wished she hadn't left him behind, but he didn't fault her. In the end, she had to protect herself. Suga could understand that. 

Oikawa always said he was too understanding, but what would Oikawa know about it?

“Shut up, Koushi, I'll call her whatever I damn well please-”

Suga hung up. 

He burrowed underneath the blankets, buried his head and started to wail. Not this, not again. 

The phone rang again and again and again. Each time it rang Suga cried harder. He longed to pick up the phone and hear things he'd never heard before.

I love you. You matter. You're important. I've missed you. 

Words he had never expected, but it never stopped the wishing, the imagining. Whether the words would be said or not didn’t matter, nothing could ease the ache that came from their absence. Even more than the affirmations themselves were the love that Suga longed for. There was no replacing it. 

It was as though his father knew the exact time to enter back into Suga’s life. Things had been steady, almost, for the last two years. It was stupid, how long it had taken him to escape. He was a full, grown adult, still being scolded, yelled at, hit like a little child. 

And here he was, back in that small body, powerless and fragile. How long he laid there, he wasn’t sure. 

+++

“You can start this weekend,” Takeda said as he picked up the paper from the table. 

It was all Daichi could do from letting his jaw drop. Things falling into place so easily, he wasn't used to it. Conditioned to expect and be met with failure. 

“Here's the menu. You've got a couple days, so get to memorizing!” Takeda smiled, but as Daichi looked down at the menu he felt some of the color drain from his face. 

“It isn't as bad as it looks,” Takeda said. “I'll see you on Friday, then, Daichi. Uniform is black slacks with a black polo or button-up.” 

Daichi walked out with his head spinning. He did it. He did it! 

He wished Suga would text him. He thought about Kuroo, chest tightening. He just wanted someone to be proud of him. He wasn’t much good at being proud of himself. As he walked the short distance from the restaurant back to the apartment complex, a memory - a fond one - curled around him like wispy smoke, fleeting and misshapen and, despite the goodness of the memory, wholly untrue. 

_“We’re going to be okay, Dai,” Kuroo said with a breathy smile. He had just been accepted to the most prestigious law school in the area, with a sizable scholarship. Daichi was proud. It was unusual to get such large grants for graduate studies._

_They sat in their favorite noodle shop, a mediocre bottle of sake between them._

_“Yeah, we are.”_

_Kuroo lifted a glass and held it over their bowls. “To us.”_

_“To us,” Daichi clinked their glasses together, smiling, content._

Why hadn’t it all been like that? Why couldn’t it stay like that? The warmth, happiness, was it all so fleeting and meaningless? Kuroo’s smiling face flashed through Daichi’s memory. Daichi thought about Suga, about kissing him and sleeping next to him. 

Daichi blinked, shook his head as if to rid himself of the memory, but it was too strong. He wanted to crawl back into that day, into the body he was at that moment, noodles fragrant beneath him, a happy smile on Kuroo’s face. What more did he need than that? 

No matter how hurt Daichi told himself he was, he couldn’t shake the good memories. 

Guilt curled in the pit of his stomach. How could it possibly be fair to Suga to be acting like this? Suga was just a stand-in, and it wasn’t his fault. Suga deserved someone who could be all-in, someone who wasn’t just figuring all of this stuff out. 

As he walked back into the complex, he decided he might as well go get that haircut, maybe restock on some groceries, pick up some black shirts and pants. 

Even as he tried to distract himself, he still couldn’t help it. He pulled out his phone and texted Suga. 

[1:32 Daichi]: Kageyama’s boss is really nice. I start on Friday  
[1:32 Daichi]: I hope your day is going well

He didn’t want Suga to be a stand-in. But it didn’t matter. Ultimately, Daichi would hurt him, disappoint him. That’s what he was, a disappointment. 

He busied himself with the errands, tried to feel clean and fresh after the haircut - and it wasn’t half bad. As he slid back into his car afterwards, he couldn’t deny the feeling of newness that accompanied him as he shut the door. 

His feelings were so fickle these days, jumping from guilt to relief to joy to hate, all in the space of a few hours. He didn’t remember feeling like this before, this roulette of emotions that seemed to be spinning in every direction at a moment’s notice. 

Wasn’t getting away from Kuroo supposed to be regulating? Wasn’t he supposed to feel more balanced, away from all of that? 

Daichi let himself drive all over town, not stopping at any one place in particular, not driving a particular route. 

Driving had been Daichi’s small escape over the past five years. Taking the scenic route home when he knew something had upset Kuroo let him prepare, or going for an extended grocery outing after an argument had given him space. It wasn’t much space, but it was something. 

So this afternoon he let himself have that small space again, driving attentively but aimlessly, without a purpose. 

Suga’s car was parked in the garage. Daichi recognized it from the night he and Suga had ventured to the thrift store. It was an untainted thought, and Daichi wished he could replace all the good memories of being together with Kuroo with that one image, that one night. 

Suga was home, but as Daichi climbed the stairs, walking past apartment 103, his phone still showed no answer. The front window curtain was drawn, but Daichi could see that Suga’s lights were on. He was home, perhaps sitting down for dinner, watching his favorite television show. Daichi thought absently that he’d love to know what Suga’s favorite show was. 

He stopped short when he got to the staircase, and walked back to the door. He knocked, not loudly, and waited. 

Nothing.

Daichi wondered if Suga looked through the peephole before choosing not to answer the door. He darted up the stairs, guilt nagging at him again. He shouldn’t be pushy. The unanswered text messages should have been enough for Daichi to see what was right in front of him. 

That’s right; Suga probably didn’t want to see him. It had only been a week, after all. They had seen each other quite a bit since Daichi moved in. It wasn’t surprising at all that Suga was tired of him. It was easy to get tired of Daichi. There wasn’t anything special about him. 

+++

Suga’s father didn’t know where he lived; not unless he had done some serious digging. Tooru was really to thank for that. He had done a lot of research on leaving an abusive home. Suga wouldn’t have made it without Tooru. 

Maybe it hadn’t been that long… what was a few years, compared to the span of his life he had spent trapped in that house? Looking at it that way, he had only been on his own a fraction of his life. Was it sustainable? 

Suga couldn’t see the stability of his job, the firm base he had in his friends, not when he felt this way. 

The door knock could have been anyone. He should answer it, he knew. It wouldn’t be his dad. But he couldn’t stop shaking. Couldn’t leave his bedroom. He wondered, panic-stricken, if the door was locked. His father wouldn’t waste a moment barging in, given the opportunity. Scenarios played out in his mind, so clear he could swear they were actually happening. 

But then there was… Daichi. Daichi, with his quiet smile and his shy touches. Daichi made Suga feel safe, in a different way than Tooru. 

If only he could bring himself to reach out. He wondered how the talk with Kageyama’s boss had been. Suga wanted to be supportive, but here he was - paralyzed and pathetic, unable to move from his bed. 

“Compassion for yourself,” his therapist had said. “You need to give yourself the grace you give everyone else.” 

Suga closed his eyes. Sleep was his only escape in moments like this. He wasn’t strong enough to do anything else. 

Compassion would have to wait until tomorrow.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> poor Suga, it's his turn to be projected on 
> 
> (love you all, next update will be sooner this time I PROMISE)


	11. Picking Up The Pieces

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Oikawa really wants Suga to pay attention to his new kitten, so he enlists Daichi to rescue Suga from his meltdown.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> look as much as i love some good angst i really just can't keep them sad
> 
> scream at me at kageyamas-mom on tumblr

[9:12 unknown]: Dai-chan, I really need your help  
[9:12 unknown]: I got a cat - A CAT - and he didn’t respond to me all day. Do you know how long Kou-chan has been trying to get me to get a pet? Says it’s good for my wellbeing and would be a Bonding Activity for me an Iwa-chan   
[9:11 unknown]: Daiiiiiii-chan :,(

[ Incoming call: unknown ] 

The vibration on his phone was irritatingly loud against the wood floor of the bedroom. 

“H-hello?” Daichi answered the phone, still half-asleep. 

“Rise and shine, Dai-chan!” 

A moment of utter confusion led to a long pause, before, “Oikawa?!” 

“The one and only.” 

“How did you get my number?” 

“Oh please,” Oikawa’s voice was playful on the other end of the line, “you think I would let the guy my best friend is shacking up with-” 

“We are not-” Daichi’s voice was very high-pitched. It was way too early for this.

“Excuse me, you think I would let the guy my best friend really should be shacking up with leave my homestead without acquiring his digits? What do you take me for?” 

“A… reasonable human being?” 

“That was your first mistake, Dai-chan. More to the point, are you awake enough yet for real conversation?” 

“We’re having a real conversation, aren’t we?” Daichi muttered, but he did sit up. His air mattress was depressingly deflated, as it had been each morning. 

“Did you not read my messages about Kou-chan?” 

“You were my wakeup call.” 

“I just had to make sure you weren’t ignoring me.” 

“I wasn’t. Is something going on with Suga?” 

“Well that’s precisely the issue,” Oikawa’s voice lost its playful note. “I know it sounds silly, but I really did get a cat yesterday - which you would have known if you had been awake as you should have been and read my messages - and Kou-chan really did ignore all of my messages. He even ignored my calls.” 

“Maybe he went to bed early?” 

“This went on all day. Now, in my experience, and I have quite a bit of experience with him, this can mean one of a few things, none of which are very good, one of which is quite bad. It’s not really my information to share, but I’ll just say sometimes he gets paralyzed.” 

“Paralyzed?” 

“Not physically, really. Well, he gets paralyzed emotionally and come to think of it, it does paralyze him physically. He usually ends up staying in bed until someone comes to retrieve him. That someone being me, unless I’m otherwise engaged, in which case I usually send Iwa-chan. But you’re a much better candidate, given that he will probably be happy to see you and you are right there.” 

“I don’t know if he wants to see me,” Daichi said quietly. 

“Did he ignore you?” 

“Yeah.” 

“No offense, Dai-chan, but you’re really dense.” 

Daichi frowned. He decided it was time for some coffee. Pulling himself up from the floor, he muttered, “I really wish you all would stop saying that about me.” 

“I don’t know who else is saying it, but I think they’re right on the money. Back to the point at hand, I need you to go over to Kou-chan’s apartment.” 

“I tried to visit last night, I knocked and it seemed like no one was home.” 

“I bet the lights were on.” 

Daichi didn’t say anything.

“Go back, knock this morning. Chances are he slept all afternoon and last night. He gets these… slumps.” 

“Slumps?” 

“They’re more like depressive episodes, but I’m not his therapist so I can’t say for sure.” 

“You just want me to barge in? That doesn't really seem like something he'd be happy about.”

“Trust me, if you're involved, he’ll be happy.”

Daichi felt a blush come across his face. “Fine. I'm knocking first though.”

“Just don't be shy, Dai-chan. And make sure I hear from one of you at least. I may be an unreasonable human being, but I would kill a man for Kou-chan.”

“Right,” Daichi answered. “I'll let you know how he's doing.”

+++

He felt intrusive, like he wasn't supposed to be there. 

“Suga, it’s me - it’s Daichi. Can I come in?”

“D-Daichi?” A small voice called from inside. 

“Yeah, it's me,” Daichi’s chest felt tight. Suga didn't sound like himself at all. “I'm coming in, okay?”

“Okay.” 

He was wrapped in a blanket, clothes disheveled and rumpled. It would have been cute if Suga didn’t look so vacant. It was strange, the glow that so entranced Daichi was dulled, no smile was present. Suga smiled so often. 

“Hey,” Daichi said.

Suga didn’t look at him. “Hey,” he answered. 

“Are you, uh, can I, um, can I sit down?” 

Suga did look up this time. “Daichi?” He seemed surprised to see Daichi, as though he hadn’t just said his name before Daichi came through the door. 

“Yeah,” Daichi’s face paled, “you said I could come in, but if it would be better I can go-”

“Come sit by me,” Suga said quietly. 

“Oh,” Daichi stopped. “Alright.” 

Daichi looped an arm around Suga’s shoulders, pulled him in so their cheeks were touching. 

“Wanna share my blanket?” Suga tried to smile.

“Sure,” Daichi smiled a real smile back at him, as if to tell Suga that he didn’t need to smile, he didn’t need to pretend. He let Suga reach the blanket around both of them. He felt vaguely guilty for the way his heart fluttered when Suga touched him. It didn’t seem right, with how upset Suga was. But Daichi was selfish. He would take what he could get. 

“Do you want to talk?” Daichi said after sitting next to Suga in silence for a few minutes. 

Suga sighed, not answering quickly. 

“My father is not a good man.” 

Daichi didn't know what to say. 

“I got out two years ago. It felt ridiculous, to be twenty-one and still living at home. Pretty childish, right?” He laughed hollowly. 

Daichi didn’t answer, simply waited for Suga to continue. 

“Mom had left years before that. I guess she never served him. I don’t know why she wouldn’t have. I never knew things like that.” 

“How old were you when she left?” Daichi asked quietly. 

“I was in high school.” 

“First year?” 

Suga hummed. “Must have been. It’s funny” - his expression looked like whatever he was about to say was, in fact, not funny at all - “I divide my life into what kind of trauma dad was inflicting upon me at that particular time. I don’t really have any time that I would call my life, even since I’ve been gone. This part of my life is ‘life without him’, so in a way, he hasn’t left.” 

Daichi sighed, chest aching. “I know a little something about that.” 

Suga’s brow scrunched up. “Is this okay? I know it’s so soon for you, I don’t want this to be triggering-”

Daichi squeezed Suga around the shoulder, pressing their cheeks together again. “We’re safe, right here in this moment. You can tell me what happened. Mine was a little different, after all.” 

“He called.” 

“What, recently?” 

“Yesterday. To ask why my mom finally decided to send him the papers.”

“Oh.” 

“I panicked.” 

“I would have, too.” 

“I answered. I shouldn’t have answered. I know better than to answer.” 

“Doesn’t it flip a switch, though? The programming? I don’t know what to call it. But what I do know,” Daichi swallowed hard as he thought through his next sentence. He decided it was okay. “Is that if Kuroo walked through that door right there and told me that we were going home, I would go.” 

“Even though it isn’t what you want?” 

“It isn’t what I want at all,” Daichi said, using his free hand to squeeze Suga’s knee. 

“I hope I’m not,” Suga’s eyes filled with tears, “I’m n-not…” 

“Not what?” Daichi looked at Suga, concerned. “Tell me. What are you worried about?” 

“I’m worried about being… about, um, taking advantage of you. I don’t want to be like… them.” 

Daichi turned his head and pressed a chaste, slow kiss to Suga’s cheek. 

“You’re nothing like them. You’re wonderful.” 

The tears spilled out of Suga’s eyes and he started to sniffle. He leaned into Daichi, collapsing against him like a surrender. Daichi shifted so that both his legs were on the couch, Suga cradled against him. 

“How embarrassing,” Suga said after a long time. “I turn into a blubbering mess less than a week after meeting you.” 

“You've been dealing with my vacant stare for a whole week now,” Daichi said. “It's only fair.”

“It’s okay to zone out.” 

“And it’s okay to cry,” Daichi answered. 

Suga snuggled into Daichi’s side, and Daichi hummed. After a while he decided to ask a question.

“If you can talk about it… what did he want?”

“He thinks I know why after all this time, she's finally filing for divorce,” Suga laughed hollowly, “as if I would know.”

“I always wonder about those kinds of things,” Daichi said thoughtfully. 

“What do you mean?” 

“I mean, how have they been doing their taxes all these years?” 

Suga snorted, a tiny laugh, a small solace for both of them. “That’s your question?” 

“I’m glad I never had to deal with any of that,” Daichi said, looking at the ceiling. 

“When do you start at the restaurant?” 

“Friday night… I guess that's tomorrow.”

“Are you excited?”

Daichi thought about the menu Takeda had set in front of him. 

“I'm unprepared.” 

Suga considered this. “You're always unprepared for a new job, right?”

“I mean, yeah, but there’s quite a few things to know for this. It could be a complete disaster.” 

“Well, how about this?” Suga turned to look at him and suddenly pressed their lips together quickly. “A kiss for good luck,” Suga said. 

Daichi flushed. “Thanks,” he said quietly. 

Suga snuggled back into Daichi’s side. “Anytime.” 

Eventually, Daichi left for his own apartment. He needed to study up on the menu some more. Disaster or not, he would have to go in. 

[3:44 Daichi]: He’s doing fine now  
[3:45 Oikawa]: You’re a dear, Dai-chan  
[3:45 Oikawa]: So if I come over will I be interrupting anything~ ;)   
[3:46 Daichi]: I’m back at my apartment getting ready for my job tomorrow

Daich frowned at the screen, cheeks colored slightly. Oikawa was meddlesome, there was no denying it. 

[3:46 Oikawa]: That’s disappointing in a way, but at least I’ll get some time with Kou-chan  
[3:46 Daichi]: …  
[3:47 Oikawa]: Don’t be like that, Dai-chan  
[3:47 Oikawa]: I’ll have you know, I have never actually approved of anyone that Suga has dated  
[3:48 Daichi]: We aren’t dating!   
[3:49 Oikawa]: You say that now  
[3:49 Daichi]: I have work to do  
[3:50 Oikawa]: Good luck, Dai-chan~

He stared at the menu, mentally rehearsing each item with its ingredients, trying to mentally prepare for alterations and substitutions. It was no use. He laid back on the air mattress. He hadn’t even bothered to fill it back up, it was more like a lumpy blanket than anything. The star sheet set still felt soft, at least. 

He closed his eyes, glad he had spent some time with Suga, glad Suga hadn’t just been ignoring him. 

+++ 

“Kou-chan, we _have_ to go.” 

Oikawa had come over almost immediately after Daichi had lef.t 

“You sent him over, didn’t you?” Suga said, frowning. 

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Oikawa said loudly, clearing his throat. “But as it happens, I did completely coincidentally talk to Dai-chan today.” 

Suga glared. 

“And he mentioned that he starts at Tobio-chan’s restaurant tomorrow.” 

“Absolutely not. Not on his first day.”

“We won't even talk to him. We'll just hide and spy. We can sit in Tobio-chan’s section and have him bring us drinks.”

Suga sighed. 

Oikawa softened. “If you want to go for a movie or something instead, we can do that too. I think you ought to get out, though.”

“Alright, alright,” Suga conceded. “We can go spy on Daichi.” He really couldn’t think of a good excuse not to. 

“Tobio-chan is always wearing nice clothes. Do you think you can handle looking at Dai-chan in fancy clothes?” Oikawa waggled his eyebrows. 

Suga turned his nose up. “You act like I have no self-control. Unlike you, I can watch from a distance and be just fine.”

Oikawa frowned. “Just because I had to make the moves on Iwa-chan quietly doesn't mean you can say things like that! Iwa-chan was irresistible!” 

“Daichi gives him a run for his money in the looks department,” Suga said. 

“Blasphemy!” Oikawa gasped, before pulling out his phone. “Anyway, look at my new screensaver.” 

It was a very adorable photo of a small kitten with huge ears and a long tail. Brown splotches indicated that the kitten was probably a brown tabby. 

“Your kitten is really cute, Tooru,” Suga smiled. He felt bad for ignoring Oikawa earlier. 

“Will you come see him soon?”

Suga smiled. Independent as Oikawa acted, he and Suga really did depend on each other. Suga was glad the street went both ways. 

“Of course. I'll come see him tomorrow if you want.”

“After we spy on Dai-chan?”

“Maybe before,” Suga said. 

“Does Kou-chan think he might score tomorrow night?”

Suga turned bright red. “Absolutely not!”

“You just want to be… available?”

“Fine. I'll come see your kitten after we go to dinner.”

“Unacceptable. I won't have you intruding on me and Iwa-chan.”

“You're something else, you know that?”

“You love me.”

Suga ruffled Oikawa’s hair. “Yeah, unfortunately I do.”

“I'm so excited to spy on Dai-chan!”

Suga rolled his eyes. He had to admit, though, he was a little excited too.


	12. Operation Spy-chan on Dai-chan

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Oikawa and Suga go scope out Daichi's new job. For better or for worse, they end up not being as covert as originally planned.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you for sticking with me!!!!! have lots of fluff and a little angst. this is half romcom half angst train and idgaf. yes, oikawa really did name his kitten Milk Bread.

“I’m not wearing that.” 

Suga sat on the edge of Oikawa’s bed, rolling his eyes as his friend pulled a button-up shirt and a bowtie out of his own closet. 

“Kou-chan, you have to look good!” 

Next to him, Oikawa’s kitten rubbed up against his shoulder. 

“See,” Oikawa pointed to the cat, “Milk Bread wants you to wear it, too!” 

“I still can’t believe you named your kitten Milk Bread. Who even are you?” 

Oikawa waved the shirt at Suga. “Don’t change the subject! Wear the bowtie!” 

He was relentless tonight, it seemed. Suga almost felt like calling Iwaizumi into the room to get Oikawa to shut up, but that would just egg him on. 

“Tooru, Isn’t the point that we’re going to _spy?_ Where he can’t see us? Your clothes don't fit me anyway.”

Oikawa deflated. “Fine. Look like a scrub for all I care.”

“I'm not going to look like a scrub,” Suga shot back, looking down at himself. He was wearing a perfectly respectable blue t-shirt that matched his eyes very well, if he did say so himself. “I look fine. I'm just not dressing to impress.”

Milk Bread rubbed up against his shoulder again and mewed. “See?” Suga said with a grin. “Milk Bread knows.”

Oikawa turned his nose up. “This is why you never get laid, Kou-chan.”

Suga hopped up from the bed and flicked Oikawa’s forehead. “Shut up.” He folded his arms across his chest. “Anyway, let's go.”

Oikawa was pouting, but it was clear that he was more than excited to go out. “We haven’t done this in a while,” he said. 

“Let’s not get sentimental,” Suga said, shoving him out of the bedroom. 

Iwaizumi sat on the couch, TV on in the background as he read a book. It was a weird thing he did, but supposedly the extra stimulation from the TV helped him concentrate. Suga had never heard of such a thing, but Iwaizumi was something special anyway. 

“Bye, Iwa-chan!” Oikawa called, making gross kissing noises. 

“Good riddance,” Iwaizumi called back, not looking up from his book. 

“See you, Iwaizumi,” Suga called, winking at his friend. 

Iwaizumi looked up and waved. “Bye, Suga.” 

“Rude, Iwa-chan!” Oikawa called as Suga pushed him out the door. Once out the door, Oikawa lit up. “Let’s begin operation Spy-chan on Dai-chan!” 

Suga giggled but tried to frown. “What kind of lame name is that?” 

“I don’t think it’s lame at all. I think it’s perfect for the situation.” 

Oikawa drove them to the restaurant. Suga wondered, maybe, if Daichi saw him, if that would be a little overbearing or creepy. He hoped not. 

“Oikawa-san,” Kageyama bowed stiffly to both of them as they walked in, “And Suga-san, welcome.” Suga felt like patting him on the head, he looked so serious about welcoming them. “Let me take you to your seats.” 

They followed Kageyama. Suga kept scanning the restaurant for any sign of Daichi, keeping close to Oikawa in case he needed to duck behind him. 

“Don't look so nervous, Kou-chan,” Oikawa said with a smile. “I had Kageyama check the schedule. Dai-chan doesn't get here for another half an hour.”

“You really are the nosiest person to have ever existed, you know that, right?” 

“I’ll be back with some waters,” Kageyama said, trotting off towards the kitchen. 

Suga fiddled with his silverware.

“What’s wrong?” Oikawa asked. 

Suga went a little pink. “Nothing’s wrong!” 

“You’re worried about something.” 

“Am not.” 

“Kou-chan, please.” 

Suga glared at him. “Fine. I’m just wondering… isn’t this a little creepy? Aren’t I being a little overbearing?” 

“No. You’re not.” 

“How can you be so sure?” Suga asked. 

Oikawa leaned his head on his hand. “You should see the way he looks at you.” 

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Suga flushed again. 

“No more time for worrying, Kou-chan, he’s here!” 

Suga peered over the top of their booth. No matter what Oikawa said, he must look like a total creep. Kageyama didn’t seem bothered by it at all, strangely, despite coming back to drop off their waters and witnessing the weird, covert operation. 

Sure enough, Daichi was there, looking confident and giving that winning smile of his to the manager.

Suga’s heart clenched. Daichi did look amazing in a button-up shirt and tie. Suga could see the lines of stress etched into Daichi’s brow, and had an irresistible urge to kiss Daichi’s forehead until those lines relaxed. 

“You’re gonna have to take your eyes off him for a second, Kou-chan, or he’ll see you.” 

Suga squeaked and plopped back down to his seat. Kageyama had managed to leave and come back again without Suga noticing. 

“Oikawa-san ordered you a martini,” he set it down in front of Suga.

“Oh,” Suga said, surprised. “Thank you, Kageyama. That was quick.”

Kageyama bowed again, cheeks slightly colored. 

“We’ll have some of those fancy American fry things,” Oikawa said with a sweet smile. Kageyama nodded and walked away with a purpose. 

“He’s so focused,” Suga said. 

“Ah, yes, Tobio-chan and his seriousness,” Oikawa said. “It’s a good thing he’s got that chibi-chan to lighten him up a bit.” 

Suga thought of Hinata. “They are so good together, it’s strange.” 

“Mm,” Oikawa hummed, “I don’t think it’s strange at all, really.” 

+++ 

Daichi was glad the uniform was all black. He was pretty sure he had sweat completely through his shirt, and he had only been there for half an hour. 

He spent the first few hours of the shift shadowing another server - not Kageyama, unfortunately, but he was likeable enough. A reserved, pleasant guy called Ennoshita. He apparently had been with the restaurant for a few months, and had caught on quickly. 

“It takes time,” Ennoshita said calmly as Daichi asked for the fourth time which tables were in Ennoshita’s section. “But you’ll be fine. You’ve served before. I hadn’t when I started and I’m doing fine now.” 

Daichi wasn’t so sure. But confidence was everything in many circumstances - it was a concept he put into practice in every aspect of his life except his personal one. He fleetingly thought of the dissonance there, how in a new work environment he could hold himself together despite his insecurities, but in his relationship, a single word could have him crumble. 

He bumped into Ennoshita. 

“S-sorry!” 

“No problem, Daichi-san,” Ennoshita said kindly, unfazed. “You’re friends with Kageyama?” 

This small reminder lifted Daichi’s spirits a little. “Yeah, we’re neighbors.” 

“He’s very good at his job,” Ennoshita said with a little reverence. 

“He seems to work hard to be the best at whatever he’s doing,” Daichi answered. 

Ennoshita opened his mouth to say something, but his face blanched as he looked towards the door. 

“What?” Daichi asked, concerned. 

“Looks like two parties of at least eight. This isn’t going to be pretty, Daichi-san.” 

Daichi watched as the hostesses marched the two groups into separate tables, both in Ennoshita’s section. 

“I guess you’re going to get a little bit of a trial by fire, Daichi-san.” 

Daichi swallowed. This was not good. He tried on his best smile and headed for the table Ennoshita motioned to. 

“Good evening, friends,” he said, flashing what he hoped was a charming smile. “Are we out celebrating something tonight?” 

As it happened, they were out celebrating a birthday. Daichi hoped this would keep them in a good mood.” 

“Well can I start anyone off with something to drink?” He said, whipping out his notebook, trying to look a whole hell of a lot more competent than he felt. 

+++

“He looks stressed out, Tooru, ooooh I wish I could go help him, but I don’t know anything about serving, I would just get in the way.” 

“Daichi-san is doing fine,” Kageyama said. 

Suga looked up at him, surprised. “Oh, you’re back.” 

“Tobio-chan,” Oikawa interrupted. “I think Kou-chan might be a little tipsy.” 

Kageyama stared at both of them blankly, as though flummoxed by what exactly Oikawa wanted him to do about it. 

“I am not!” Suga yelped. 

Oikawa narrowed his eyes. “You are too, you liar. And pipe down, Dai-chan will hear you.” 

“Kageyama, bring me another!” 

“Uh,” Kageyama started fidgeting with his server notepad. 

Oikawa sighed. “Ugh, bring him another, Tobio-chan.” 

“Oooh, Tooru is buying!” 

“I never said that!” 

“I’ll be back with another soon. I’m going to get the drinks to Daichi-san’s table, so it may be a minute or two.” 

Suga looked at him, warmth for Kageyama welling up in him. “Take your time! I’m sure he appreciates the help.” 

“Kou-chan, shhhh,” Oikawa put a finger to Suga’s lips. 

Suga laughed. “Ha! Now you know what it’s like for me when you come to my work.” 

Oikawa leaned back and tapped on the table, miffed. 

Suga peeked over the edge of the booth again, scanning the room for Daichi. Okay, maybe he was the tiniest bit tipsy. It didn’t take long for his eyes to find Daichi. But how could he just sit there and be sober and do nothing when Daichi was over there, looking like that? The fuzzy feeling in his head let him relax a little, enjoy Daichi from a distance. He was so cute. 

His blood ran cold as Daichi laughed with one of the young ladies at the table. 

“Tooru! Look at this! Look at how she’s flirting with him!” 

“Ooooh~” Oikawa looked over with Suga. “Dai-chan’s got an admirer.” 

“Disgusting,” Suga spat, sitting back in his seat.

“Someone’s jealous.” 

“I’m not jealous.” 

“You’re totally jealous.” 

Suga looked over again, glad to see that smile on Daichi’s face but also irate that someone else was bringing it to him. 

“He’s just doing his job,” Oikawa continued, a little more gently. 

“Well then she shouldn’t be flirting with him. It’s rude and unkind, to flirt with your service workers.” 

“Mmm,” Oikawa made a placating noise. “Careful, Kou-chan, if he looks this way there’s no way you’ll be able how much you want him to bend you over and fuck you right on this table, just to spite her.” 

Suga turned scarlet. “I do not!” 

Oikawa grinned triumphantly. “You can’t even pretend.” 

Suga looked away. Daichi did look… really, really good in that tie. He sighed, took a big swig of water. “Tooru, it’s hopeless.” 

“It’s not hopeless, Kou-chan,” Oikawa said. “Although if you had worn the bowtie I bet you could get him to fuck you in front of all his coworkers and really show that girl.” 

Suga groaned. “Shut up.” 

+++

Finally, finally, the table left. They were very kind, especially after finding out it was Daichi’s first day, but he did mess up at least three out of the eight orders. He had been lucky enough for Kageyama to slide in and take care of the drinks. He felt incompetent and overwhelmed, and was surprised as he walked towards the kitchen to see Takeda smiling at him. 

“Sawamura!” He said with a smile. 

“Uh?” Daichi tilted his head and made an embarrassing noise, too tired and overstimulated to even remember that he should probably, you know, make actual words come out of his mouth when talking to his boss. 

“That was impressive!” 

“I-impressive?” Oh great. Now a stammer. Really putting the show on here, Daichi. 

“I would say so. I was going to send you a back-up server, but you were doing so well that I didn’t want to interrupt.” 

“With all due respect, sir,” there, okay, real words, “I feel like I made quite a few mistakes.” 

Takeda waved a hand as if to dismiss Daichi’s worries. “It was your first night. Of course you made mistakes. But they all enjoyed themselves and their food, once it was all correct, which eventually it was,” Takeda paused, “I think you’re going to do well here.” 

Daichi felt a knot uncurl in his chest. 

“I’ll see you tomorrow, then, Sawamura,” Takeda squeezed his shoulder. 

“But the night isn’t over,” Daichi started. 

“I think you’ve done quite enough for one night. You made things a lot easier on Ennoshita. He can handle the section for the rest of the night.” 

Daichi nodded, grateful. As he was walking towards the door, he heard Kageyama say, “Suga-san, let me take that glass out of your way.” 

Suga-san? Suga?! 

Daichi turned away from the door and walked over to where Kageyama was standing in front of one of the booths. 

“S-Suga?!” 

Relief flooded over Daichi. It seemed to be the case anytime Suga showed up, really. 

Suga choked on his drink. 

Daichi held his hands out, panicking, “S-sorry! I didn’t mean to-” 

“Ah, Dai-chan,” a familiar voice made him turn around, distracting him momentarily from Suga’s desperate attempt to not choke. 

“Oikawa?” 

“I had just gotten up to wash up. Dinner was delicious,” he turned to Suga. “Our cover has been blown, I believe, Kou-chan. Bet you wish you had gone with the bow tie now.” 

Daichi didn't know what they were talking about, but just thinking about Suga in a bow tie was enough to send him into a tailspin. 

Suga managed to breathe again, apparently. “Shut up, Tooru,” he said, gasping a little. 

“Off the clock now, Dai-chan?” 

Daichi smiled, sighing. “Yeah,” he rubbed the back of his neck. “It was quite a night. I can’t believe they have to keep on doing this for like,” he looked at his watch. It was only 8. “Three more hours.” 

“You look like you fit in just fine,” Oikawa said, engendering the smallest amount of confidence in Daichi. “I think it may be time for me to take my leave. Can I trust you to get him home?” Oikawa waggled his eyebrows at Daichi. 

“Of course,” Daichi said, trying to ignore the look. 

“Oh, you’re leaving?” Suga piped up. 

“Got to go make sure Milk Bread hasn’t been killed by Iwa-chan.” 

“Iwaizumi would never kill a kitten,” Suga said with a very serious look. Daichi thought he might spontaneously combust. 

Oikawa simply blew Suga a kiss and headed for the door. 

“Daiiiiiichi, I want another!” 

“Well, I want to go home,” he frowned without much conviction. 

Suga sighed loudly. “Alright, let’s go home, Mr. Boring.” 

“It was my first day!” Daichi protested, but he smiled again anyway. 

“Mmmm,” Suga hummed, cheeks flushed. “I guess you’re right.” 

Daichi tugged at Suga’s arm, pulling him up from the booth. “Let’s go, then.” 

They arrived at home, and Daichi was putting the keys in the door to his apartment. 

“Well, I’ll see you lat-” 

“I’m coming in!” Suga said firmly. 

Daichi went pink. “O-okay. Yeah, of course.” He opened the door, hands shaking a little. Suga seemed eager.

Suga plopped on the loveseat as soon as he was inside. 

“Daichi come sit with me.” 

“I’m a disgusting mess. I was going to take a shower and change my clothes.” 

“Mmm, shower huh?” Suga smiled at him suggestively. 

Daichi went even pinker. “I’ll just go change my clothes,” he managed, darting to the bedroom. 

When he returned in clean, more comfortable clothes, he did sit on the loveseat next to Suga. Suga draped his arms around Daichi and pulled him in to kiss him. 

“Suga, you’re drunk.” 

“I’m not drunk, Daichi, I’m a little tipsy. Those things are very different.” 

There wasn’t anything wrong with some kissing, Daichi supposed, letting Suga pull him in again and press their lips together. Suga sighed into it and Daichi was done for, again, bringing his hands up to cup Suga’s cheeks as they kissed. 

Suga pulled back, groaning. 

Daichi froze. “W-what’s wrong?” 

Suga’s eyes went wide. “O-oh, nothing’s wrong! Everything’s perfect! You’re just gonna tell me we need to stop and we can’t go any further since I’m tipsy.” 

Daichi kissed Suga’s nose. It was as though Suga could read his mind. It was a little scary, actually. “That’s exactly what I’m going to tell you.” 

Suga crossed his arms over his chest. “Don’t be a gentleman, Daichi, for once, please.” 

“Unfortunately, a gentleman is just who I am, Suga,” Daichi said, teasing. “It’s deeply entrenched in my psyche, and it’s not possible for me to be otherwise.” 

“Ugh,” Suga stuck out his tongue. “Boring! Lame! Un-fun!” 

In a moment of confidence, Daichi raised an eyebrow and said, “I’m sure there will be a time for me to be quite fun.” He blushed immediately, covering his face with his hands. Did this even count as flirting? It can’t be flirting if you blush at every single thing that comes out of your mouth. 

Suga poked him, giggling. “Okay, watching you try to say that with a straight face was worth not getting to make out with you.” 

Daichi blushed more. “You’re too much for me,” he said, willing his blush away to no avail. He pulled Suga in, carding his hands through Suga’s soft hair. 

“Thanks for visiting me at work,” he said, kissing the top of Suga’s head. 

“Any time that I get to see you in a button up shirt and tie is time well spent, Daichi,” Suga said cheekily. 

Daichi let himself feel warmth, embarrassment, whatever it was. Suga wanted to be around him, wanted to see him, didn’t make fun of him for the mistakes. 

+++

[10:41 Kuroo]: Hey Dai, I just wanted to let you know how much I miss you  
[10:41 Kuroo]: but I want you to be happy so if this is what’s best for you I support you

Daichi stared at the phone screen. Suga had left his apartment about half an hour ago, after drinking two full glasses of water at Daichi’s insistence. Daichi wanted him to stay, of course, but still wasn’t prepared to ask Suga to stay on a _fucking air mattress_ with him, and he didn’t want Suga to make any deicisions that might be clouded, no matter how slightly, by a little alcohol. 

Guilt washed over him as his heart constricted at Kuroo’s words. 

_Lies. He’s lying. He’s lying like he always does,_ Daichi thought to himself through clenched teeth. 

[10:45 Daichi]: thanks

That wasn’t giving in too much, was it?

[10:45 Kuroo]: ah, so nice to hear from you  
[10:45 Kuroo]: I hope you’re doing well, love

Daichi turned his phone off. He shouldn’t have answered. He shouldn’t have opened the can of worms, shouldn’t have given Kuroo anything to latch onto. 

He thought of Suga’s kind smile and soft lips, and he broke out into a cold sweat, feeling like a liar, a betrayer. He was no better than Kuroo, playing with Suga like this. 

It took him a long time to fall asleep.


	13. I Feel I Must Interject Here

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bad People (tm) drop back into Suga and Daichi's life, but Suga keeps his head up and muscles through, giving Daichi a little something to believe in.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi hi hi hi hi hi i am so so so so sorry for taking so long to update. i love this story, i love these boys, i love all of you for sticking with me 
> 
> find me at kageyamas-mom on tumblr 
> 
> thank you thank you thank you for sticking with me

[11:42 Oikawa]: how’s your head  
[11:42 Suga]: I didn’t have *that* much to drink, thank you very much  
[11:43 Oikawa]: oh? Were you coherent enough to get Dai-chan to make out with you?

Suga scowled at his phone. 

[11:43 Suga]: you are so fiercely nosy  
[11:44 Oikawa]: I’ll take that as a no  
[11:44 Suga]: it’s none of your business anyway  
[11:45]: Kou-chan, you can’t let all of this frustration build up inside you. You have to work it out ;) 

Suga shoved his phone under a pillow and rolled over, groaning. Okay, so maybe his head hurt a little bit. He didn’t have work, which is why he had thought he could go a little overboard the previous evening. 

He pulled himself out of bed and made his way to the kitchen, where he turned on his coffee pot and started chopping some potatoes. He thought about inviting Daichi over for breakfast, but was worried he had been too clingy lately. 

Maybe if his head had hurt less, he wouldn’t have answered, or would have at least looked when the phone rang. 

“Tooru, you need to-”

“Sugawara,” a sharp, unkind voice made Suga blanch as he stared in horror at his phone. He gaped at it and held it back to his ear. 

_Hang up. Hang up. Hang up._

“You know what your problem is?”

“Dad-” Suga said desperately. 

“You’re ungrateful, for starters. All those years I spent working my ass off for you, and what do you do?” 

“D-don’t talk to me like that,” Suga said, voice shaking. 

“I’ll talk to you however I damn well please!” Suga’s father raised his voice. “You leave, like the ungrateful piece of shit that you are-”

Suga hung up on him, shaking and shivering. His dad called again. Suga rejected the call, pulled up Oikawa’s contact info with shaking hands. 

[11:21 Suga]: he called again

Tooru took less than thirty seconds to answer. 

[11:21 Oikawa]: Kou-chan, I’ll be right over  
[11:22 Suga]: please don’t come, I just wanted to tell someone  
[11:22 Oikawa]: I want to come  
[11:23 Suga]: I’m fine, I just wanted you to know

Tooru was the best. He really was. Suga should be used to him seeing all of it, should be used to Tooru being witness to all of Suga’s flaws and mistakes, but he still wasn’t. He still didn’t want Tooru… around, when he was like this. 

_I shouldn’t have answered. Why do I always answer?_

Suga considered calling the therapist again, but felt like his strength had been sapped. 

He spent the rest of the day idly watching television or staring at the ceiling, ignoring calls from his father but mostly really, really wanting to answer them, even if he would never hear the things he wanted. Oikawa checked in every few hours and Suga kept insisting that he was fine, maybe I shouldn’t have told you anyway… 

+++ 

Saturday flew by and the end of the day came. 

Daichi was exhausted. He had been given more tables this time, so he had made more mistakes. That was to be expected, Takeda had said, but Daichi couldn’t stop feeling incompetent. He laid back on his air mattress and sighed, chest heavy as he thought of each mistake over and over again, each dissatisfied customer. 

“Sawamura, don’t look so glum,” Takeda had said before sending him home for the night. Daichi had scratched the back of his neck, apologized. 

“You should take tomorrow evening off, Sundays are always slow. Come in on Monday. You’re available Monday?” 

Daichi had nodded jerkily before bowing and exiting the restaurant. 

Upon arriving at his apartment, he almost collapsed onto his couch, but managed to make it through a shower, still standing. 

Laying, with wet hair and an exhausted body on the air mattress, he was entirely unprepared to deal with… 

[ Incoming call: Kuroo ] 

This time, Daichi broke. He was doing too well. He couldn’t keep it up. 

“H-hi,” he answered the phone. He was tired and alone and let his guard down. 

“Dai, it’s so nice to hear your voice,” Kuroo sounded genuinely relieved. “I’ve been so worried about you.” 

“You don’t need to be worried about me,” Daichi said. “I’m doing fine.” 

“Are you sure? I’m just worried about you and your situation. I mean, you don’t do much coaching in the summer. Are you eating and all of that?” 

“I said I’m doing fine,” Daichi couldn’t ignore the way his heart constricted hearing Kuroo’s voice, how familiar it felt, how comforting it felt when Kuroo was concerned. 

“What a relief,” Kuroo said softly. 

“How are you?” Daichi heard himself ask.

_Don’t ask. Don’t talk. Hang up. Hang up, you pathetic mess._

He couldn’t do it. He couldn’t hang up. 

“Oh, you know, I’m managing. It’s quiet without you here. I don’t know what to do with myself. Stupid, right?” 

“No, not stupid,” Daichi reassured Kuroo before he could think better of it. 

“You’re too nice to me. I should have appreciated that before,” Kuroo said. “Maybe we could meet up for a drink?” Kuroo said, quietly and without any push to it at all.

Daichi felt air leaving his lungs. Yes, he wanted to say immediately. He opened his mouth to say it, but stopped short, barely. 

“Or, you know, not,” Kuroo said, tone dejected and sad. 

“Yeah… not,” Daichi said. 

“I miss you so much,” Kuroo whispered. 

“I… I m-miss you too,” Daichi whispered back, stomach churning instantly as Suga’s face flit through his mind. Did he? Did he miss Kuroo? 

“I should go,” he said, throat constricting. 

“Okay,” Kuroo said without protesting. “Can I call you again?” 

“Y-yeah,” Daichi said. 

Kuroo sighed, and Daichi could hear him smile. “Thanks, Dai. I love you.” 

“Bye, Kuroo,” at least Daichi managed not to say it back, even if he wanted to with everything inside of him. 

He laid back on the air mattress, staring at the ceiling and feeling like the shittiest person alive. 

[10:45 Suga]: I hope work was good! :)  
[10:45 Suga]: and maybe you’re asleep by now, which you definitely should be

Daichi wanted to text him back, wanted to talk to Suga, call him, knock on his apartment door. But he couldn’t, not when he had done the one thing he had told Suga he didn’t want anymore. Daichi was a liar, just like Kuroo. He didn’t deserve Suga. 

The next morning, Daichi woke to a morning text. 

[9:21 Kuroo]: rise and shine, beautiful  
[9:21 Kuroo]: not to be pushy, just wanted to say hi. It was so nice to hear your voice last night. Maybe I’ll call you again tonight 

And that night, when Kuroo called, Daichi answered again. 

“Oh, so you’re serving again?” 

Daichi hadn’t meant to tell him. They were talking about anything, everything. Anything but what was really happening. Daichi had mentioned dropping a drink on someone, and Kuroo, in perfect fashion, had connected the dots with ease. 

“Yeah,” he said quietly. 

“Ah, where at?” Kuroo said gently, questioning. 

Daichi recognized the ploy and said nothing. How could he be doing this? Putting up with the mind games just because he wanted some attention. 

“Ah, forget I asked,” Kuroo said. “I’m sorry.” 

“It’s nothing,” Daichi replied. 

+++

Three days. 

Suga hadn’t heard from Daichi in three days. 

It shouldn’t matter. Suga shouldn’t be so desperate, aching, longing. He shouldn’t need to see Daichi that much, not this early. That wasn’t healthy, was probably too much like what Daichi was used to. 

But with Oikawa bugging him to make sure he was okay at every moment, Suga wanted to hear from Daichi. 

+++

For the third day in a row, Daichi answered Kuroo’s calls. 

“Come on, Dai, you still won’t tell me where you are or what you’re doing. We’re talking again, right? I’m so sorry I made you leave. I shouldn’t have said all of those things.” 

“Let’s talk about something else,” Daichi said, guilt clawing at him. 

“Okay. We’ll talk about something else. How’s Yui doing at practice?” 

Kuroo knew how important Yui was, how much she meant to Daichi. Daichi found himself talking about how her receives were going, despite her setter desires. 

+++

Suga couldn’t do it anymore. He got up. He went to Daichi’s door and knocked, loudly. 

“Daichi? Are you there?” 

It took less than a minute for a concerned Daichi to open the door. 

“S-Suga,” Daichi said, face forlorn and eyes not focusing on Suga. 

“Daichi, are you okay?” 

“I’m fine,” Daichi said, quiet and unfeeling, and Suga started to get worried. Really worried. 

“Can I come in?” He knew he was being pushy, but he recognized that blank stare. He knew it all too well. 

“Sure,” Daichi said, widening the door and walking back into his apartment without saying anything else. 

Suga followed him in. 

“Daichi, what’s wrong?” 

“Suga, I’m s-sorry,” Daichi said quietly, turning around to face Suga but not looking him in the eye. 

“Sorry for what?” Suga tilted his head to the side, wishing Daichi would look up at him. 

“H-he’s been calling me.” 

“He? You mean…?” 

Daichi’s eyes were shut tightly, Suga could see tears pricking at the corners of Daichi’s eyes. 

“Kuroo. He’s been calling. And I,” Daichi’s voice wavered as he talked. “I keep answering.” 

Suga felt a knot tighten in his chest. He walked towards Daichi’s loveseat and motioned for them both to sit. 

“I’m so sorry,” Daichi said again as he sat next to Suga.

Suga’s eyes widened as he realized he hadn’t answered. 

“Daichi,” he said softly, putting a hand under Daichi’s chin and lifting it up. Daichi’s eyes stayed averted. “Daichi,” Suga repeated, nudging him very gently with an elbow. “Look at me.” 

Daichi lifted his eyes, looking reluctant, eyes red and full of sadness. It made Suga want to kiss him, but that was the last thing Daichi needed. 

“Why are you so sorry?” He asked. 

“B-because,” Daichi’s voice quivered. “Because we…” 

“Because we’ve kissed a couple of times?” Suga said, smiling just a little. Daichi’s eyes widened and his cheeks turned red. So he could at least be a little embarrassed. Suga took that as a good sign. 

“M-maybe,” Daichi said, looking away again. 

“Look at me,” Suga said again, glad when Daichi lifted his eyes again, even though they looked so sad. 

“You don’t owe me anything, okay?” 

A tear streaked down Daichi’s cheek. “It’s not fair to you.” 

Suga tilted his head to the side. “I can decide what’s fair and not fair for myself, thanks.” 

“I don’t want to go back,” Daichi said suddenly, loudly. “I don’t want to go back but I keep talking to him. What the hell is wrong with me?” 

Suga sighed. “Nothing is wrong with you. It’s been what? Less than two weeks? And look how much you’ve done on your own.” 

“All I do is… hurt people,” Daichi said quietly, out of the blue. “I’ll hurt you, too.” 

“This is why you shouldn’t talk to him, silly,” Suga said, running a thumb over Daichi’s cheek. His stomach turned as he realized that Daichi had learned that line from Kuroo. “That’s complete bullshit,” Suga said with some venom. 

And as if by a streak of bad or good luck, Daichi’s phone, visible on the coffee table, buzzed loudly. Both of their eyes were drawn to it immediately. Daichi reached for it and held it as it rang. 

[ Incoming call: Kuroo ]

Suga knew he was overstepping his bounds, but he couldn’t help himself. 

He snatched the phone from Daichi’s hand. “Allow me,” he said, eyes questioning. Daichi shrugged noncommittally. 

“Seriously, is it okay?” 

“I don’t care,” Daichi said, eyes wide, obviously frightened. 

“Hmm. Okay.” Suga answered the phone. He held it to his ear and put on his brightest, most mocking voice. 

“Daichi can’t come to the phone right now, can I take a message please?” 

“Who the hell is this?” 

Suga let himself giggle into the phone. “You’d like to know, I’m sure. I know who you are. You’re Kuroo.” 

“Let me talk to Daichi,” Kuroo’s voice was low in Suga’s ear. Suga felt an anger welling up in him that he tried to squash down. 

“Hmm. Let me think about it.” 

“Listen-”

“Okay. I thought about it and I don’t think so. In fact, I think you should quit calling.”

“I don’t know who the hell you are, but you better stay away from Daichi.” 

“I don’t think I’ll do that, either. He’s too adorable, don’t you think?” Suga saw Daichi’s cheeks turn pink and grinned, giving Daichi a thumbs-up. 

“Oi, keep your filthy hands off my Daichi.” 

“How do you know my hands are filthy?” Suga asked brightly. He saw the corner of Daichi’s lips twitch, and felt a swoop of relief in his stomach. “I’ll have you know they’re quite clean.” 

“You-”

“And anyway, he’s not your Daichi. He’s not my Daichi. He isn’t anybody’s Daichi. He’s just Daichi. And he left you because you couldn’t respect that. Bye now.” 

With that, Suga ended the call. 

Daichi was staring at him vacantly. Suga started to get a little worried. 

“Sorry,” Suga said, “I can be a little…”

“A little shit,” Daichi said, lips actually forming a real smile, eyes focusing and face coloring. Relief flooded Suga’s chest. 

“Rude, Daichi!” He poked Daichi’s side. Daichi yelped and rolled away from Suga. 

“So that’s Kuroo, huh?” Suga asked, tone turning a little more serious. 

“The Kuroo I spent the last five years of my life with,” Daichi said, sighing. “Pathetic, right?”

“That’s a long time, Daichi. There’s nothing pathetic about you.” 

“I know,” Daichi said without conviction, looking away again. “I just wish I was a little stronger when it comes to him.” 

Suga looked at the ceiling, thinking of his own recent phone encounters. 

“I know what you mean.” 

He looked back at Daichi. “My dad called again. I know how you feel.” 

Daichi’s brow furrowed with concern. “Did you talk to him?” 

Suga’s shoulders sagged. “I answered, so yes.” He looked at Daichi sheepishly. “I told you, I know how you feel.” 

Daichi looked at him sadly. 

“We’re both properly miserable, aren’t we?” Suga said with a burst of energy. 

“Oi,” Daichi muttered. “Aren’t you supposed to be encouraging?” 

Suga giggled, for real this time. “Maybe.” He smiled a real smile at Daichi. “Can we order a pizza, watch a movie? Let’s forget about those two.” 

Daichi smiled back at him, small but genuine. “Okay, let’s forget them.” 

When they watched the movie on Daichi’s loveseat, Suga scooted close to Daichi again, let butterflies flit in his stomach as Daichi leaned his head on Suga’s shoulder. He was glad to be the person Daichi was with that night, glad to have told Daichi’s abuser off, although Suga knew, like any escapee, that wouldn’t be the end of it. 

But for now, they had a little peace together.


End file.
